To feel depressed that exW took DSSs to Miami

[Bonsoir]

for a fortnight at Christmas and for them to have come back having gained a huge new Abercrombie & Fitch wardrobe and 4kgs apiece?

Addicted to consuming is bad enough in my book.

Holidays and clothes make a child spoiled?

Children do not become spoilt by having too much of things. They become spoilt if people allow them to expect these things, and to not value the things they have. Perfectly possible for the boys to have many items and still remain unspoilt.

I'd forcus on their behaviour and attitude personally if you feel they are becoming spoilt, not the material stuff.

You have already mentioed the eldest child as a rude, negative attitude towards his own mother with regards her weight - so I do thing this is a much bigger issue, than how many clothes they have.

Bonsoir- I thought this was a joke at first but I guess not. They are allowed some luxury, you know. I think you're more bothered that you can't provide them with the fun stuff so you resent that she can. They've had a great opportunity, be happy for them.

MadameDeFarge- I keep laughing at the midget thing.

More clothes and holidays than they know what to do with, yes. And food.

Why do adults feel the need to over-indulge children like this?

After your post a few weeks ago where you described Amanda Knox as the most stunningly beautiful woman you have ever seen I can't take anything you post seriously.

Poor kids.

Addicted to demonising your DH's ew is also a bit of a worry.

She parents differently to you (thank fuck for that). Your dh does stuff for the kids..wooo wooo, get the halos.....if you can find them under the bathroom scales, ooh, but no, they would add weight, wouldn't they...?

It probably makes the ExW feel better for splitting up with their father?

Well I would be pissed off too.
Spoilt fat jaded kids?
No thanks.

brahms "Also, am I the only person who really doesn't notice that people are in any better shape in Paris than London (if you compare nice bits of Paris and London)? I think this French chic thing was all well and good in the eighteenth century, but doesn't really match up now."

Yes totally agree and when you go to the not so well off areas you see dumpy women with crap haircuts wandering around in anoraks just as you see in the UK. The whole thing is a myth.

Re cultural things, I don't have any french friends but have quite a few friends with italian parents, none of them has ever asked me how much I weigh

The breakfast morning sounds like the sort of neurotic endless diet conversations that i have had to put up with in lots of offices I have worked in.

Plus my parents are fanatical about weight, and thinness, and even they would not come out with straight "how much do you weigh". My anorexic brother said it once BUT he is a loon with no social skills and I pointed out to him that he was not being very polite.

I'm sorry but this whole thread is patent nonsense

totally and utterly

It was always most amusing to always be the tallest person on the metro....

How on earth is having a fantastic holiday, buying clothes and putting on some weight "fall out"? Sounds like a bloody good time to me!
Is it that they've had fun without you and your dp controlling their every move that's bothering you?

I'd also quite like to add a note of warning - I grew up with very controlling parents - weighed me etc (sound familiar?) Fast forward 20ish years, and I am very overweight. Is that the future you want for your dss's and dd? I think not.

I can't believe I'm actually posting on such a wanky thread!

Haven't read the whole thread but ^ what they said, basically.

Your priorities are truly warped if you're depressed becuase two kids went on holiday with their mum, ate too much and bought tacky clothes from a well known chain store.

Are we allowed to mention other threads at all here, because I am dying to mention some advice you gave somebody else recently. Probably bad form, but omg you are so far beyond hypocrisy it is laughable.

We can, and do, provide very easily for the DSSs (no shortage of income in either household). But we choose to provide very different things. I don't think it's a luxury to be overfed.

You still haven't answered the 4kg question....

id say " dh its your prob"
wonder what exw calls BONsoir?

No, you're absolutely right Bonsoir - putting on 9kg is as bad as being addicted to crack.

If you don't face up to the fact that your DSSs' mother is not going to parent in the exact same way as you, you are going to waste a lot of energy. Concentrate on your own child.

Why do you weigh them? I don't understand! Do you also weigh your 5 year old dd?

in fact am almost tempted to send this thread to my exh but then it would blow my cover

Anna, really give up on Mumsnet, maybe there is a business opportunity for setting up Mamansnet? They you would all be judging from the same mad refined Parisian viewpoint?

Sometimes I'd just love to only have DD to concentrate on - it would certainly be a lot simpler! But I don't - I have two DSSs who are here half the time and who need a lot of input while they are here, from both me and DP. I have lots of responsibilities in my family that I cannot ignore.

Yes, only having one child to herd on and off the scales of a morning would cut down on all that road traffic responsibility around the bath room....

LOL

People get a grip. 4kg in 2 weeks IS a lot of weight to put on even for a teenage boy, I would think. And of course you can see an extra 4kg on a normal weight person - I know people commented a lot on my chubbiness when I put on that amount.

A whole suitcase full or new clothes doesn't sound right to me either.

But neither of those are reasons to feel depressed, surely?

Maybe they don't need as much input as you think they do. For example, the obsession with their weight could probably go...