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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is some new kind of useless streak of piss?

88 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:31

OMG
DH is 'sporadic' in his housework, but when he does it, he does it properly. It's too few and far between for my liking but hey. He had some time at home on monday without DS and did a few things. Fair dos. Today is the first full day at home since end Nov for him and DS. I got up for work, changed DS, gave him his breakfast, got myself ready and hung out the clean washing. Winched DH out of bed and left.

I kindly picked DS up from DH in town on my way home (sort of - took me an extra 25 mins) so he could go to mate's. Get home and....

Washing up still on dining table, not in kicthen, let alone washed up

DS pyjamas on living room floor

Bin full of nappies still where I left it

Toys everywhere

etc, ad nauseam. Had to cook DS dinner and tidy up first. Thing is, it took me 10 mins tops to straighten the place up, which is what I told DH at length over several phone calls. I just can't believe it's all he can do to watch DS and get them out of the house (not until 3pm I might add)

I know he's capable of more but what a fucking useless shower he is. I ranted copiously about how disrespectful he is and how lazy and he just listens with that 'patient DH' face on (I know I can't see him but I know he's wearing it). I have left him every scrap of washing up to do but this better not be the case tomorrow, I will have his balls for earrings.

and breathe............

(now sitting with large glass of wine and pasta cooking on hob, DS sleeping and TV on)

OP posts:
Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:33

Oh yeah he said 'but I did lots yesterday'...yesterday was a different fucking day, does he think housework stays done til the next day? Ha!

He's always complaining about how washing up accumulates after he's done loads. Well yeah, y'know, we eat food. Twat.

OP posts:
belgo · 05/01/2010 19:35

YABU.
you sound horrible.

HumphreyCobbler · 05/01/2010 19:35

pmsl at 'I did lots yesterday'

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/01/2010 19:37

I'm flicking him the V's for you

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:37

I sound horrible? Why?

OP posts:
Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:38

I'm calling him names here so I don't call him names in RL...isn't that better?

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 05/01/2010 19:38

YANBU and you don't sound horrible, just tired and fed up with a lazy 'D'H

AnnieLobeseder · 05/01/2010 19:39

YABVU. If this was reversed and an MNers came on here saying that her DH had torn strips out of her when he got home because the house was a mess, there would be outrage at what a knob he was being.

When I was a SAHM my DH frequently came home to the house in a state like you describe, and if I tried to apolgise, he'd just say that I was doing an incredible job and we'd tidy the mess together once the DDs were in bed.

Pull yourself together. At least he's willing and happy to stay home with your DS, which is far more than you'd get from a lot of men.

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 19:41

I don't know what planet belgo is on, but def not the one I'm on. I would have been less than impressed to have been out all day at work and come home to that & there's no way I'd leave a shit tip like that for someone else to come home to either - it's just not on - especially when they are going out of their way to pick the kid(s) up so you can go out - just not on at all.

"I did lots yesterday".... FGS - How old is he?? Ball for earings for a start....

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/01/2010 19:41

you did call him lazy and disrespectful

Maybe he was having fun playing with his DS

belgo · 05/01/2010 19:43

Well exactly Annielobeseder

compo · 05/01/2010 19:44

Yanbu
women look after the kids all day every day and still manage to tidy up and get the washing up dine after dinner
why should her dh be haloed cos he looked after hid child all day but couldn't manage to even move the dishes from the dining room to the kitchen sink?!

SixtyFootDoll · 05/01/2010 19:44

THis was his first full day at home with Ds since the end of November?
Maybe he wanted to enjoy spending some time alone with hsi son?
Agree with AL's comments.
WHen you are at home all day and DH goes to work does he have a go at you if the washing up isnt done?

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 19:45

So Annie - you would have days where you didn't even put the breakfast dishes into the kitchen, leave a bag of dirty nappies hanging around & not put PJ's away?? Really?

It's one thing for it to be a bit messy with toys, but all that other stuff - just lazy & no excuse. Also, if you are going out, how long does it take to put the toys away and make the house presentable for someone coming home? No one was expecting him to have done any real 'housework' just tidy up a bit....

compo · 05/01/2010 19:46

Hey lets all go on strike and have fun with the dcs and let the partner who returns home from work to clear everything up while we go out with mates

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 19:48

Oh don't forget Compo, they have to pick the kids up too and take them home to the mess, make them dinner, do bed & bath routine etc - after they've cleaned up the house.... sounds brilliant.

GhoulsAreLoud · 05/01/2010 19:49

YANBU, my DH is the same.

He barely does any housework at all but when he does he has to do it to absolute perfection when it isn't necessary and will spend 45 minutes hoovering when he could have got the entire house straight in that time.

And he leaves clothes and books all over the floor on his side of the bed like a student.

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 19:49

FGS the OP did more before she went to work than he did all day - no wonder she's pissed off... I'm pissed off for her

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:49

Guys - I'm talking ten minutes of sorting out. I did not expect the house to be cleaned, just not disgusting. Call me unreasonable but I expect to be able to drop DS in a room that isn't a health hazard (seriously) go straight to the kitchen and cook him some dinner. I would never ever leave the place like that for him, and DS sleeps for a minimum of 1 hour in the day so he didn't have to miss out on any DS time whatsoever.

When we decided to have a child we agreed to share care as much as possible and use childcare as little as possible - that means him staying home with him as much as possible - which he loves by the way - he's not some kind of hero for staying at home with DS at all! It's what he wanted!

But some people think I'm being U - I won't be precious about it.

But I so wasn't - so ner

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/01/2010 19:51

Hmm, am on the fence on this one. I do have days when I do near bugger all and I wouldn't expect to be torn off a strip. I also would hesitate to call someone disrespectful and then go on to describe them as a streak of piss. However, if you feel constantly taken advantage of, I can understand your annoyance.

Need more info really.

starkadder · 05/01/2010 19:51

I think YANBU depending on how old DS and how hard your DH tried. Nice for him to have fun with DS and I wouldn't be bothered about toys being everywhere but a bit grim to leave washing up and nappies unless he REALLY had to - i.e. was not able to keep on top of it due to tiny baby needs or other extenuating circumstances.

MisSalLaneous · 05/01/2010 19:53

YABU. Not for being irritated about it, but really, "useless streak of piss" is crazy overreacting! I feel almost sorry for the (messy) man.

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 19:53

He had time with DS over Xmas anyway - but at my parents so it wasn't like he had to do any housework there really!

OP posts:
pithyslicker · 05/01/2010 19:59

I'm just impressed you hung the washing out...

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/01/2010 20:01

Well....

We had 'ishoos' when I went back to work for a couple of weeks due to DH being unable to do any bloody thing that wasn't related to looking after DS. DS is an easy child, he's 16mo now so not a baby. He happily plays with his toys while I leave him to go to the kitchen or whatever. He also sleeps for 1-2 hours in the middle of the day which I tend to use to tidy a bit and sit on my bum with tea. He sort of got the hang of it and would manage to do some washing up and vague tidying (but not what I would do, but that's fine)

He is lazy and is happy to sit in a nasty messy room whereas I prefer to sort it out before relaxing. He will also leave stuff for me to do regularly. He would never have a go about how much housework I do, but then I do lots more than him!

I don't expect the house to be spotless, I'm not houseproud, but dirty dishes in the living room is one of my pet hates. I just can't stand it. But DH is the sort of man who takes clothes out of the drawer then 'forgets' to shut the drawer after him, every time. Little things like that just don't occur to him, whereas they drive me crazy.

The thing about today was he had done nothing. Not one scrap of tidying, not one scrap of cleaning, and I know how easy DS is, he would have spent a large proportion of today sitting on his bum.

But I don't understand what he does because he doesn't watch tv or go on the internet. He did make some important phone calls, but maximum 30 minutes worth.

Anyway, I'm calmer now and will accept his humble apology when he gets in.

I didn't call him lazy actually, only thought it. I did say it felt like he didn't respect me when I walked in to a house in that state, and got a bit upset on the phone. A few tears guaranteed to make him feel guilty

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