To think DH is some new kind of useless streak of piss?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

OMG
DH is 'sporadic' in his housework, but when he does it, he does it properly. It's too few and far between for my liking but hey. He had some time at home on monday without DS and did a few things. Fair dos. Today is the first full day at home since end Nov for him and DS. I got up for work, changed DS, gave him his breakfast, got myself ready and hung out the clean washing. Winched DH out of bed and left.

I kindly picked DS up from DH in town on my way home (sort of - took me an extra 25 mins) so he could go to mate's. Get home and....

Washing up still on dining table, not in kicthen, let alone washed up

DS pyjamas on living room floor

Bin full of nappies still where I left it

Toys everywhere

etc, ad nauseam. Had to cook DS dinner and tidy up first. Thing is, it took me 10 mins tops to straighten the place up, which is what I told DH at length over several phone calls. I just can't believe it's all he can do to watch DS and get them out of the house (not until 3pm I might add)

I know he's capable of more but what a fucking useless shower he is. I ranted copiously about how disrespectful he is and how lazy and he just listens with that 'patient DH' face on (I know I can't see him but I know he's wearing it). I have left him every scrap of washing up to do but this better not be the case tomorrow, I will have his balls for earrings.

and breathe............

(now sitting with large glass of wine and pasta cooking on hob, DS sleeping and TV on)

Yep - us too. Sometimes it seems like we are arguing but we are just communicating...my brother and his DP who are both very gentle, softly spoken people find it hilarious. But they are used to it...I think it's partly his culture as well where they all shout all the time and you can think his family are going hammer and tongs at each other - but it's just a normal family conversation.

I'm simply not a softly softly sort of person, and nor is he. I also enjoy swearing

I don't think you are being unreasonable especially if this is constant behaviour - I have one like this at home! He can step over the laundry basket, rubbish bags, dirty crockery etc and claim to not see what housework needs to be done. Drives me mad sometimes.

As for continually posting on here, it certainly doesn't sound like you do but even if you did, don't think you should apologise or worry about that! Post away!

I was going to put YANBU to be annoyed, YABVVU to call your DH a 'twat' and a 'useless streak of piss'. But if you're 'not a softly softly sort of person' and you 'enjoy swearing' then do what you like. Hard for me to judge - I can't stand phrases like the ones you used.

Ha ha this is turning in to a very funny thread. Kat - we already know we have the same husband from another thread. Mine too leaves draws and cupboards open and lights on and socks in balls and underwear in trousers and short sleeves rolled up. They used to be all over the floor. I refuse to wash anything that isn't in the laundry basket and having said that once, I just kept quiet. He has got the hint and things now go in to the laundry basket BUT sleeves on shirts rolled up and socks in balls etc etc. I say that all I do is sort in to colours and whites, no other prep so if they don't get clean that's his problem. I think I am slowly winning the battle.

He tried to blame light leaving on with me until I could prove it was him......the light was on in the toilet - and surprise surprise, the seat was up so it must have been him . No really, it was - it wasn't a set up!

Cupboards and drawers all elft open - I don't close them and then he starts to get annoyed by them and starts to close them.

He never puts stuff in to the bin / recycling and I don't clear up after him. Eventually it annoys him and then he'll start to do it again.

if gender were reversed the mn opinion would be how very dare he tell you what to do/criticise your efforts just because he works.you are a goddess and entitled to fanny about,not wash up

all advice would be if my man said that to me i'd kick him in clackers/change the locks/kill him

He has been prancing around this evening smugly pointing out how much housework he has done and saying things like 'you will remember to wash those three plates while I'm out won't you', provoking a strong desire to whack him one.

May I point out though before everyone who thinks I'm a nagging foul mouthed harpy jumps on me - he was doing it to wind me up and it was quite funny. Kind of.

Smug git.

I'm more tidy minded than my dh and tidy/clean as I go so when I've got the kids on my own the house rarely gets into a state for long. My DH is not like that but is getting there, particularly with the routines we've got like one bath/bed kids and the other wash up tea etc. he's started taking dishes out with him now when he leaves the front room. (I'm thinking of the next target
But washing clothes is beyond him bless him and he never shuts drawers/wardrobe etc. He just doesn't think about it. It's remembering that that calms me down sometimes- he hasn't looked at it and thought "hmm that needs doing but I'll leave it for dw", he just waftily goes onto something more interesting, whereas I have to put something away otherwise it bothers me. In a way I've got the problem, being so bothered by something not being where it should.
I also think it depends on my mood how angry I get about something. I went shopping and came back to the house a mess from dh having the kids before my mum had come to take them out and he'd obviously just left it and gone out. For some reason I felt really cross I think because my instinctive urge was to tidy but I didn't want to because none of it was mine and when I'd left it had been tidy. Anyway instead of having a go I took the dog out so I wasn't stuck looking at it and sent him a really polite text asking him to tidy it up when he got in, which he did and the whole situation was defused.

I think it helps if you see it as having different levels of tidiness rather than him deliberately leaving stuff for you. He probably just isn't thinking.

Wow quite a long post saying nothing in particular!

drink your wine.stop mumping.relax

scottishmummy
I don't think anyone is entitled to sit on their arse all day and leave their partner to deal with all the mess plus picking up the child plus cooking them dinner and putting them to bed. I think that's selfish behaviour from whoever stays at home. Like I said, we share care (DS has 2 days in nursery ATM, we have 2 days off together) so I have 2 full days by myself with DS too, I would never do it to him. Neither of us are SAHPs so it really isn't about the politics of gender or SAHPing.

If he was a SAHD I think it would be different and it truly would be out of order for me to have a go, if it wasn't usually like that. But the fact is that we both do exactly the same amount of caring for DS and we should therefore do a similar amount for each other on the days the other one works.

But then I have to say I'm always keen to do dinner and bed when I've been at work, DH more keen to sit down with a cup of tea/beer and relax

kat,after a day at work get a glass of wine.dont stew tomorrow is a new day.if it is ongoing have a tactful wee word with dh.maybe omitting to say that he is some new kind of useless streak of piss

I'm not stewing - was yesterday and we spent today cleaning and sorting together quite happily.

Good advice though. He has gone out again (peace and quiet....) and am enjoying wine healthful herbal tea. Tesco couldn't come because of the snow