To think DH is some new kind of useless streak of piss?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

OMG
DH is 'sporadic' in his housework, but when he does it, he does it properly. It's too few and far between for my liking but hey. He had some time at home on monday without DS and did a few things. Fair dos. Today is the first full day at home since end Nov for him and DS. I got up for work, changed DS, gave him his breakfast, got myself ready and hung out the clean washing. Winched DH out of bed and left.

I kindly picked DS up from DH in town on my way home (sort of - took me an extra 25 mins) so he could go to mate's. Get home and....

Washing up still on dining table, not in kicthen, let alone washed up

DS pyjamas on living room floor

Bin full of nappies still where I left it

Toys everywhere

etc, ad nauseam. Had to cook DS dinner and tidy up first. Thing is, it took me 10 mins tops to straighten the place up, which is what I told DH at length over several phone calls. I just can't believe it's all he can do to watch DS and get them out of the house (not until 3pm I might add)

I know he's capable of more but what a fucking useless shower he is. I ranted copiously about how disrespectful he is and how lazy and he just listens with that 'patient DH' face on (I know I can't see him but I know he's wearing it). I have left him every scrap of washing up to do but this better not be the case tomorrow, I will have his balls for earrings.

and breathe............

(now sitting with large glass of wine and pasta cooking on hob, DS sleeping and TV on)

No we share care, I work 3.5 days and he works approx 4 days.

Like I said - I didn't expect the house to be clean, but there are certain things that need to be done before DS's dinner can be prepared - such as removing dirty dishes from his reach on the table etc. Why should I, after working all day, go out of my way to collect DS from town, and arrive home later than usual to a bloody messy horrible house to do the bedtime routine on my own? I would never do that, it's basic consideration.

I am really annoyed with skihorse's post though - I really am not on here 'every other week bitching about him' - I bitch about him every now and again, he does make me happy, but sometimes he's a massive PITA as we all can be! I don't know why you have the idea that I'm on here ranting about him all the time, I really don't.

Anyway, I was having a moan and was totally over it until I read that post, so I'll step away now.....

I have done a search and since May last year I have posted 6 threads about DH. They were on the following subjects-
DH doesn't want to come to my family for Xmas - resolved - he did, and had a lovely time
Does DH have Aspergers - v helpful discussion of some of DH's odd behaviour
Pissed off with DH - for an incident that prompted the aspergers query
DH overreacts - well yes he does but it's an annoying personality trait, not divorcable behaviour
I did something terrible - we were having a hard time between April - June but have resolved it - my behaviour was out of order
Sad about my marriage - in the midst of our hard time, again, resolved it.

It makes me feel very unwilling to post about DH when I feel that people are judging my marriage and following me around to tell me I'm not happy, based on God knows what impression they have from my posts. Yes, DH can be an irritating, lazy muppet but he's also a fantastic, hands on dad, a committed husband and an incredibly hard worker. He's kind and loving and honest and upstanding and he makes me happy. I don't know why I feel I have to defend my marriage here but I feel very defensive and a bit pissed off to be honest.

thesecondcoming
I very much doubt you would stay all day in the house and not lift a finger to do a thing in the house. When I have DS I do not have the house sparkling by any means, don't do the 'dinner on the stove' thing, DH and I tidy together once DS is sorted and in bed. That's fine.
If DH works late then I do it by myself, again, that's fine.
What I was objecting to yesterday was the fact that DH had taken DS into town knowing that I was picking him up and that DH was going straight to his mate's house - so knowing that he would not be around to help with the tidy up, and still had not lifted a finger to help me out at the end of the day. When I go out in the evening I always help DH before I go, I would never go out at 5 and leave him with all the dinner/bedtime stuff plus tidying up, unless it was unavoidable. In the case of yesterday, it was totally avoidable, he was in all day, knew he was going straight out (on a jolly, not working) and knew he was leaving everything for me to do.

This is not at all about ranting at him for not doing housework, it's about ranting at him for being inconsiderate and dismissive.

kat - I don't know why skihorse felt the need to post that, I thought it was unnecessary & bitchy - & that was before your post above. 6 times in 9 months - LOL some people post that in a week!! Don't worry about it and don't think everyone is judging you - just one person either being very bitchy or just mixing you up with someone else (either way not nice or helpful). FGS, if you can't vent here without that kind of judgement where can you??

As I said before, I would have been pissed off coming home to that mess, when he'd swanned off with mates - quite different somehow to coming home to a bit of a state when they are there too (not that that is great either, but not quite so bad!).

Post away

Well thanks Chippingin
MN is the place to vent/get advice/perspective and sound off and I don't want to feel that I can't.

kat you really don't need to justify your postings.

I know - but skihorse posted almost exactly the same thing on the last thread I posted about DH - I asked her then why she felt that and she didn't reply - I'm feeling a little bit 'persecuted' - or something.

Skihorse - perhaps you have confused me with someone else. If not, and you have drawn the conclusion that I am unhappy in my marriage from the 6 posts I have written about DH in the last 9 months, I would like to let you know that he does not make me unhappy. Of course I cannot ask you not to post on my threads, you are free to post wherever you like, but your posts are making me feel very defensive and reluctant to post about DH, which is not really the point of MN.

kat - ignore, ignore, ignore

Fair dos
You do get my point though, don't you? I'd do the same as you re handing baby to DH and doing the tidying then. I wouldn't leave it all for him and fuck off out. I just wouldn't. That's out of order IMO.

well I think you are over reacting a bit to be honest! yes he could have done more BUT it cant have been that bad from what you say and perhaps he just hadnt got round to it yet?

I would be annoyed if my husband came home from work and said why havent you done this, this, this, etc because frankly he wasnt there so why should I live my day by his standards?.

I dont think this is a man vs woman thing its just two people with different attitudes towards housework. I know I tend to leave ALL off the tidying housework etc until the kids are going to bed because I get sick of repeating it through the day so I suppose I am lucky my husband is understanding of this!

ok forgot to say If he NEVER did anything it would be different but it sounds liek he just does it in his own way

kat, I wouldn't stress about skihorse, she's known for being inflammatory. I tend to ignore her.

And Chipping - yes, I do tend to leave the house in a dreadful state when I'm at home for the day. I prefer to do my tidying in one huge blitz at the end of the day.

If kat's DH did this every day, perhaps she would have reason to grumble. But not at a one-off.

what fernie said....

Annie - .

kat I'm sorry if you feel I've picked up on more than one of your threads - it's true I have. I'm not sure why at all because obviously nobody on earth has time to read each and every thread - it's perhaps because your thread titles always seem to catch my attention - plus, this may have been one of the few posts today not about blinkin' snow!

It was only after I'd made my first reply I clicked who you were... rather than being "deliberately inflammatory" as per lobster's comment above - I advocate not talking to (or about) your loved ones as though they're shit. This is an unpopular view apparently. That's the bit which confuses me - I just don't understand why people are with/having children with/loving people whom they refer to as "a useless streak of piss" - and of course you are not by ant stretch of the imagination the only person on this site who does this! I find it sad that clearly so many women are spending their lives so unhappy.

If anyone's DH criticises them for the house being a tip, you can bet that within 3 posts someone has posted this. Amazed nobody yet has!!

Well, I don't think it's actually that great - I think it rather labours a point - but I just found it interesting that nobody thought to post it in this case where it was a man's domestic skills being criticised...

if it were me, I would have just left it all there for when he got back!

Could you give him a cleaning rota?

OP YANBU at all. And thank you for this post, it was a real slap in the face for me. I am exactly like your DH and now that you've put it this way I can see how horrible it is. Poor DH barey ever complains.

Gotta change this. Now.

Cleaning rota? Lol. I couldn't leave it, I can't relax like that.

To be fair, we have spent the afternoon (snow day) cleaning the house together while DS was at nursery. He doesn't shirk when he feels like it, but doesn't get that you simply have to do the bare minimum, even if you don't feel like it. Well you do unless you have a DW to pick up the slack

Skihorse - fair dos. I won't apologise or feel bad for using that language about him yesterday -I was furious with him and that's how I felt. I, like lequeen, am quite volatile and would rather call him a useless streak of piss on here than in RL. The language was also a tiiiny bit tongue in cheek but I suppose that didn't come across. But being furious with him sometimes doesn't mean I'm unhappy, with him, or generally. Perhaps it's not how you run your life, but I can be (and often am) furious with him at times and frustrated and pissed off, but it doesn't make me love him any less. I would be the same with any partner, it's the way I am, and I have a partner who is robust enough to take me as I am, so it works out very well, most of the time.

Gobsmacked - if you really are like that, it's not very nice to feel dumped with all the work, even once in a while, so I hope you can get the support you need to change your habits! Sorry I don't mean that to sound patronising.