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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to refuse to let my MIL visit, with large entourage, 10 days before DC2 is due?

108 replies

sushistar · 03/01/2010 19:08

She wants to come with 3 other inlaws and one of their babies, for 'a few hours'. I will be 38+6 and have a 2 year old DC1, and am feeling very tired. We did the rounds at Christmas, saw everyone, and I sort of thought i'd got the inlaws ticked off until after the birth. I don't want to entertain 5 for tea just before baby comes. I want to stay in my PJs and eat chocolate. I've told DH he must tell her no... he tried to say no at Christmas but she was very pushy.

I'm genuinely not sure - AIBU?

OP posts:
ComeOveneer · 03/01/2010 19:09

yanbu. Stick to your guns and make sure dh does too! If she persists take to your bed!

MrsMattie · 03/01/2010 19:10

Just feign illness and get your DH to tell her you can't possibly see anyone, much too tired, maybe even flu etc.

If she is really very pushy tell her she can take your oldest child out to the park for 'just a few hours' (while you stay at home and eat chocolate in your PJs)

YANBU.

TheCrackFox · 03/01/2010 19:12

Let them come and then sit around in your PJs eating chocolate. Let DH run around after them.

lovechoc · 03/01/2010 19:12

YANBU - tell her you would like to relax before the baby comes. You will contact her when you are ready, make sure you are the one in control - not MIL.

DuelingFanjo · 03/01/2010 19:13

I don't know, if it's just a few hours is it so bad? Will your husband be there to entertain them?

Original poster
sushistar · 03/01/2010 19:16

Forgot to say - DH will be at work. I'll be entertaining them on my own. DC1 is a beautiful wonderful child, but he is at his naughtiest when we have visitors in the house, and MIL has strong views on child behaviour. I have an image of myself trying to stop him throwing toys at the cat, whilst making cups of tea and making polite conversation all whilst I'm the size of a whale.

They could all come the day after, when DH will be off work, but they would rather not because MIL thinks the traffic will be worse on that day.

OP posts:
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 03/01/2010 19:16

Will husband be about?

If you're expected to make them food or run around after them in anyway it's a bit unfair.

I'd make my excuses I think. She might even understand.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 03/01/2010 19:18

Sorry, x posted. Tell them day after or not at all- it should be them trying not to inconvenience you, not the other way round. Get DH to tell her. You shouldn't really have to deal with it- sounds like you've enough on your plate.

Coldhands · 03/01/2010 19:19

If your DH is not going to be there then YANBU. You gave an alternative and she came out with a crappy excuse. Say to DH its the day he is off work so you can rest or not at all, its not fair to expect you to entertain that many people in your condtion now.

TheCrackFox · 03/01/2010 19:19

If Dh is at work then feign a migraine.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 03/01/2010 19:20

I think it would be very 'pointed' if you said no. Perhaps, as soon as you answer the door you could say something like "oh thank goodness you're here, I've wrenched my back and have been so looking forward to being able to sit down!"!!!

You never know, it might even work....people often like to feel needed and useful?

DuelingFanjo · 03/01/2010 19:21

Oh in that case I think tell them sorry it's just not convenient for you but suggest that they come at a time when DH is there to look after them.

compo · 03/01/2010 19:22

tell them you'll go to hers the day after with dh and then you can leave when you want

Original poster
sushistar · 03/01/2010 19:25

I did suggest to DH he tell them I'm having lots of Braxton hicks and feel I might go into labour at any second (which is half true...)

We did try to put her off at Christmas (DH saw my face when she announced the plan - she didn't ask to come, she just said she was coming iyswim) but she's not one to take a hint. It will have to be a downright 'No', which just seems very rude. And makes me feel guilty. Obviously DH would rather I said yes, so he doesn't have to tell her not to come, but he's willing to do it if I insist. I just wanted to check I wasn't being an unreasonable cow!

OP posts:
Original poster
sushistar · 03/01/2010 19:26

Compo, they are 2 hrs away and I don't want to sit in a car for 4 hours - it'll be very uncomfy and DC1 will cry!

OP posts:
ThumbleBells · 03/01/2010 19:29

YANBU - she is.

I would tell her next day or not at all - OR say that it's lovely of her to volunteer to come and take your DC out for the day to give you a rest but sadly you won't be able to entertain them indoors on account of you being too tired/pg/emotional/ready to pop. And then stick to it.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 03/01/2010 19:31

If she is this rude, you should think nothing of telling her a stragith no.

She has literally invited herself to you, without regard for your condition.
Say you are busy that day, but will have them over the day after. If she insists, then let them come, and tell them where the kitchen is, put your feet up, and say "Marge, Dc1 has been so much looking forward to you coming, I told him you would take him to the park as I am not able to at the moment, with my advanced pregnancy." then announce: "I take my tea with milk, no sugar, thanks"

Original poster
sushistar · 03/01/2010 19:37

To be fair she did say they would take DC out for a bit. But it will still be tea and polite chate before hand, then more tea and polite chat afterwards, and one of the inlaws coming is a bit awkward, and the baby will be crawling and grizzling and destroying things (as all small babies do - she's a charmer, but all 10 month olds are tiring to have as house guests especially when you can't bend down very well!).

OP posts:
uglymugly · 03/01/2010 19:47

If you've already seen your MIL etc over Christmas then there's no need for them to visit again in such numbers just shortly after.

Good grief, I was last pregnant over 30 years ago but I can (just about) recall those last couple of weeks of pregnancy with a toddler. I am appalled when reading about older women who don't seem to be able to recall what it was like for them (unless, of course, they've re-written history, which some seem to do). The last couple of weeks is when you really, really need to do as much resting as possible - and all adults should recognise that their wants come far down the list of priorities.

Stick your guns on this one. Your needs come before their wants.

ThumbleBells · 03/01/2010 19:47

you're caving, I can feel it...
tell them day after when DH there or not at all, it's just not fair on you.

wonderingwondering · 03/01/2010 19:51

Just say no, thank you for the offer (you're sure she was thinking you'd be 'waiting' and grateful for the company), but you'll be too busy getting ready for the birth - if she presses you, you can say sorting out clothes, cleaning, food, hospital bag, and simply spending time with your toddler before the new baby arrives. Nothing unreasonable in that.

YANBU to want to rest, but four people isn't a 'large entourage' - try not to be too irritated about it

2rebecca · 03/01/2010 19:52

I'd say no and give pregnancy as excuse and the fact that your husband won't be there. Why feel guilty? She's being unreasonable inviting a load of your husband's rellies round when he won't be there and you're heavily pregnant.
I'd have said no to that without a second thought.
Different if it's just 2 of them and they are helpful inlaws who will make you tea and occupy the kids, but you don't want to be entertaining on your own when tired.

PurpleEglu · 03/01/2010 19:55

YANBU, you'll be exhausted. How rude of people to invite themselves over en masse. Definitely day after or not at all. Does MIL not want to see her son?

TheBlasphemousShadow · 03/01/2010 19:59

I second the opinion that your DH should say the next day or not at all.

If she's that desperate to visit you she should compromise a bit to suit you. Traffic should not make that much of a difference...

YANBU

BouncingTurtle · 03/01/2010 20:05

Tell her you will be out all day!!!

In fact don't tell her anything and lock all the doors, shut the curtains and pretend you are not in when she calls around.

What a rude woman!