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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DP'ex why they split up?

48 replies

CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 15:34

DP is at work. I've had a bit to drink so cannot fully trust my own judgement.

I'm talking to his ex via facebook and am dying to ask why they split up because he just won't talk about it.

Yay or nay?

OP posts:
Lulumama · 02/01/2010 15:35

why in gods name are you talking to his ex???

step away ..

if you can't ask your partner why they split, then you don't want to know the answer

or you don't feel good about things

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 15:36

Nay. Move away from Facebook. Now.

mistletoekisses · 02/01/2010 15:36

Nay, nay, nay.

Why on earth are you FB'ing with your DP's ex???? Dangerous, dangerous.

Move away from the computer!

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 02/01/2010 15:37

You've had a bit to drink - it's 3.30!!

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 15:38

Go and put the kettle on. It's much safer than the computer.

Original poster
CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 15:39

yes, I'm fed up, pissed off, full of regret ... I'm talking to his ex ... I know, I need to sort myself out!

OP posts:
Rindercella · 02/01/2010 15:40

Step away from Facebook. Have you not read the countless threads on here about people's (mis)use of FB fucking up relationships?

If your partner won't tell you the reason for the breakup of his previous relationship, there's probably a good reason (and one you probably won't want to hear).

SleighGirl · 02/01/2010 15:40

I think after your other post you've got nothing to lose by asking her!

Original poster
CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 15:41

I just want the truth. I don't see why its so difficult for people to be bloody honest these days. I'm sick of all the secrets and the second guessing.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 02/01/2010 15:42

do you know her personaly, how long have you and he been together!

Original poster
CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 15:43

I've never met her lol

OP posts:
purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 02/01/2010 15:43

Why do you deserve to know the truth? Its not any of your business.
Why are you full of regrets if you have a dp? Are you still in love with your ex?

mistletoekisses · 02/01/2010 15:43

People are together. They may break up. One side will have one perspective. The other person will have their own perspective. Outsiders will have another perspective.

Gauge your relationship on its own merits. If you are happy, then great. If not, then do something about it.

What on earth has the ex got to do with it all?

dinoroar · 02/01/2010 15:45

Keep away from FB with his ex.

Instead, ask him to tell you what happened. How new is your relationship and do you have any kids with this man? I am the kind of person who wants the whole truth, no matter how unpalatable it is. Sounds like you are too and I would try to get it out of DP himself, it is a mistake to try the ex.

DuelingFanjo · 02/01/2010 15:45

if you have never met her why are you talking to her on facebook!

GypsyMoth · 02/01/2010 15:49

i always speak to my ex's new women...via fb or msn....i feel its my duty to inform them of his violent history and all that it entails. they usually end up confiding in me,and he is on 3rd woman now,who recently told me he's started being violent to her too and social services involved due to her having dc..

i will always contact them...always,i told him this yeaqrs ago

purpleduck · 02/01/2010 15:50

OH!!! you're talking to HIS ex - sorry, I thought you were talking to YOUR EX's ex

No no no!!! You would be violating his privacy big time!

What if he did something horrible, but learned his lesson, and is now a reformed character? You can never un-know that, and you could really hurt your relationship.

Step away!!!

Hassled · 02/01/2010 15:53

You have to bear in mind that the reply she gives won't necessarily be the truth either. And you'll never have any way of telling - it won't get you any further forward. And if you have problems in your relationship, that has nothing to do with what happened with the Ex.

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 15:54

Do they believe you, ILT? If so do they assume that, for some reason, they are "different" and can "cure" his violent tendencies? Only there's nowt so blind as those that have no reason to see and I'm afraid I can imagine this occurring.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 02/01/2010 15:55

Why do you think he won't tell you?

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/01/2010 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DollyMessiter · 02/01/2010 15:59

How would you feel if DP was speaking to your ex whilst you were out at work, and asking questions about something that you don't want to talk about with him?

Recipe for disaster.

Original poster
CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 16:04

Well I'm always honest about stuff so I wouldn't care less

OP posts:
purpleduck · 02/01/2010 16:06

Curse, this isn't about you..it is about them, and it really isn't your business.

Pikelit · 02/01/2010 16:10

If I discovered DP discussing the intimate details of my marriage breakup, I would, at the least, assume he'd gone utterly Tonto. At best I would be extremely confused and saddened to discover how insecure he felt our relationship was.

Not that I can imagine ex-DH being any more interested in providing a forensic analysis of our divorce than I can imagine DP wanting to hear one. Likewise me with his ex-DW.

This really is a no-go area. However, there's some serious sorting out needed in your relationship. None of which his ex should be included in!