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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with H this morning??

88 replies

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 10:54

I gave my husband a pass to meet his mate at the pub last night at 10.30pm. He said he wouldn't be out long but I wasn't too fussed as don't really control what he gets up to.

We've got 2 under 4 and I am 35 weeks pregnant so wasn't bothered about staying up so took myself off to bed at 11.30pm

DD2 woke me up at 12.30 and took ages to settle. I expected H home at about 1am. Heard him roll in at 2am with our neighbour and another bloke I'd never met before; they were really noisy and kept me awake until they all sodded off at 4am. Then H came to bed and snored for the next 3 hours until the kids woke up me up at 7am.

I got up and found they have drunk all the rest of the Sloe Gin I slaved over to make this year - we had half a bottle left after giving the rest as gifts.

He is still in bed and I refuse to wake him up as I'm not talking to him this morning. I feel as if he was really inconsiderate and selfish last night and I started 2010 in a foul mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have expected them to go to my neighbours house who has no kids and no 35 week pregnant wife in need of sleep.

Is is unreasonable of me to shout at him when he gets up or am I being a party pooper?? I'm just so tired.

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 01/01/2010 10:57

YANBU. That does sound incredibly selfish of him.

You dont have to talk to him to wake him up, send a child in.

There is nothing nicer than a lie in, even if it is just sitting in bed reading knowing that everything else is being taken care of for you.

He should be allowing you that, not sleeping off his hangover.

sticktoyourgins · 01/01/2010 11:00

Don't start the new year in a strop. When he wakes - at a time of YOUR choosing - take yourself off for a nap.

ihatetinselbob · 01/01/2010 11:01

I would be annoyed too. My dh did this to me one year, before we had children, but I was heavily pregnant and had to be up for work in the morning too.
I couldn't wait till the morning to say anything and I was so I shouted down the stairs something along the lines of 'shut the f* up, some of us have to go to work in the morning.' It worked and they left!
I would def let dh know that you are angry with him. Go and wake him up, let him sort out the kids and you go back to bed or have a nice long bath.
You deserve a rest, he doesn't deserve a lie in.

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:03

Thanks BidBadMummy. I would have loved a lie in - I have forgotton how tiring late pregnancy is - and that's before drunken guests and snoring husbands.

I am about to send both of my girls up to wake him up by leaping on his head and kneeing him in the goolies!

But to be honest it's nice and quiet with him asleep and I don't have to be all huffy and ignoring - even though I want to be!! So I might leave it another 5 minutes and then send up the monsters!!

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Kaloki · 01/01/2010 11:07

Send the girls up, it'll amuse them if nothiong else

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:10

Just sent the girls up with whispered instructions of "why don't you go and wake Daddy up by jumping on him REALLY hard!!"

Just heard a yell - think one of them had made contact with something delicate.

Am feeling smug.

OP posts:
largeginandtonic · 01/01/2010 11:10

I would be annoyed too.

Don't stew though. Yell at him and tell him you are taking tomorrow for a lie in and a day out just yourself.

Be normal for the rest of the day and look forward to tomorrow

carocaro · 01/01/2010 11:12

YANBU

The minute he eventualy gets up, you go to bed and sleep.

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:13

Now he's shouted and made my 4yr old cry. Bastard. Am getting very cross.

Think I am going to get dressed and go out. Then he'll have no choice but to get up. I amy find somewhere to have a very long coffee and be out for several hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:14

Can't sod off for the day tomorrow as we've got lunch at the inlaws.

But I will get my own back....... somehow.

OP posts:
Pheebe · 01/01/2010 11:17

I'm going yo buck the trend and say YABU (assuming this isn't his normal behaviour)

You say: I gave my husband a pass to meet his mate at the pub last night at 10.30pm.

This seemed odd to me to beging with. Why does a grown man need 'a pass' from his wife to go out?

You say: He said he wouldn't be out long but I wasn't too fussed as don't really control what he gets up to.

Clearly you are fussed and you do seem to at least want to control what he does. You start by saying you're not worried about what time he comes in then complain when he's later than you 'expect' him to be.

OK, bit unthinking of him to bring mates back but hey it was NYE and he'd most likely had a drink - surely you expected that at least.

YABVU to shout at him when he gets up and start the year in a strop. Much better that when he does get up you tell him calmly that you didn't get much sleep last night because he brought his mates back so you're going for a lie down. Then leave him to it hangover and all.

Sorry if this seems harsh. Being 35 weeks pregnant is tiring and you do loose perspective.

satc2bringiton · 01/01/2010 11:17

I would of been fuming at 4am and YANBU

However, on the other hand - it was NYE and I assume a bit of a one off.

I wouldn't bother be stroppy, as you'll only feel worse. Just enjoy that he will have a very sore head today

MumNWLondon · 01/01/2010 11:21

YANBU - suggest he takes the kids out for a walk after lunch so you can have a nap, you'll feel much better and def should explain why he was unreasonable - not because he came in late, but because you were happy for him to go out so you could get good nights sleep but he ruined this by bringing friends back, therefore you are exhausted and cross.

re: the sloe gin, i guess just one of these things unless he knew you were keeping it for something.

ScreaminEagle · 01/01/2010 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:27

A grown man doesn't need a pass to go out - it is a figure of speech that my husband jokingly used as he wanted to make sure that I didn't mind him going off for a drink while I sat at home on my own. He was quite considerate to ask and I certainly didn't expect him to sit at home just because I was fat and waddling!

I don't want to control him at all - in fact I am usually fairly chilled out over this sort of thing - I would never ask him not to do something or demand that he be home at a certain time. He himself said that as he was only going to the local pub it would close at 1am so he'd be back at the very latest by then. I don't know if I am the only one like this but I do tend to wake up when I hear the front door open at night and note that he is back so I don't worry that he's in a ditch somewhere.

It is not unusual for the boys to carry on their drinking when the pub closes. What annoys me is that our neighbour has no kids and no pregnant wife and lives 2 doors down - why couldn't they have gone there instead of keeping me awake.

I know it was NYE and that I why I wondered whether I was being a party pooper. I just expected my husband - who is usually fairly considerate - to not keep me awake half the night. I didn't feel that I could go downstairs and ask them to be quiet as he had someone I didn't know there and I thought that would embarrass him.

I think that deep down I don't really care - we don't get to party very much with having small children - but what I want him to do is get up, apologise without any prompting from me and to understand/realise that I am now very tired due to the fact that he was inconsiderate and I don't want to have to point it out!!

Or maybe I am expecting pigs to fly!!

OP posts:
Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:31

I think the Sloe gin thing is funny/annoying because his mate was asking how it was made and my H - in his drunk state - was pontificating about how to make it - but was in fact getting it all wrong, but taking all the credit while he didn't lift a single finger to make the stuff! Men are funny when they are drunk. We live in such a small cottage that you can hear what they are saying even with your duvet over your ears!

I wasn't saving it for anything in particular but had said several time that it would be nice to have a glass once the baby has arrived in 5 weeks! Now there's none for me.

OP posts:
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 01/01/2010 11:31

STOP!!! Rewind, grit your teeth, be nice!! get him up, go for your coffee if you like - but dont start 2010 on a downer.

Yep, he was an incosiderate bastard, but let him work that out for himself - just tell him that you are tired as you and his friends kept you awake and that you are going to bed for a couple of hours, he can entertain the monsters children.

Revenge is a dish best served cold - ha ha ha ha

GenieoftheTramp · 01/01/2010 11:31

Galadriel - I understood, Pheebe is taking things a tad too literally.

It is odd that they came to yours, unless you have a wii and they don't (or some such lure?!)

You will get revenge. Your time will come.

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:33

Think I'll take your advice about not being stroppy though - it takes too much energy - something I am lacking in today!

So I'm going to try and let him know calmly that I am annoyed. I don't want to spend the first day of 2010 in a strop with my usually lovely husband.

It's just that sometimes the selfishness of men amazes me.

OP posts:
Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:36

We do have a Wii - but they didn't even get it out.

Just spent 2 hours talking complete pissed bollox very loudly! Which can be done anywhere.

I will get revenge - when I add it to the whole "childbirth - squeezing a melon out etc etc" thing in 4 weeks I must be due some sort of jewelery at the very least!!!

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ImSoNotTelling · 01/01/2010 11:38

I'm with pheebe I'm afraid.

Bloke goes to pub on NYE has a bit to drink and brings a couple of mates home for afters, they tuck into sloe gin and get to bed at 4.

It's not exactly outrageously shocking is it.

Revenge? Get a grip. Tell him you were naffed off when he gets up, he'll (presumably) apologise, everything fine.

Original poster
galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 11:50

Anyway - he's up - I made him a cup of tea and very calmly said that I wouldn't mind going back to bed for a bit as I was a bit tired as they kept me awake last night.

He looked completely blank and amazed that I should suggest such a thing and then got in a right old strop with me saying that they weren't noisy and didn't mean to keep me awake. When I suggested that maybe next time they could go to our neighbours he seemed really cross. I said really nicely that of course I expected him to have been drunk - it was NYE, but that I had stayed in to get some sleep and that instead I was kept up all night.

He's in a really bad mood and I didn't raise my voice once or shout or anything. I can't win.

I'm hoping that he's just being defensive and feels guilty and maybe after a bit of processing time he might stop being annoyed at me.

Now I feel really upset. I've told him I'm annoyed and instead I'm made out to be the bad guy and feel guilty.

Think I'm just going to have to put it all behind me and wait until he's over his hangover for an apology. He is rather pale..........I think I'll just have to be smug that he's obviously suffering!!

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scottishmummy · 01/01/2010 11:54

what a disproportionate fuss!dh goes out and you are fuming?banging on about apologies.do get a grip princess

Runoutofideas · 01/01/2010 11:56

Maybe in some warped way he thought he was doing well by coming home rather than going to the neighbour's house as at least he was back and you weren't waiting up for him. Now he's annoyed that you didn't appreciate his "thoughtfulness".... He'll probably calm down once he's had a chance to let facts sink through his fuzzy head.

Plumm · 01/01/2010 11:58

That's a bit unfair of him, but if he was drinking until 4 he's probably got a raging hangover and is very tired.

Can you get your sel out of the house for a couple of hours fpr a bit of 'you' time? DH can watch films with the DDs and slowly get over the hangover.