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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with H this morning??

88 replies

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 10:54

I gave my husband a pass to meet his mate at the pub last night at 10.30pm. He said he wouldn't be out long but I wasn't too fussed as don't really control what he gets up to.

We've got 2 under 4 and I am 35 weeks pregnant so wasn't bothered about staying up so took myself off to bed at 11.30pm

DD2 woke me up at 12.30 and took ages to settle. I expected H home at about 1am. Heard him roll in at 2am with our neighbour and another bloke I'd never met before; they were really noisy and kept me awake until they all sodded off at 4am. Then H came to bed and snored for the next 3 hours until the kids woke up me up at 7am.

I got up and found they have drunk all the rest of the Sloe Gin I slaved over to make this year - we had half a bottle left after giving the rest as gifts.

He is still in bed and I refuse to wake him up as I'm not talking to him this morning. I feel as if he was really inconsiderate and selfish last night and I started 2010 in a foul mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have expected them to go to my neighbours house who has no kids and no 35 week pregnant wife in need of sleep.

Is is unreasonable of me to shout at him when he gets up or am I being a party pooper?? I'm just so tired.

OP posts:

Original poster

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 12:04

scottishmummy - rather harsh I think!! I'm probably the least princessy person I know!!! Having met my H at university and been together for 13 years I am well used to his drinking habits so fully know what he's like after a few drinks.

I'm not fuming at all about him going out. In fact I wanted him to enjoy New Year and not feel that he had to stay in as I wasn't up to going out.

I'm annoyed at having my already shit very pregnant sleep interrupted by drunk blokes. I don't want an apology for him going out - what a silly thing for you to say! I want an apology for bringing his mates home to our very tiny house and keeping his very lovely, very pregnant, usually very tolerant wife awake when he could have partied elsewhere!!

Runooutofdieas - you may be right - men's brains work in funny ways! Hopefully the lovingly made cup-of-tea will penetrate the fog!

OP posts:

ChloeHandbag · 01/01/2010 12:07

I think you have to learn to suck it up if its just the odd time. My dh does this sort of thing, but probably once or twice a year. I get all wound up, but over the years have learnt that it's pointless being cross with him about it. Is it really that unreasonable for him to have a lads night, he probably didn't intend to keep you awake, was pissed and a bit thoughtless.

Parenthood is hard and the odd night of letting your hair down is a good thing.

I laugh it off, but make sure he knows he was being a pain. That way I get credit for being understanding and more likely to get a lie in or whatever.

scottishmummy · 01/01/2010 12:08

a few drinks through nye is not unreasonable.some sloe gin and neighbour in the lounge isnt exactly ripping the arse out of it.nor is it a massive imposition.if he is overall reasonable guy,then occasionally a social drink is permissible by most standards

fair enough you are tired,but to that doesn't confine your dh to telly and slippers either

scottishmummy · 01/01/2010 12:09

your posts do read bitty lil princess foot stamping.banging on about apologies and all how very dare he

GeorginaWorsley · 01/01/2010 12:10

I would kick him out of bed and get in there myself.Stay there all day if you want.He can recover on the sofa whilst 'watching'the DCS

Original poster

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 12:13

He's usually quite reasonable - maybe that's why I'm annoyed. But he has done this before and he knows our house is too tiny for anyone to get sleep if there are a few rowdy blokes in our living room.

Think I'll just add up the brownie points and cash them in at a later date. When I want to go out for dinner with the girls after the baby is born or something!

OP posts:

Original poster

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 12:18

ooh yes - I'm a bitty little 5ft 9 ex rugby playing princess - that's me!!! Think we'll have to agree to disagree this morning!

He has now taken up position on the sofa and will probably stay there all day - at least that means I can go to bed in peace!

OP posts:

satc2bringiton · 01/01/2010 12:21

DoesntTheTurkeyDragOn · 01/01/2010 12:31

I'm with the YABU minority.

Why did you expect them to have the common sense to go elsewhere when they were pissed?
Why did you not go and ask them to keep the noise down instead of seething?
Sending your children up to jump on him is nasty and the obvious result is that he shouted at them when it was your fault. Don't make your children do your dirty work.

Make him "pay" later in the day by leaving him with the children whilst you do something for you, fat and waddly as you are

Original poster

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 12:36

Anyway - think he is feeling a little bit guitly. He is taking me and the kids to the pub for the New Years Day BBQ so that's good - at least it involves getting dressed and not wallowing on the sofa!

Any promise of food not cooked by me and I'm off! Bye!!

OP posts:

Divatheshopaholic · 01/01/2010 12:43

Yanbu, what a selfish man, 35weeks pregnant with 2kids under 4years.

Make him cook and pamper you today, instead.

scottishmummy · 01/01/2010 12:47

some of you need to get a sense of perspective. aguy has a bevvy at home- so what no biggie.

all this make him pay,what a git is so disproportionate and unreasonable.adults can have a social drink,gasp even if wife is pg. doesnt render him a reprobate.

GypsyMoth · 01/01/2010 12:49

yabu

you gave him a pass to go out?? he's a grown man i assume? a fellow adult?

poor man....and sending dc in to jump on him is downright nasty.

half a bottle of gin between 3? not exactly alot is it

could have been so much worse,as someone else said.

poinsettydawg · 01/01/2010 12:54

I understand both sides.

Is there something you would like to do at the weekend? If so, ask your husband if he could watch the kids while you do it.

It was new year and he celebrated so I would try not be stroppy with him. It's common enough.

MamaLazarou · 01/01/2010 12:57

YAB a bit U, sorry. You should have made it clear that you wanted him home by a certain time and that you didn't want him to bring mates back. He's not a mind-reader.

StayingSantasGirl · 01/01/2010 13:05

I don't think it takes a mind reader to work out that a very pregnant woman with small children might appreciate it if she wasn't disturbed by noisy, pissed blokes in the middle of the night.

The issue with the sloe gin is that galadriel made it herself, and was looking forward to having a glass when she's had the baby - I can understand why she'd be a bit miffed by this. On its own, it wouldn't be a huge issue, but on top of a very disturbed night for a very pregnant woman, I can understand why it is the final straw.

And stop harping on about the 'gave him a pass' bit - she's already said that that was their tongue-in-cheek family shorthand for the fact that he'd asked her if she minded him going out to the pub and leaving her home alone with the kids on New Years Eve - which she's said was considerate of him.

And galadriel doesn't expect her dh to confine himself to sofa and slippers because of her condition, but I see no reason why she can't expect a little thoughtfulness from him!!

scottishmummy · 01/01/2010 13:18

huffing and puffing about a social drink and purposefully getting dc to jump about to piss her dh off is churlish and petty

jibbering on about getting own back and wanting apologies,well smacks of wood,trees cant see.

she was inconvenienced,yes,by otherwise reportedly reasonable husband.so grow up and cut a bit of slack to a fellow adult

MissMarjoribanks · 01/01/2010 13:19

YANBU, particularly about the sloe gin. I would have been furious if my DH had drunk the bottle of Bombay Sapphire which has patiently been awaiting the end of my pregnancy; but we have a bottle of Gordon's for such eventualities as unexpected guests.

We also use the 'pass-out' phrase, for both of us. It's short hand for is there anything else planned for that particular evening you've not got round to telling me about yet and if not I'm going out.

MamaLazarou · 01/01/2010 14:02

He probably thought he was being considerate, though - by bringing his mates back rather than staying out later at someone else's.

To be fair, I would be pissed off about the gin thing, too. But it sounds like he is trying to make amends for it.

DuelingFanjo · 01/01/2010 14:11

I the OP has gone out to do something with her husband for the day.

cat64 · 01/01/2010 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DarrellRivers · 01/01/2010 15:09

YABU
If you do something, do it graciously

kittywise · 01/01/2010 15:54

Of course yanbu. I'm sure though that those who think you are are more than happy to be kept awake all night by their pissed OH's

Original poster

galadriel77 · 01/01/2010 17:57

Oooh - lots of lovely new posts for me to read.

Yes we did go to the pub for the NY BBQ. And H was so hungover that he couldn't even eat and he had to leave and come home to throw up!! Sympathy - me?? NO! But at least we left the house for a while.

I do feel bad sending the kids up but he was ignoring me and it's tough to ignore 2 small children - I can't believe there aren't others who have done the same at some time to wake up their other half!

So anyone who thinks that I am pissed off as my husband drank half a bottle of gin at home obviously haven't read the rest of the posts. Then issue is not having a bevvy at home. He was steaming drunk when he got home - which I was expecting - it being NYE.

The issue is not going out for a social drink, or drinking with his mates, or going out at all or any of the above, or even bringing home mates (if they had been quiet). I'm not petty!

The issue is coming home at 2am and keeping me awake for 2 hours by getting even more drunk and then keeping me awake some more with hideous snoring due to booze - which even a usual kick in the shins didn't solve! And as I've said earlier - I didn't feel as if I could go downstairs earlier and ask them to shut up as he had a guest I didn't even know and I wouldn't embarrass him like that.

I'm being pissed off as I don't think it is too much to ask to expect some sleep at 35 weeks pregnant when I am already looking after 2 young children and working part time self employed. And when that sleep is interrupted (in a major way) an apology would be appreciated.

I can understand why some people might think I am being unreasonable - I was still pretty fuming in my early posts - but maybe you guys aren't heavily pregnant and looking after 2 small children - sleep is a luxury that I will soon be without when little one arrives! I don't consider it an "inconvenience" to get 2 hours sleep in one night!

OP posts:

coldtits · 01/01/2010 18:02

I am totally with the OP. YANBU, your Dh was an inconsiderate pig last night. He shoudl have taken his pissed carcass elsewhere and left your gin alone.

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