Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to try to talk DH out of going away?

76 replies

KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:30

I think I'm a fairly reasonable wife normally. We have 3 young dcs and live abroad with DH's work.

Soon we're heading back home for a visit. We'll stay with my parents. I want to go for 2 weeks so the kids can get used to the time difference which takes a while. But DH says he only has enough annual leave for 1 week. The reason for that is he is taking a week's annual leave to go off to Iran with a friend not long after this trip.

I'm ok with him going away on his own for that (not too happy about choice of Iran, safety-wise, but that's another thread), he does it about once a year for a week or so. So if I go home for 2 weeks and he only comes for the second week that means me flying 8 hours with 3 children on my own one way. But I would do that so he can keep his holidays.

However now he is saying when he arrives at my parents' he wants to go away for 3 nights to see some friends he hasn't seen for ages, about a 3 hour drive away. Which would mean he only sees me, the dcs and my parents for about 3 days before we fly back. Apart from feeling that's quite rude to my mum and dad I also feel he's pushing my generosity too far.

He says he hardly gets to see old friends nowadays and my parents don't care about seeing him anyway, they just want to see me and the dcs.

AIBU to try to stop the trip?

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 30/12/2009 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:40

They are old friends from uni who he doesn't see much of anymore, partly because we live abroad. Sort of a reunion, I assume suggested by them when they heard he was coming over to visit. I don't mind that in theory but when he's already cutting his trip with us short it seems a bit much. But for some reason I would feel shitty for stopping him as it is true he doesn't get to do that kind of thing with friends.

OP posts:
DollyMessiter · 30/12/2009 17:43

I think he's being a bit unfair.
I'd suggest he insists that the uni friends visit the town where you'll be staying, so they can all go out for an evening.
I agree that it's a bit rude towards your parents for him to disappear for three days.

I assume you'll be taking an evening for yourself too, so YOU can catch up with old friends?

Nefertari · 30/12/2009 17:44

Iran? With all the crap going on there at the moment? Protesters have died and it could be so easy to get caught up in this kind of thing by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:46

I would make him choose one or the other, tbh

not both, that seems to be piss-taking to me

Seuss · 30/12/2009 17:47

I'd make him choose between the 3days or Iran, I wouldn't be happy about both.

thesecondcoming · 30/12/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:49

oh, and he sounds like a bit of a twit for wanting a jolly to Iran of all places

unless he is of Iranian descent, or has family there etc, it seems stupidly risk-taking for a family man with dc's

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 17:51

How much of a twat is he? I mean, really?

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 17:52

Nics xpost there. I did consider using "twit", but for a one off I felt this deserved "twat".

MumNWLondon · 30/12/2009 17:52

He does have a point about not wanting to hang around at your parents house... could you persuade him to cancel the Iran trip and instead have 2 weeks with your parents and say he can spend as much of that time with his friends as he wants.

To me that Iran trip seems much more unreasonable than the 3 nights away - because you'll be with your parents have them to help you... the Iran trips means you lose out on your 2nd week with them, and have to look after the kids by yourself.

I am not a fan of my DH hanging around at my parents house.... could you get him to move the Iran trip to tag it along to the UK trip so you get 2 weeks with your parents.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 30/12/2009 17:54

I think he is taking the piss a bit as you are not happy.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:55

Well, believe it or not, he says he wouldn't go there if he thought it was dangerous. He has always wanted to go there and now we are fairly close so he probably wouldn't get another chance. He has done lots of that kind of trip, really, he's not your beach-in-Spain type.

But good to know I'm not being horrible to be pissed off about the friends jolly.

OP posts:
WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:56

lol cat, my NY resolution is to be a bit less knee-jerk with my responses on MN, hence "twit" and not "twat"

although I do reserve the right to use "twat" if the OP comes back with more fuckwitted ideas put forward by her Dh

FiveSoloRings · 30/12/2009 17:57

Why does he go to Iran OP?

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:57

MumNWLondon it's possible to move the iran tip but he's going with another guy and they agreed on the date as it suited them both with both of their work commitments etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:59

He has always wanted to go there FiveSoloRings.

OP posts:
WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 17:59

ah, so Iran trip already sorted

hope you have him well-insured

now you just need to kybosh the friends trip, or insist that they come to see him rather than the other way round

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:02

I will suggest they come to him, but it's several people etc. They were meeting in the city so it would depend on finding suitable alternative as where my parents live is the arse end of nowhere.

OP posts:
WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 18:03

well really, KTN, that's kinda his problem ain't it ??

Rindercella · 30/12/2009 18:04

He needs to choose one or the other. Does he really want to use 10 days out of his 2 week vacation away from his children? What a selfish git.

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 18:08

I must say I usually keep my online language reasonably polite, Anyfucker, but this takes the .

"He has done lots of that kind of trip, really, he's not your beach-in-Spain type".

No, lots of us aren't, but this is just showing off isn't it? Then when it goes wrong he's going to be snivelling for a bail out.

OP, he's a little twerp.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:10

Yes his problem but if he can't/won't find an alternative meeting place then he might just stick to original plan. And basically I can't stop him. I can tell him I don't want him to go but in the end he will decide if he wants to listen to me.

Rindercella I feel the same way at times but actually I don't grudge him time away in theory. He works really hard and is often stressed at work, and he's great with the dcs. He would gladly look after them for me to go away. But you know how it is, mothers don't seem to do that so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:12

Catinthehat, I am a bit pissed off with him but don't think it's quite as shocking as you obviously do.

OP posts:
WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 18:14

KTN, I think you need to start doing just that

does he always get to call the shots in your relationship ?

do exactly as he pleases ?

is he going to Iran on a motorbike by any chance ?

with a bandana on his bonce ?

and a leather jacket ?

I am veering to the twat side of twit, tbh

Swipe left for the next trending thread