Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to try to talk DH out of going away?

76 replies

KTNoo · 30/12/2009 17:30

I think I'm a fairly reasonable wife normally. We have 3 young dcs and live abroad with DH's work.

Soon we're heading back home for a visit. We'll stay with my parents. I want to go for 2 weeks so the kids can get used to the time difference which takes a while. But DH says he only has enough annual leave for 1 week. The reason for that is he is taking a week's annual leave to go off to Iran with a friend not long after this trip.

I'm ok with him going away on his own for that (not too happy about choice of Iran, safety-wise, but that's another thread), he does it about once a year for a week or so. So if I go home for 2 weeks and he only comes for the second week that means me flying 8 hours with 3 children on my own one way. But I would do that so he can keep his holidays.

However now he is saying when he arrives at my parents' he wants to go away for 3 nights to see some friends he hasn't seen for ages, about a 3 hour drive away. Which would mean he only sees me, the dcs and my parents for about 3 days before we fly back. Apart from feeling that's quite rude to my mum and dad I also feel he's pushing my generosity too far.

He says he hardly gets to see old friends nowadays and my parents don't care about seeing him anyway, they just want to see me and the dcs.

AIBU to try to stop the trip?

OP posts:
FiveSoloRings · 30/12/2009 18:20

Pesonally, I think going off to Iran for a 'holiday' is irresponsible and selfish for many reasons. Are you sure he's not employed by MI5?

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:22

To answer you honestly, no, he doesn't always call the shots but yes, he has a very driven kind of personality and always strives to get what he wants. Which bizarrely has not been a big problem as he mainly wants career success combined with small adventures once a year, both of which has been (mostly) fine with me. But sometimes it pisses me off, as in now.

OP posts:
InMyLittleHead · 30/12/2009 18:24

Taking both trips is unreasonable of him. It would be better if he didn't go to Iran, considering the situation.

btw , love how the FCO websites says 'exercise good security practice'. What, like I learned from watching Spooks?

thesecondcoming · 30/12/2009 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:31

Just showed him the FCO page - he said he'd seen that, they are over-cautious, blah blah blah, but that he will check it again nearer the time.

I said it was a good thing he has insurance and he laughed. Ha bloody ha.

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 18:32

Interesting (bad) stuff about Iranian dual nationals not on FCO website if relevant..

Well, as someone else wondered, would be interesting to know why he's doing it. Do you really know? Do you know much about the country or why it is in the news at the moment?

Rindercella · 30/12/2009 18:33

Is he British KT? I guess that'd make a big difference to the risks involved in going to Iran. What I mean is, British/American = he's out of his mind; if he's Middle Eastern (for example) = risky, but not as bad.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:36

Yes, British.

OP posts:
InMyLittleHead · 30/12/2009 18:37

Is he having a midlife crisis?

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:37

Like I said, he's always wanted to go. He reads loads of history books etc. And we live nearby now. So probably wouldn't get the chance once we leave this job.

OP posts:
WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 18:38

ktn, sorry your dh is taking a bit of a bashing here

you didn't post asking is my dh a twat/not a twat?, did you

but he is BU

and a < whispers > nob

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:39

Ha ha, def not midlife crisis!! LOL

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 18:39

KT, I seriously do find this shocking. He is ill informed to say the least.

Can I suggest you start informing yourself and get in some way aware of the current situation and insist that you and 3 DC are the priority?

A "little adventure"? Has he looked at travel advisories for any other European country? What about the US ? Canada ? Are they all mistaken as well? Exactly how arrogant is he?

dittany · 30/12/2009 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecorHate · 30/12/2009 18:40

I would let him do both tbh. Sounds like the Iean trip is already planned and if your parents live in the middle if nowhere, I can see why a few days there would be enough (unless he is particularly close to them and likes hanging out at their house). Would it be feasible for you to leave the dcs with your parents and join him and his friends for a night or two?

notyummy · 30/12/2009 18:40

He is way out of line.

And just a loon tbh. There are plenty of 'edgy' tourist destinations that dont have such a high probability of death/injury/arrest/trial. Libya instead perhaps?

Why don't friends come and see him? Why don't you leave the kids with GPS for one night and do an overnight somewhere to have a bit of a party with them and return to your folks?

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 18:41

So he's young and ill informed. KT I'm so not having a go at you, I am just shocked thaht a British national would go there at this time. How naive.

Rindercella · 30/12/2009 18:41

Ah, ok. Brit going to Iran is not such a great idea at the moment.

I think he's also missing the point about your parents not being that bothered about seeing him. To a point, he's probably right...BUT that week (and it will only be a week given that he's off on his jolly to Iran anyway) should be about spending time with his family - you and his three children.

And I absolutely get what you meant earlier about mothers not being quite so ready to take the time away from family.

Lastly, reading the twit/twat comments I am minded to (mis)quote David Cameron (not something I do lightly you understand )...too many twits make a twat.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:41

Americans can't even get visas but Brits still can.

He plans to see the ancient cities etc.

He still maintains he won't go if he thinks it's too dangerous.

OP posts:
InMyLittleHead · 30/12/2009 18:42

Is he Lucas from Spooks?

LetThereBeRock · 30/12/2009 18:43

Does he need to see a death warrant with his name on it before he considers it too dangerous to go?

It's completely insane to go there, to go there at all imho but even more so at present. Insane, arrogant and selfish of him.

Original poster
KTNoo · 30/12/2009 18:44

GPs won't take kids. I know they won't.

Whoever said Libya - funny as we lived there for 2 years.

OP posts:
FiveSoloRings · 30/12/2009 18:44

But why would any sane man/husband/father/CIVILIAN go to a war torn holiday destination?!

Oh and are you sure that any insurance would actually pay out if the worst happened? you might find it null and void due to intentionally putting himself at risk.

catinthehat2 · 30/12/2009 18:45

I can understand that, but now is not the time, it really isn't. The cities will still be there, he will still want to go when the time is right.

dittany · 30/12/2009 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.