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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only want to spend a maximum of 2 days with my partner's parents?

49 replies

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 15:17

Dear All. My partner's parents arrived at lunch time Christmas Eve. They didn't leave until lunchtime on the 27th. I spent 3 days as a permanent waitress, laying the table every day for breakfast lunch and dinner and getting drinks. The dishwasher didn't stp and neither did I. My partner also rushed around after them too.I think they may have offered to help more if we had a bigger kitchen - it's a squeeze to get in and out- but I still think they could have helped out more....helped themselves to breakfast etc. To make things worse, they are both extremely dull...very sweet...but dull. His father sits with his nose in a book and barely speaks. His mother is just very "westcountry" and doesn't really have much to talk about because she lives in a rural hamlet. Is it unreasonable to say to my partner I really can't stand to spend too much time in their company either at their house or our flat?

OP posts:

diddl · 29/12/2009 15:53

Sounds like my ILs.
Difficult to get them to say anything about anything.

We both find them very hard work.

YANU to want to spend as little time as possible with them.

But perhaps better than arguments & criticism?

mvemjsunp · 29/12/2009 15:57

Why didn't you ask for help?

merrycompo · 29/12/2009 16:04

'His mother is just very "westcountry" and doesn't really have much to talk about because she lives in a rural hamlet.'

don't they have newspapers there? or the news? did you initiateconversation?

mummalish · 29/12/2009 16:05

YANBU. It is hard spending time with people who are hard work, it makes your home feel like a hotel and you are on permanent duty, it is exhausting.

Do you have children, were they playing with them/ interacting with them etc?

How often do you see them? I have the same problem with my in-laws, besides them being dull, they are not very nice either, and I can't bear to spend more time with them than I have to. It would be interesting to know how much time people spend with their in-laws per year.

But never mind, they are gone now, so you can relax

thisisyesterday · 29/12/2009 16:05

am slightly shocked that because someone is "very "westcountry" they are dull and have nothing to talk aboiut! what a stereotype!!!!!

did you try and talk to them? did you initiate conversation? did you tell them to just help themselves or did yoiu just get on and do it?

thisisyesterday · 29/12/2009 16:06

my MIL also lives in a teeny tiny west country hamlet, btw, and we talk about plenty of stuff.

duchesse · 29/12/2009 16:12

I live in a tiny west country hamlet and have plenty to say about many things.

It's just families and Christmas. It'll pass. And they are your in laws so of course your paths will have to cross, especially as they do not sound toxic. They probably did not want to seem to be taking over in your house. Give them jobs to do and they will doubtless be happy to help next time.

diddl · 29/12/2009 16:14

My ILs also wouldn´t do anything unless asked.

Not due to laziness, but just feeling uncomfortable out of their own home.

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:15

Didn't mean to offend with the "westcountry" bit. I'm Westcountry myself and live in Somerset. What I should have said is that his mother is from a farming family and likes talking about rural issues - but that includes supporting hunting (tricky one there) and traditional cooking and gossiping about her neighbours. She doesn't read newspapers (except the North Devon Journal...but even then she only comments on peole she knows) and doesn't watch the news. She likes strictly come dancing but that's about it. Can I say, without wanting to offend, that she is not very bright at all, although she is very sweet. That's why its hard work.

OP posts:

PfftTheMagicDragon · 29/12/2009 16:17

I dunno diddl- FIL is like this- says that when he is elsewhere he shouldn't have to help as he is a guest and should be treated as such. Then when we are at his house, he shouldn't have to help as it is his house and he will do as he chooses-people in his house should help as they are guests

it's a riot

Earthstar · 29/12/2009 16:18

Do you think they enjoyed it, or would they also have preferred a shorter visit?

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:20

Oh, I did try to initiate conversation, but sometimes his father didn't even hear me (nose in book) and his mother didn't have much to say. I will learn from this and give them jobs to do in future, or find board games to play. I just think they enjoted being waited on for a few days because they used to do all the running around for my partner and his brother in the past. Perhaps I need to change my attitude...but then again, shouldn't people make an effort to engage in conversation even if they are the quiet type? Especially if you're staying for 3 days?

OP posts:

GracieW · 29/12/2009 16:22

Was going to say YANBU but then I saw your comment about being "westcountry".

YABU.

traceybath · 29/12/2009 16:22

Well it is quite a long time - but seriously i live in the 'west country' in a 'rural hamlet' and I'm not dull or simple

epithet · 29/12/2009 16:24

Another west country person saying YAB gert U.

goes back to fascinating conversation with erudite villagers about world culture

As you were.

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:25

Earthstar, I think they did enjoy it...we hinted that they might like to leave on Boxing day but they said they "hadn't planned on going back till the day after". I don't think they go out very much and therefore like to get away for a few days. I don't, however, want Christmas to be like this every year. We're trying to conceive at the moment (early miscarriage in November) so I think I'm a tad down in the dumps over that too.

OP posts:

forehead · 29/12/2009 16:27

They've gone now, so don't worry about it.

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:27

What are the acronyms YABU and YANBU? New to all this.

OP posts:

diddl · 29/12/2009 16:28

My ILs are just uncomfortable when away from their own home.
They rarely say anything about anything in case they say something "wrong".
They just don´t really have any social skills tbh.

ProfYaffle · 29/12/2009 16:28

Have you tried plying them with alcohol? Maybe throw a wii into the mix?

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:29

Ah You are being unreasonable and not being unreasonable. Just clicked.

OP posts:

ChilloHippi · 29/12/2009 16:34

YANBU.

hormonalmum · 29/12/2009 16:34

Perhaps a pre-planned outing or 2 for their next visit may help?

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:35

Yep alcohol is a good idea. Sorry to those offended by the westcountry comment.....it was a clumsy way of trying to quickly describe what can be, for some, a very narrow life experience and outlook. Not saying that's a bad thing......I love the westcountry and grew up here....but it does make conversation over an extended period tough when that's the only life you know. Am I just digging a bigger hole!!??

OP posts:

Original poster

AnnieDelores · 29/12/2009 16:37

I think you're right diddl. Social skills are aquired, not a given.

OP posts:

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