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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dd1 go in a smokers car

103 replies

happilyeverafter · 28/12/2009 15:38

FIL annual party and he's offered to collect us (under ten mins driving) I've said I will drive and they not happy I won't accept lift

FIL heavy smoker and car permanently reeks. He has hoovered it out but he has done this before and it didn't wipe out smell and carseat smelt afterwards (he didn't smoke when she was in)

I don't mind driving but DH hinted he think I am being mean not letting her go in their car.

OP posts:
StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 29/12/2009 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsDoctor · 29/12/2009 12:24

OF course YANBU. Perhaps there's no health risk but if my dcs getting a lift with someone meant their carseat would smell of cigarettes or any other offensive smell I would say no.

seeker · 29/12/2009 12:30

the smell of smoke is completely disgusting. I loathe smoking with a passion. But the fil in this story is trying to do a nice thing - it seems mean to throw it back in his face. Relationships in extended families need to be nurtured - it takes very little to damage them.

LadyBiscuit · 29/12/2009 12:30

No, that isn't why the government changed their advice curiosity. They changed it because they decided that some women were unable to interpret 1-2 units a week correctly.

From that article nappyaddict posted:
A large study examined 400,000 women in the U.S., all of whom had consumed alcohol during pregnancy. Not a single case of fetal alcohol syndrome occurred and no adverse effects on children were found when consumption was under 8.5 drinks per week.

A review of research studies found that fetal alcohol syndrome only occurs among alcoholics. The evidence is clear that there is no apparent risk to a child when the pregnant woman consumes no more than one drink per day.

I just get fed up with all this hysteria. Why aren't you all jumping up and down about the dangers of living in cities? Or using cars at all? Because it's inconvenient as far as I can see.

MN has such a poor understanding of relative risks it really gets on my tits (although I'm sure that's fairly apparent )

LouLouH · 29/12/2009 12:31

YANBU i would be exactly the same. I quite smoking back in June and the smell makes my stomach turn.

What is the point in getting ready and smelling nice and fresh to then be submitted to your clothes etc picking up the stale smell of old fags?! Not to mention what other people at the party will think if they smell cigarettes on your child!

curiositykilledhaskittens · 29/12/2009 12:47

ladybiscuit - it's not at all because women couldn't interpret advice correctly! It's because any alcohol consumption could cause problems (operative word being could) as there is no safe limit or safe time for alcohol consumption. Making it impossible for the Government to assert that there was a safe limit! FWIW I do jump up and down about cities and cars but not on this thread because it was about smoking

curiositykilledhaskittens · 29/12/2009 12:48

sorry seeker - thought it was aimed at me.

MadameCastafiore · 29/12/2009 12:52

Get some febreeze love!

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 29/12/2009 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 29/12/2009 13:48

And it's not a random smoker's car, it's her grandfather!

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 29/12/2009 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
happilyeverafter · 29/12/2009 14:04

We went to party, I drove as planned, it was a one way offer of a lift so we would have needed to cab it back anyway.

In end I asked DH for his honest view and he didn't want to go in FIL car either and was happy with me driving. FIL didn't know it was down to smoke but while we have an alternative I'd rather avoid us all stinking.

Fun was had by all, am thinking the DIL comments from hell slightly ott though..

OP posts:
bloss · 29/12/2009 14:05

Message withdrawn

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 29/12/2009 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christmaseve · 29/12/2009 14:10

If I was you I wouldn't go to the party. You might ruin everybody's fun. Or just drive and leave early.

Seriously, I'm sure if your FIL has hoovered and opens the windows for a while before you get in the car you won't smell afterwards.

christmaseve · 29/12/2009 14:12

Ooops should have read further down. Glad you had a good time and kept the peace.

Original poster
happilyeverafter · 29/12/2009 14:12

Bloss, where does the lifetime relationship between dd and fil come into it?

Am a little dumbfounded at that statement

OP posts:
Booyule · 29/12/2009 14:14

yes it was 10 minutes this time. if they had agreed to that then more offers would have been made. perhaps for longer trips, perhaps for wekly outings. then all of a sudden dd is coming home every week stinking of cigarette smoke and mum having to wash clothes/ carseat and dd as soon as she comes in.

it will do no lasting damage to grandad's relationship with dd if he is really keen on maintaining it.

Paolosgirl · 29/12/2009 14:42

Glad it all worked out, Happily. Ignore the DIL from hell comment - it was one of those copy and paste ones that always crops up on the AIBU, and I'm sure that your FIL will not turn his back on you or your DD (histrionics, histrionics) because you turned down a lift!

bloss · 29/12/2009 15:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
happilyeverafter · 29/12/2009 16:39

Your assumption is very wrong Bloss, but I find your speculation hilarious. Cheers for the laughs

OP posts:
bloss · 29/12/2009 18:12

Message withdrawn

NancyDrewRocks · 29/12/2009 19:05

bloss what a lovely tolerant post .

Although I am mostly an up-tight-knickers-in-a-twist-stressy-type of person (who hates smokers - despite being an ex...) for some reason your post touched me.

Might be the bottle of wine I have consumed but seriously if people just gave a little this world really would be a nicer place.

madamearcati · 29/12/2009 19:18

yanbu not for health reasons but because she will reek of smoke.I don't know how you would get out of it without being rude though

bloss · 29/12/2009 19:55

Message withdrawn