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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dd1 go in a smokers car

103 replies

happilyeverafter · 28/12/2009 15:38

FIL annual party and he's offered to collect us (under ten mins driving) I've said I will drive and they not happy I won't accept lift

FIL heavy smoker and car permanently reeks. He has hoovered it out but he has done this before and it didn't wipe out smell and carseat smelt afterwards (he didn't smoke when she was in)

I don't mind driving but DH hinted he think I am being mean not letting her go in their car.

OP posts:
tackyChristmastreedelivery · 28/12/2009 17:52

this advises that babies do not co sleep with anyone who smokes [assume tabbaco]. I haven't a pubmed subscription to view if this recomendation stems from the risk of substances from the person breathing, or from harmfull substances clining to their clothes and hair, or what. There are lots of really interesting papers on bed sharing and smoking - but that is slightly off topic. However, I think the research into SIDS and smoking can help inform us of the effects cigarette smoke can have.

All of which is completely dull unless you are mega into this stuff - apologies!

MUTTletoe · 28/12/2009 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowinthesky · 28/12/2009 17:57

Yabu and silly however I would feel exactly the same and drive her myself.

BetsyBoop · 28/12/2009 17:59

I'm as ardent anti-smoking as they came & even I think YABalittlebitU

here's the nearest advice to the situation from FSID

How long after I?ve smoked should I stay away from my baby? I?ve heard smoke particles can stick to my clothes.
We don?t yet know if there is a danger from smoke particles on clothes. Babies, however, should never be left alone. If you need to smoke and you are looking after your child alone, you should take your child outside in a pram or pushchair and stand a few steps away from your child while you smoke. Otherwise, leave your child inside the house with a trusted relative or child-minder while you go outside to smoke.

No one in my home smokes, and we rarely go anywhere smoky but I still worry if my child ever goes into a smoky environment. Can this increase the risk of cot death?
The risk of cot death from occasional, sporadic exposure to a smoky environment is likely to be very low, but there isn?t enough scientific evidence for us to know the precise risk.

We don?t smoke but we have a relative/friend who babysits regularly and her clothes always smell of smoke. She doesn?t smoke when she?s visiting us, but I?m worried my child is breathing in the stale smoke on her clothes. What should I do?
We don?t yet know if there is a danger from smoke particles on clothes. You should realise, however, that a smoker will find it difficult not to smoke, and you need to be open with them and discuss what they are going to do if they need to smoke. We suggest that they take your child outside in a pram or pushchair and stand a few steps away from your child while they smoke, but they must keep an eye on your child at all times.

mumof2point5 · 28/12/2009 18:03

see a link???

is the smell not enough?

Laquitar · 28/12/2009 18:11

But are you also going to ban hugs and kisses too? Because if he is heavy smoker his clothes will probably smell anyway.

Meglet · 28/12/2009 18:13

Yanbu. I know I'm mad but I would freak if either of my dc's smelt of smoke.

A 10 min ride won't do her any harm, but its not nice smelling of it.

Paolosgirl · 28/12/2009 18:36

If you are happy to drive, why is he unhappy? What's the problem on his part?

I can't stand the smell of cigarettes, and wouldn't want my children to stink of old fags. If that makes me precious, then precious I am

AdelaideJo · 28/12/2009 19:55

I got into my in-laws car for the first time when preggars 2 years ago, and nearly barfed all over my lap from the stink of cigarettes, it is vile when heavy smokers chuff through fag after fag in a little car with all windows closed and then non smokers have to sit in it.

That said, I'd have a VERY hard time "casually stopping" my DS from travelling in their car; I think DP would be really dissapointed (and embarrassed of me) if put the proverbial foot down.

onagar · 28/12/2009 20:20

Since the link makes it clear it's not a health issue then it's about your personal preference and about politeness.

Some people eat a lot of curry and their home is full of the smell. Imagine yourself saying out loud to them "I'm not letting my kids in your house because it smells"

You just wouldn't would you. That would be incredibly rude

fanjolina · 28/12/2009 20:49

YABU

Jux · 28/12/2009 20:57

Tolerance, dear, tolerance

totalmadness · 28/12/2009 20:59

yanbu your children, your rules. I wouldn't want to accept the lift either!

BlueBumedFly · 28/12/2009 21:01

YABU - 10 mins???

We are with MIL for 2 days, lost dear FIL in June and MIL smokes. When we are here she smokes in the garden but of course everything smells when we leave including he DDs. So, i wash everything. Tollerance for 2 days far outweighs the pleasure it gives MIL to see them, especially now she is alone.

Washing powder is a cheap option I can tell you.

curiositykilledhaskittens · 28/12/2009 21:07

I think YANBU if he smokes very heavily the car will almost certainly be full of carbon monoxide, unless he airs it well which he could do when he hoovers. It is not equivalent to smoke being on clothes it is equivalent to being in a room where people are not currently smoking but regularly do. 10 mins certainly will not harm if she is not asthmatic or very young e.t.c. but I wouldn't choose to expose my children to even 10 mins just to placate the in laws when I could drive myself. I would let the kids go if he hoovered, aired and used bicarb followed by pot pourri on the fabrics to get rid of the smell. Kids smelling of smoke is awful, I hate it quite apart from the carbon monoxide thing.

ImSoNotTelling · 28/12/2009 21:08

YABU.

victoriascrumptious · 28/12/2009 21:39

YABU and a bit nuts

tots2ten · 28/12/2009 21:53

YANBU

Mshalfcut · 28/12/2009 21:54

YABU

jaquelinehydeThePresents · 28/12/2009 22:10

Jesus, I don't drive and I hate the smell of exhaust fumes.

The smell clings to the clothes, hair, etc, etc just like the smoke smell does.

Should I stop my DC's from ever going out in public because you selfish lot insist on making us all stink.

YABVU, now stop being so fucking petty and accept the lift.

jasper · 28/12/2009 22:18

YABVU

Paolosgirl · 28/12/2009 22:18

Exhaust fumes cling to your clothes? Unless you stand right behind an exhause pipe for hours on end, that's crap.

Why should she accept the lift? She's said she's happy to drive, he's insisting that she can't do that, and insisting that they all go in his manky, stinking car because he wants her to drink, and it's beyond his understanding how anyone could possibly have a good time at a party without alcohol

I know who's being "fucking petty" and it isn't the OP

jaquelinehydeThePresents · 28/12/2009 22:32

Paolo have you ever smelt your clothes the day after a trip to London? Blown your nose and seen black snot instead of green? Fumes, my dear fumes.

mrsruffallo · 28/12/2009 22:39

OP, YABU and petty.
It's a very short drive and he doesn't smoke in front of her

Paolosgirl · 28/12/2009 22:41

Ahh, the London life. No thanks!