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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL feeding my 17mth champagne truffles

135 replies

thisweathersajoke · 26/12/2009 22:24

I was incensed yesterday after my MIL was slyly feeding my 17mth son these chocolates (he NEVER is given chocolate by us) - but was finally calmed down by my DH.

But the result of her doing that today has been him doing 8 rancid poos throughout the day instead of his usual 2-3, including a pile over the living room carpet after removing his nappy because of his RED RAW bottom - surely caiused by these crappy chocolates and the other rubbish she passed to him.

Maybe overreacting, but am sure that she did it just to annoy me, as she knows that i am a bit of a nazi about his food. After having 4 kids herself she should know better.

More worryingly, she will be having DS while I am in hospital giving birth in approx 3 weeks.

OP posts:
kslatts · 27/12/2009 10:30

LOL at seeker.

I think YABU.

juuule · 27/12/2009 10:31

Just looked it up. Presumably no choc before 12m due to possible risk of allergy.

June2009 · 27/12/2009 10:39

I understand, mil and sil fed dd (6 months) some gravy and sausage-stuffing on xmas day and I was and really hacked off when I found out.
I had said in the conversation that it was not time for food yet. She'd only ever had vegetable or fruit puree until then. DD has not stopped farting since and Dh and I are equally mildly annoyed at them! (Mil redeemed herself by doing all the washing up ;).

But what can you do? (btw to other posters if this happened on xmas day it's not like op asked them to babysit. My sil/sil just took the liberty of feeding the baby when I was not looking probably because they think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it).
Relatives/childminders will do certain things different to you and completely ignore your guidelines (probably without telling you). They also tend to think they know better. You just have to live with it I think. Do you really want a stranger looking after your children over a relative who already loves them.
(in my case, there is no way I would let mil look after dd, for various reasons other than what she would feed her.)

DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 10:42

This isn't really about whether a small bit of chocolate is bad for children that young - is it?

It's about the fact that the OP doesn't want her child to have chocolate and someone who knows that gave some to him anyway.

Which is rude. I would be pissed off too.

seeker · 27/12/2009 10:54

She is his grandmother. She is important in his life. She loves him. She may not parent exactly the way you do, but be thankful he has loving people around him forming relationships with him. PLEASE don't risk spoiling this for anything that isn't actually dangerous.

pigletmania · 27/12/2009 11:08

Gosh its Christmas chill! If it is only chocolate its not going to do any harm, cant toddlers have treats too, they see adults stuffing their faces with nice things at Christmas or special occasions, but no have to be limited to the organic rice crakers and raisins [

pigletmania · 27/12/2009 11:19

Good on your ds fruitbatlings thats the way to go, a little choc/treats in moderation imo is ok, it can go the other way as seeker highlighted by frogetyfrog

ssd · 27/12/2009 11:24

good post seeker

MadameOvary · 27/12/2009 11:33

YANBU to be annoyed if she knows you dont like it, that IS rude.
Im a bit precious with DD's diet too. She is 20 months and I made my own chocolate rather than give her shop bought stuff
I'd be esp pissed off with the nappy rash and multiple rancid poos as well.
FWIW I am starting to relax a bit now, gave her Xmas cake yesterday - she just picked it apart and ate the raisins!

juuule · 27/12/2009 11:54

Very good post, Seeker.

thesecondcoming · 27/12/2009 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 13:18

I had to give myself a rule that my tolerance as in proportion to how often they saw them. So, if it was someone who saw DS once a week or so then I would make my views known, but once every couple of months, then let it go. It's not the end of the world and chocolate is unlikely to have that effect on her digestion. I gave DS1 some proper adult style chocolate cake once and he couldn't fall asleep til midnight on the other hand!

Also, without wishing to be patronising, you might find that everything lowers a little when you have your second child. I was as strict as you with DS1 but when, at 8 months, DS1 was feeding DS2 chocolate rice krispie cake mix off a wooden spoon, there was little I could do, or when DS1 shares his hula hoops etc.

Good luck with the baby and try to relax over the next few weeks

Morloth · 27/12/2009 13:27

Thank goodness we skipped straight to "Third Child Syndrome" with DS, poor little PFBs they miss out on so much.

I can't be the only mother who drops her kid off with grandparents and is happy as long as he is alive and well when I get back?

picc · 27/12/2009 13:47

...then I really admire you, Morloth, and am really envious :-)

I admit to suffering from pfb syndrome, and I'd go further and say I suffer from "terrified, inexperienced, clueless first-time mum" syndrome too!

I had no younger relatives around when I was growing up, and really had no experience of looking after younger children or babies until I had a baby myself. I'd love to be as relaxed as you and the others that have commented and I do reeeeally try to be.

For the same reasons as someone else said.

We were allowed sweets once per week and crisps once a week, too. So, yes, parties were heaven for me when I was little. And I waas probably the greedy kid!

Am trying not to be like that (hence saying I took a deep breath in post before and didn't say anything when MIL gave DS chocolate). MIL has 3 kids and is much more experienced than me!

But the chocolate thing... I guess I was trying to stave off sugar rushes as long as possible. And the gravy thing (sorry. It's eons ago now... and this post isn't even about me. It's just someone commented on it). I understood that you're supposed to meake sure babies don't have too much salt? (DS is only 10 months old)

DH has kidney probs (well... more than probs! kidney disease) and I have high BP, so I guess I am sensitive about salt?

erm... and now I'm probably being over-sensitive as well as pfb!!

Shall try and relax a little

Morloth · 27/12/2009 13:50

Lower your standards picc life becomes a lot easier.

I am one of 6 children, I have 9 neices and 2 nephews and a couple of great nephews who are older than DS. It is easy to be chilled about kids when you have seen some of the crazy shit they can get up to (and eat) and still be just fine.

Low standards are the key to a happy life!

picc · 27/12/2009 13:51

will try
am getting there slowly.....

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2009 13:54

you can't win, depending on who you ask you'll get told to limit his salt and sugar intake, but as soon as you try to do just that you get accused of PFB-ness

Mishy1234 · 27/12/2009 14:12

I understand your irritation, especially since you've been so careful not to give your DS chocolate at all.

However, as people have already said, this is just what happens at Christmas, but it should be within reason and your MIL should be looking to you first for guidance.

My DS has never had anything to drink apart from water and milk, but my MIL asked if he could have some fizzy water with a bit of fresh orange in it as we were all having bucks fizz. I said it was OK as a one off, but that we don't and won't be giving it to him at any other time. This was agreed and understood and I'm confident she will stick to it.

So, YANBU and in my opinion your MIL should have asked you first.

MrsRigby · 27/12/2009 14:17

YANBU

I have the same problem with my mother and father-in-law.

DS is 1 year and 1 month and one of the things they gave him for Christmas was a sugary lolly pop made with geletin (we're vegetarians).

On another occasion, she tried to give DS a chocolate biscuit.

And when he was only 3 months old she was outraged that I was still only breastfeeding and not giving him any food.

This is why I've never been out since he was born, because I can't trust them to look after him.

Grandparents are well known for this behaviour.

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:22

"On another occasion, she tried to give DS a chocolate biscuit."

Good grief, I'm surprised you didn't get a restraining order.

Mrs Rigby, obviously you must parent as you wish and should have final say over what your child eats but, really, a chocolate biscuit is a small price to pay for a night out.

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:24

Yes you should limit their salt and sugar intake but that does not mean that they will suffer long term damage if someone gives them a hobnob. It just means that, as their parent, you should not be adding salt to their food or giving them sugary snacks as part of their daily diet.

But on Christmas Day, I think all bets are off.

pithyslicker · 27/12/2009 14:31

"Grandparents are well known for this behaviour"

It's amazing how they managed to bring up their own kids.

MrsRigby · 27/12/2009 14:33

pithyslicker that's exactely the thing they say to justify giving him anything they want.

Fibilou · 27/12/2009 14:41

OP, can I ask what you intend to do with your child's diet when they are old enough to go to school/parties etc ? You can't control everything they eat every second of the day and imo it is far healthier that they eat a bit of everything rather than not being able to eat anything remotely enjoyable and going crazy when your back is turned.

And what's with the "bland diet" ? He's 17 months old ffs, children should be exploring food at that age, not taught that it's all dangerous

Morloth · 27/12/2009 14:42

Well it kind of does doesn't it?

My DH and SIL are pretty excellent IMO, both successful and happy and well balanced and healthy, so what my MIL thinks is a good idea for kids does carry quite a bit of weight IMO.

Same for Mum, we are all pretty happy and balanced with no real issues, so clearly she knows what she is doing and can be trusted with DS.

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