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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL feeding my 17mth champagne truffles

135 replies

thisweathersajoke · 26/12/2009 22:24

I was incensed yesterday after my MIL was slyly feeding my 17mth son these chocolates (he NEVER is given chocolate by us) - but was finally calmed down by my DH.

But the result of her doing that today has been him doing 8 rancid poos throughout the day instead of his usual 2-3, including a pile over the living room carpet after removing his nappy because of his RED RAW bottom - surely caiused by these crappy chocolates and the other rubbish she passed to him.

Maybe overreacting, but am sure that she did it just to annoy me, as she knows that i am a bit of a nazi about his food. After having 4 kids herself she should know better.

More worryingly, she will be having DS while I am in hospital giving birth in approx 3 weeks.

OP posts:

lilymolly · 27/12/2009 08:02

ds 9 months btw

l39 · 27/12/2009 08:03

No one should give a small child food without the parent's permission.

However - you NEVER give him chocolate? Isn't chocolate one of life's purest pleasures, along with sleeping, bathing and dancing?

Fruitbatlings · 27/12/2009 08:04

did you mean magic mushrooms?

ssd · 27/12/2009 08:08

jesus, I'm dreading being a MIL, some of you are right nutters

Fruitbatlings · 27/12/2009 08:08

lilymolly - haha, yes, DS2 (9 months) was eating eggs benedict for xmas brekkie (with smoked salmon), chocolate buttons and was gnawing away at a chunk of lamb. Plus he adored the lump of homemade fudge my MIL gave him - she was being unreasonable as she gave him the last one

ssd · 27/12/2009 08:09

fruit, I bet he's a happy little thing!

lilymolly · 27/12/2009 08:12

@ fruitbat

we obv are very cruel mums!!

Disclaimer......I am not sure dd (PFB) would have been given chocolate coins at 9 months old!!

agree that being a MIL doe sound like a horrendously hard job. Thats why I always treat mine with total respect and always buy nice birthday and xmas pressies

seeker · 27/12/2009 08:14

"Hold the Front Page! Toddler's grandma gave him some chocolate"

In a deliberate act of passive aggression on Christmas Day, a woman gave her toddler grandchild half a chocolate without the express permission of the child's mother, a shocked court heard today.

Sentencing, the Judge told the defendant "You are a disgrace. Your act was deliberately intended to cause maximum upset and was targetted directly at the mother of your grandchild. I have no hesitation in sentencing you to receiving 15 years cold shoulder and huffing, and for all your actions to be misinterpreted and deconstructed on internet forums from this day forth. Leave my court a marked woman and hang your head in shame"

ssd · 27/12/2009 08:16

seeker

Fruitbatlings · 27/12/2009 08:22

haha, gin] Seeker

Yes, people often say he's a contented little baby. I usually am too when shovelled chocolate Actually, yes, you're right lilymolly, I'm not sure I gave DS1 (pbf) chocolate at 9 months, can't remember now

I find with BLW, I'm far more likely to give almost anything. Including peanut butter on toast (which always goes down well) He even had a piece of Baklava (soaked in honey) a couple of weeks ago, that went down amazingly well
Lock me up and throw way the key!

lilymolly · 27/12/2009 08:28

Oh yes forgot about the parsnip coated with honey

CantSleepWontSleep · 27/12/2009 08:30

starlight - it's not illegal to give under 5's chocolate, but it is illegal to give them alcohol. It's not advice, it's the law. 'Knowing' you a little, I'm a bit surprised that you didn't know that actually.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/12/2009 08:35

I haven't read the whole lot but a bit of chocolate at xmas is not going to kill him. I used to be like you- I would happily have scalped anyone who gave DS chocolate but it's just not that big an issue in the greater scheme.

If you're having a baby in 3 weeks, you'll be stressed anyway. Just try to let it go over your head and be as chilled out as possible- you can get back to normal after xmas and after the arrival of your new baby.

It is silly that she's purposely winding you up when you're 9 months pregnant and I think that's the real issue here. But it's xmas so let it go, and if she thinks she's not getting to you, she'll stop it.

Also, let DH clean the poo up- you're ready to drop.

vulpes · 27/12/2009 08:41

sheesh. you all so lucky, i cant get DD to eat hardly bloody anything, including sweets and chocolates.

got her advent calendar and ended up having to eat the chocs myself.

maybe whats missing is a MIL handing her the chocolate and me being all cats bum about it. maybe she needs a frisson of the forbidden to entice her..........(wonders off to try convince nanny to pretend chocs are bad)

ssd · 27/12/2009 08:44

I don't think she is purposely winding the op up, I think the MIL just didn't think and committed the crime of the century without meaning to

I think the real issue is is that the op had to realise if she has no one else apart from the MIL to help when she is birthing (whatever that means) then she has to do 2 things, first have a chat with MIL about how seriously she takes what her toddler eats and second realise that not everyone will care for her toddler exactly how she does, and a little bit of choccy(hopefully with no alcohol in it next time) won't do her ds any harm, as long as MIL cuddles and cares for her ds whilst she is in the hospital he will be fine.

fortyplus · 27/12/2009 08:45

Time for obsessive parent to lighten up a little. YABU.

My dad always used to say... 'The reason that grandchildren and grandparents get on so well is that they have a common enemy'

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2009 08:48

While DS stuffed himself with chocolate on christmas day I'm not surprised the OP is upset after he got an upset stomach from it!
Also, I asked mum & dad not to give DS any chocolate yesterday as he had completely refused to eat any dinner, and that was what we had told him would happen. I would have been furious if they had ignored that - does that make me overly PFB??
Also to magic star at 3m
On MN there seems to be a bit of competitive laid-backness

Fruitbatlings · 27/12/2009 08:54

at "Competitive laid-backness"

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 27/12/2009 09:02

I think whether chocolate for toddlers is ok or not is irrelevant. Your parenting style is up to you, regardless of what others think. Your MIL should stick to your rules about the important things and food is one of them IMO. We want ds to eat healthily and we don't see the point of giving him junk food until he wants it (whenever that may be). However the first time he has chocolate (which he will be allowed for a treat) is surely our decision, at a time we see appropriate, not anyone else's. So no, YADNBU

FrannyandZooey · 27/12/2009 09:19

i've got a 17 month old (ds2) and eating several chocolates would upset his tummy as well, i would not be happy
i shared some chocolate with him yesterday, it doesn't bother me if he has little bits, but with ds1 i didn't choose to give him any sugar until he was older, and would have been unhappy had someone else chosen to ignore this
if they really did have alcohol in i would be going bonkers about this - that's not ok

if your MIL ignores your parenting wishes for your child, i think it's worth thinking about what you can compromise on and what is an absolute no for you
speak with dh and get him to back you up - he should be supporting you over things that are very important to you
you may find that you can turn a blind eye about things like chocolate but are not prepared to compromise on another issue, perhaps car seats in cars (another common MIL classic)
choose the things that are really important and just be calm and clear about them - "we don't want ds to have those chocolates so please don't give him any more"

midori1999 · 27/12/2009 10:05

I agree with Mrsjammi. I can remember exactly what I was like with my first, and subsequently relaxed muxch more with DC2 and 3, so by the time I got to DC3 he had a varied, healthy and balanced diet, but I did sue the ocassional jar when I couldn't be bothered, he was allowed the occasional crisp or sweet. He is almost six now and thriving, so I am guessing it hasn't killed him...

Of course, it is quite lucky in a way your DH agrees with you, otherwise, he coudl blame you for the fact that your DS has such a 'plain' diet he can't tolerate anything a bit different....

As sweets go, chocolate isn't as bad as most, but I do agree that if they were the stongly liquid filled type of liquer chocolate (which a champagne truffle doesn't sound) then maybe it was a bad idea to give him more than just a little taste.

Ivykaty44 · 27/12/2009 10:11

Gosh, my dad used to babysit and dip dd2 dummy in his glass of wine, it was a few drops and it certainly didn't harm her in any way or kill her.

I used to come home and see tiny sploges on her babygrow

Ok so she is partial to red wine now but she has grown up perfectly normal

Had my dad hit her - then that would be a different matter

frogetyfrog · 27/12/2009 10:20

YABU. I remember before I had children, going to a birthday party where there were two young boys stuffing the cake off the floor into their mouths and hiding behind the hall curtains stuffing sweets and choc into their mouths (aged about 2 or 3 I think). It was sickening to watch and they were almost choking as stuffing it in so much. Somebody explained to me that they werent allowed sweets or chocolate at home - just on a friday! They had become obsessed. The other kids seemed to have a much better attitude and had pigged out openly at the table then gone and played.

dinoroar · 27/12/2009 10:26

OP I think you need to calm down.

A champagne truffle for a 17mo doesn't matter - if it was a really boozy liquidy one, a 17mo would surely have spat it out immediately - I presume it was a champagne flavoured more solid buttery one and so that's why he ate it.

Anyway, YABU to get worked up over this, even though I think it was a bit off of MIL to do this, she didn't mean any harm and additionally, she didn't cause any harm. A bit of poo is par for the course with toddlers.

I did read later on in the thread that she had given a magic star choc to him when he was 3mo. I do actually think that is unacceptable and YANBU to be pissed off at that and explain to her why. Truffles for a 17mo - you just need to forget it.

As for her looking after your DS when you have your baby, as long as she watches him and is competent to keep him safe, I would just forget about any consumption of choc/whatever. It won't harm him. Depends on the exact nature of your problem with her - is she otherwise careful with him?

A friend is a paed dietician - she willingly fed both her kids choc at 17m. She didn't before 12m. I also allowed both mine choc at 17m, although followed my friend's advice and didn't before 12m.

juuule · 27/12/2009 10:28

Why no chocolate before 12m?

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