to think that Bethlehem General should NOT be allowed to close its maternity unit to new arrivals on a night like this?

[SnowyBoff]

I mean, it's ridiculous, here I am, fourteen years old and up the duff, ready to pop at any moment, and they're directing me to blardy Jerusalem Maternity Hospital. DO THEY THINK THIS DONKEY'S GOT WINGS???? Anybody know of a handy local independent midwife?

I don't know but I would possibly opt for a home birth - the roads out there are trecherous - you may need to stop over in a hotel/b and b and I wouldn't fancy your chances they've been booked for months

But I have a birthing plan and I specifically said I wanted gas and air. And I did not mean methane!!!

What does your dp think of it all?

I think your mother posted a thread a while back worrying about you. You are putting her through the mill, you know. Did she manage to set you up with that carpenter?

a friend of mine - gabe, excellent douler. You'll know him when you see him

You might want to check the baby name finder before you make any rash decisions.

i heard that hezus was pretty popuer in south america

Make sure you find somewhere soon though. You wouldn't want to give birth somewhere unsanitary.

And watch out for the visitors - some places let anyone in!

Oh no don't name him after Madonna's toyboy. Tacky.

Bob's nice.

i thin gary is a nice name

Have stopped in some barn or other. DP is attempting to fill the birthing pool as I type, but he's left gaps between the planks, there's a bitumen shortage and it's leaking to high heaven. He's stuffing straw in the gaps but I think he's not taking this seriously enough.

I don't care what my mum thinks. I told her what had happened and that it wasn't my fault, and she just went on and on. I mean, does she think I'm bothered though?

Have got ContractionMaster going on my iPhone and things are hotting up but I can't concentrate as there's blardy sheep and cows everywhere.

I think it's going to be a girl, anyway. I am going to call her Emanuelle. I know I'm supposed to call her that because it was by seers foretold. They sent me a text.

Look, go to a local inn and demand a room. They always have some spare in case of VIPs. Use tears and pleading if you have to. You CANNOT give birth in a barn, it's ridiculous. At the very least give the papers a call on the 28th.

oh and congratulations How are the contractions now?

got any Christmas sherry you can have by way of pain relief? Are you planning to breastfeed, because to be honest it doesn't sound as though you really have the facilities to bottle feed safely?

Are you the lady who had the 'push present' wish list from your DH?

I think you're only aiming to rent a place in the Bethlehem area so you can get the kid into Judea High School.

I'm in the pool now. It's freezing. Whose idea was this? I'm thinking of getting out.

HOW DID YOU KNOW UQD? The idea came to me in a dream.

Some blokes have dropped off frankincense so I am going to try inhaling that.

Think you need to complain to the PCT. Did you see any ID on these men?

In any case, am fairly sure that frankinsence comes with the H/V who visits 3 days later.

It's chavs like this that make me so cross. Whining on about a hospital closure when clearly they could have seen what was going to happen. At 14, have you even got a stable partner? Or did he threaten to leave you when he realized you were (as you put it) 'up the duff?'

AND I bet your child will run away from home and end up alone in a temple at the mercy of a load of over-interested 'priests'!

Well LRD, his grandma was a temple virgin in her yoof, I'll have you know, so we are not chavs.

Will have to go as DP says he can see the baby's head coming.

WHERE'S THAT FARKING FRANKINCENSE???????

I want my hair straighteners after this.