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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why parents give their children food in supermarkets when it is not yet paid for?

535 replies

purplepeony · 21/12/2009 18:50

Do you?

is your child so hungry that you have to grab a frnech stick, break bits off and feed it to them then present the empty packet at the checkout?

Are mums so disorganised that they cannot feed teir child before they shop?

Are they keen to feed (ha!) the "I want it now" mentality?

It really annoys me when I see this going on, asit means kids grow up not being able to wait one second from asking to being given.

OP posts:
Spaceman · 22/12/2009 20:45

In response to OP's original question:

To shut the fuckers up of course.

HeinzSight · 22/12/2009 20:48

ate

oops, I mean aye!

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 22/12/2009 20:48

atrocities perpetrated in time of war I personally shove a snack all sweetness and light to complete my car journey

Overtiredmum · 22/12/2009 20:55

I have done this on very rare occasions, both for myself (when heavily pregnant and in need of a drink) and with DS, again if I forgot to take a drink to the supermarket with me. Never anything that didn't have a barcode and never food, as I always feed the kids before I go.

On the other hand, I as a child was never allowed anything when shopping and never expected it, so can understand the "not in my lifetime".

I think as long as it is something that can be easily paid for and you're honest, then theres no harm.

eatsshootsleaves · 22/12/2009 21:06

To be honest I've never noticed whether parents are feeding their children things that haven't been paid for as I'm so busy doing my own shopping! I guess that this is normal practice then? My parents never fed us (4 of us!) in supermarkets so it never occurred to me that I should feed my dcs in a supermarket to shut them up.

I don't think that I would have a problem with other parents doing it. One does what one can to maintain a civilized situation.

I do feel however that this thread has descended to ganging up against the op, calling names and that a couple of posters are taking the high moral ground about this "issue". I suppose it is AIBU... Sigh!

Runs from thread.

EmilyStrange · 22/12/2009 21:14

I am astonished this thread is still going but as it is let me tell you how it has affected my life.

Once upon a time I would trudge round the supermarket at whatever time of day I could fit it in (yes I online shop but like to buy fresh stuff myself and with a large family run out of many things before the week is out). I digress... Anyway I would occassionally pick up some item, maybe even grapes that were in a barcoded packet, and feed them to my lo to keep his little hands and mouth occupied so my current headache of the day did not get any worse. I thought nothing of it except to think hurrah he is quiet and happy and I would pass such happy feelings on by nodding hello to other shopping mums, even commenting on the cuteness of their offspring.

But then I read this thread and saw that some people actually have a strong opinion on this, who would have thought? So today I braved M&S, it was like a rugby scrum as shoppers dived for the last pre-packed parsnips on the shelf (luckily they were only shoving and pushing other shoppers out of the way and not eating said parsnips so must be very well-brought up shoppers). So my 5 minute (ha ha like supermarket shops are ever five minutes) was prolonged.

Now I actually had some chocolate biscuits in my pocket but decided I would prefer to grab some pre-packaged fruit (with a barcode) and feed my lo that. So he was happy munching on grapes and I saw another mum and was about to smile and say hello (us northerners are gobby types) when I thought "Oh god what if she is one of the ones looking in abject horror at my child and I eating unpaid for (yet) goods. So I looked away and was not nice or smiley or friendly to anyone. So now to add to my long list of parental sins I can include shopper paranoia.

BTW first time I have ever been called common. I used to get threatened because I spoke posh. Am I a fully-fledged ASBo hoodie now?

MilaMae · 22/12/2009 21:16

I had 3 under 18 months.

Letting my 3 munch and examine a packet of Organix crisps whilst I shopped gave me 45 mins of valuable shopping time. Always did it,always put the empty packets in the trolley to be scanned.

Frequently checked at stores to see if anybody minded,nobody ever did. A couple of times I was told if it means you shop with us we're all for it.

Nobody cares, I certainly don't care if you care Purple.

I would never have done it with food that needed to be weighed though.

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 22/12/2009 21:18

when heavily pregnant and in need of a drink

PippiliveslikeLauraIngalls · 22/12/2009 21:21

Done lots of times. Only when the situation really asked for it though. No just because they wanted it now. As long as you pay for it.

One day you will eat your words methinks...

loulou77 · 22/12/2009 21:32

Did someone see me in Sainsbury's today? My children are so dragged up they actually clamour for crusty bread as soon as we have ripped the toy out of their CBeebies mag. And sometimes we've even been for nitrate soaked sausages in the cafe beforehand. And today they ate sausage rolls out of the packet in the buggy when we were out over lunchtime.

However, in my defence, it usually takes about 30 mins to get between magazine aisle and bread aisle so I like to think there is some experience of delayed gratification for the little blighters.

Oh how I hope you are one of the educators about to take them on a voyage of discovery into open-mindedness purple!

littledawleybaubles · 22/12/2009 21:36

My friend used to let her children choose a board book in Tescos when they got there then she would put it back at the end....

narna · 22/12/2009 21:49

I did this today with my DC in Tesco and thought of you Purple
HA HA!

TheCallerWithheldTheirNumber · 22/12/2009 21:56

PurplePeony: in short, YANBU. Anyone who thinks their precious offspring will expire if they don't get that end of the French stick then and there is being completely U. I expect they let them run round in restaurants and chase pigeons as well.

Yuletidespamlog · 22/12/2009 22:01

YABU.

Shopping with children is usually bad enough without them being hungry as well.

And, no, sometimes people aren't organised enough to feed their children before they go shopping as maybe they've come straight from nursery, school, work, etc.

This is a case of if it offends you, don't do it yourself and turn a blind eye to people who do.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 22/12/2009 22:13

YAB massively U. It's not about kids being fed before they go, I give my daughter bits of what I'm buying to offset the occasional tantrum.

You can't win can you? If your child has a tantrum due to being rightfully bored in the supermarket, you are public enemy number one due to the noise and public spectacle of it all. Given them a bit of bread off the loaf you are buying anyway, and that's wrong too.

My daughter is 2 and is normally a complete darling. However, for a peaceful shopping experience, I will very happily open the packet of buttons or break off the piece of bread. I chose my battles.

StayingSantasGirl · 22/12/2009 23:55

If a child learns that by having a tantrum in the supermarket, they'll get something nice to eat, then won't they have more tantrums in the supermarket? And if you give into a tantrum in one place, doesn't it make it harder to resist tantrums the rest of the time?

I'm hoping for rational replies to this, but expecting some of the same nastiness that the OP has received.

confuddledDOTcom · 22/12/2009 23:58

LOL MIFLAW well said!

Flightattendant I was thinking the same thing, there's no way I could try to put off shopping till I didn't have the kids - we'd starve!

I think the answer is simple. It's not illegal, for some it's a moral issue for some it's not. My morals aren't the same as yours or the next persons. I probably have a lot of ideas about things that you wouldn't agree with and vice versa. It's not illegal, it's not harming you in anyway, you don't like it then don't do it but leave others to get on with their lawful business and MYO!

shonaspurtle · 23/12/2009 00:07

Absolutely SantasGirl, but I think for most people you'll find it's about avoiding getting to the point when the tantrum occurs (hopefully). I don't think for one second that ds gets that he's being 'bribed', and in fact he isn't, it's pure distraction.

I've had my share of supermarket tantrums, excruciating experiences that they were, and I've never given in to them. You're right - that way madness lies.

shonaspurtle · 23/12/2009 00:09

Giving ds my purse to hold works just as well actually, but a snack is less likely to result in my bank card ending up in the bottom of a freezer.

StayingSantasGirl · 23/12/2009 00:09

That makes a lot of sense, shona - thankyou.

shonaspurtle · 23/12/2009 00:11

I don't think this thread has been at all nasty btw.

The op's been pretty free with the insinuations about poor parenting, both our own and our forebearers and that does tend to touch a nerve. Yo mamma & all that.

echt · 23/12/2009 03:46

OP, YANBU.

Goblinchild · 23/12/2009 04:08

I love this sort of thread, it's one of the reasons I stay with mumsnet.
All harrumphing and outrage over something small and harmless that has no real impact on the OP. Very traditional middle class, like my MIL.
Yes, I used to feed mine french stick in the supermarket to keep them occupied, but never fruit as I couldn't wash it before they ate.
Did I care about other people's opinion of my parenting? Nope.

Flightattendant · 23/12/2009 07:00

Stayingsantagirl - you asked for a civil response, so here goes.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I would bet good mony that most 'upsets' or tantrums as people call them are indeed caused by hunger, low blood sugar in most part.

It's not generally in response to a 'tantrum' (hate that word) that I will feed ds2 something on the way round - it's to pre-empt one. For instance yesterday in Sainsburys, we got him INto the trolley, but once we had been in there about 20 minutes and got nearly everything, we ended up at the cakes bit, and they both asked for a cake - so I got them one each, they barcoded the little bags and we made our way through the crowds to the checkouts...ds1 asked for his cake when we had been given them, and I said no, I think you can wait a while (he is 6) but ds2 was handed his immediately, and started to eat it happily. Of course I kept the packet safe, and when he had had a few bites he had had enough and we put it back in and resealed it.
He did still get fed up just as we went through the checkout - he wanted to get out and run about, and actually climbed to his feet despite my having the straps on their tightest setting - great - nearly a fractured skull like the other MNer's child who fell out of a trolley - but I managed to shove him back in sideways and he waited the next 5 minutes in relative peace without yelling at all. Tantrum avoided.

This is why I do it. If i hadn't fed him something to keep him going, he would doubtless have made it hell for everyone at the checkout, but he didn't feel bad enough because he'd been fed.

I probably ought to take something as a precaution but it is almost certain that he will refuse anything 'boring' brought from home, so it would defeat the object (he is simply in that phase and not a good eater)

So I do equate it rather to breastfeeding on demand. I'm still waiting for anyone here to admit that they object to babies being breastfed, or indeed bottle fed, in public, at awkward moments in order to avert a full scale meltdown.
I admit it feels slightly wrong to feed my child from an unpaid for packet, and I rarely did so with ds1, but I see it as sometimes the lesser of two evils.

HTH.

gorionine · 23/12/2009 08:54

Aye!

Why am I convinced that the people who find "feeding from an empty pack" a disgrace would be the first ones to complain at children having a tantrum while shopping?

I also find amusing that they seem to think a shopping trip is always a short swift experience. It is not always the case, you might have to buy a lot of things or just a few but find yourself in a very long queue at the checkout...

I am really pleased for all the posters who have never experienced "shopping trouble" but for some, as Flightattendent said it so nicely, giving a little snack on the way is definitelly the lesser of two evils!