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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my children to wait until Christmas to open presents?

100 replies

darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:11

My MIL came to see us yesterday bearing gifts. She insisted we all open them while she was there. I would really rather have hidden them away until Christmas so the children ages 1, 2 and 4 have them then. My MIL lives two hours drive away and is not coming for Christmas so would miss them opening presents. I am very grateful for everything she buys them but think it takes away some of the magic if they dont wait.

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 21/12/2009 12:13

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. But I understand where you are coming from.

Your children will have a mountain of presents to open on the day and will probably be overwhelmed and lose track of who gave them what.

Your MIL wanted to see her GCs open their presents, and see their faces.

It is what we do in our house and the kids love it. Means Christmas lasts a week!

Fibilou · 21/12/2009 12:15

YANBU. Christmas presents are for Christmas, not opening on some other random day

TheMightyToosh · 21/12/2009 12:15

I think if MIL is not going to see them, she is NBU to want to see them open them in front of her before Christmas.

After all, that is the nice part about giving gifts, isn't it - seeing the pleasure they bring to the people you chose them for?

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 21/12/2009 12:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable, that's the thing, you have to wait til Christmas day to open them. If she wants to see your DC opening them, you could leave it til afterwards when they see her next?

In the end, it's up to you as their Mum, not up to your MIL.

GypsyMoth · 21/12/2009 12:16

who says xmas presents are for xmas day only....i mean,WHO makes those rules???

2rebecca · 21/12/2009 12:16

I would have refused, I wouldn't even want kids that age shown the presents, probably because in our family we never saw any presents until xmas day when they all appeared by magic delivered by santa. If you put presents under the tree then it probably doesn't matter as much but I'm anti any present opening before Christmas.

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:17

One thing is that we don't buy them huge amounts because we just don't want them to have loads of stuff. Does that make me sound even worse?

OP posts:
LittleWhiteWolf · 21/12/2009 12:19

We give DHs younger brothers and sister their pressies on xmas eve because we know that if they get them sooner their parents will let them open them for some peace and quiet and we believe pressies should wait til xmas day. Therefore xmas eve is the shortest time for them to wait until the Proper Day!

BUT I can see your Mils POV so maybe this once its ok?

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:19

Thats what I would have wanted 2rebecca

OP posts:
pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 21/12/2009 12:20

I don't think either you or her are being unreasonable, both ideas are valid. All things being equal though, I'm with your MIL. She has spent her money, chosen presents, wrapped them, driven a long way to bring them, and won't see them on Xmas. All she wants is to see them open her gifts and enjoy them.

I understand your point, but they are young and it won't spoil anything for them or you on Xmas itself. Presumably they will get plenty of other gifts on Friday?

This way your MIl gets to enjoy her gift giving, the kids enjoy her gifts, its win win. Th only thing that loses out is your ideal way of doing things. Is that worth it?

So YABU, but in a nice way!

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:20

Its like that every year, with DHs dad too, open the presents as soon as they are given.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 12:22

I would have let them open them. Main part of the joy of giving is seeing the receiver open the gift.

Interested in those where santa brings everything, does that mean no thanks for the grannies/children & them not knowing who carefully picked out stuff?

2rebecca · 21/12/2009 12:29

No santa brings the presents in our family, he only buys the present from the parents the others have gift tags, that's the whole point of the sleigh and coming down the chimney stuff.
I feel strongly enough about this that I would discuss with relatives beforehand my preference.
I don't see why it diminishes the pleasure. I rarely see my nephews open their presents and sometimes don't see my son, but knowing they wake up on Christmas morning to see a pile of presents santa has left more than makes up for the pleasure of seeing them opening my present, after all if santa doesn't bring it it's not really a Christmas present. Even as an adult I don't open Christmas presents before Christmas, just like I open birthday presents on my birthday.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 12:38

So how do you handle eg if someone hands down something really special, then when they have passed away, you can't say "that was granny's special (whatever) and she wanted you to have it".

Or if granny knits something really lovely they have no idea that she has poured the time effort and love into that present.

And worst case scenario granny says "what do you think of your new X" and child says honestly "well it's nice but I would rather snata had brought me a yellow one" not realising it's from her.

I do like to see people open presents I have chosen for them TBH, I like to see the look of (hopepfully) surprise/interest and the smile. Maybe that is selfish of me.

thedogsgottago · 21/12/2009 12:39

Xmas presents for Xmas day I think. Though can see your MILs point, but I do think it takes the magic away from it if kids open them any old day...YANBU

2rebecca · 21/12/2009 13:08

I said santa only buys the presnets from the parents ( and that's my ex's family tradition in our family the parents' presents were labelled too). The present from granny will have a tag saying "from granny". Santa just brings it in his sleigh as a Christmas day special postman.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:11

Oh I see

That's alright then

I would have let them open MIL ones though. We have yet to "set" our xmas traditions though, kids are only small.

lovechoc · 21/12/2009 13:15

YANBU I would say the same and expect my MIL to understand this. If your MIL doesn't get it, that's her problem. Surely you can take a photo of them opening their presents and email her the photos so she can see their faces??

JustAnotherManicMummy · 21/12/2009 13:16

Why can't MIL be more involved over Christmas? There are 12 days of it afterall, starting from the 25th.

DH is from a step-family and we see his dad and have a meal together late Decemeber/early January. Then we all get a few extra presents after all the excitment of Christmas day.

Works very well for us - perhaps it would for you too?

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 13:17

YABU

It is nice for your MIL and your children to share the opening of presents moments and presumably they are not the only presents they will have?

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 21/12/2009 13:18

I would have let them open them so MIL can see their faces as they open her gifts to them.
I wouldn't make it a habitual thing and let them open every other present that arrives early but if MIL not seeing you on Christmas day I don't see the harm and it seems a BU to refuse when she's there and hoping to see them open what she#s chosen for them. Can't see how it spoils the magic as there are always so many things for dcs to open at Christmas anyway.
Look on it as being an appetiser for what's to come

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 13:18

Your children are so young I doubt they get Christmas yet, other than the 4 year old.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 21/12/2009 13:20

and if you know that it happens every year but you are worried there might not be enough for dcs to open on the big day then maybe take it into account and get an extra little something to add to the pile for Christmas day?
Not fair to deny GPs Christmas experience of giving a present and watching it being enjoyed just because they can't be with you on Christmas day itself.

ToffeeCrumble · 21/12/2009 13:22

Is your annoyance at this because you haven't bought many presents and were wanting to pad out your offerings with pressies from other people on Xmas Day? I think YABU as you should allow your MIL the pleasure of seeing your children's faces on opening them if she won't get to see them at Xmas.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:22

have been mulling it over.

We have xmas at my mums and then at DP mum, all in one day (tiring but no cooking for me ).

The plan (I think - this is first year we have one old enough to notice) will be that they wake up with stocking from father xmas, then, um...

better talk to DH

Thing is they will get presents when we go to my parents house, from my family, which will be from them, then we will go to DH family and they will get all those presents, from them.

Thinking about it I would definitely not ask all of our families that they give us the presents in advance for us to give to the kids (from father xmas) on christmas morning. Why should they miss out on seeing the pleasure and excitement of the children on opening the gifts? And just us get to see it? That seems very unfair to me.