Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To want my children to wait until Christmas to open presents?

100 replies

darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:11

My MIL came to see us yesterday bearing gifts. She insisted we all open them while she was there. I would really rather have hidden them away until Christmas so the children ages 1, 2 and 4 have them then. My MIL lives two hours drive away and is not coming for Christmas so would miss them opening presents. I am very grateful for everything she buys them but think it takes away some of the magic if they dont wait.

OP posts:

therednosedcariboo · 21/12/2009 20:53

This is a much saner question than the one about giving your dc food in the supermarket. I understand that you want to "stick to the rules" but fair dues if the giver won't be around at Xmas to see the dc's faces when they open the pressies! That's half the fun of giving!

What I've noticed is that dc actually get bored of opening presents on Christmas day. After 2 or 3, their eyes glaze over! I'm sure it's different when they're older but the under 10s are overwhelmed.

TheBolter · 21/12/2009 20:55

I don't think there's anything wrong in letting your children open presents before Christmas, on certain occasions such as this one.

I would also be a bit pissed off if I'd spent time and effort choosing a present only for it to be whisked away and presented as being from 'Santa' on Christmas Day.

Morloth · 21/12/2009 21:01

I think YANBU and I think your MIL is NBU as well. I am quite happy for DS (and myself ) to open Christmas pressies ahead of time if the giver prefers that.

There isn't any right or wrong way to do this I think, just what suits. If it really upsets you then maybe say something, but it seems like a battle not worth fighting to me.

Peabody · 21/12/2009 21:01

I think you should do whichever is nicest for the present giver. If they are of the 'Christmas presents for Christmas Day' ilk, then wait. If they want to see the kids open the presents, then the kids should open the presents.

And as a related issue, I think kids this young very quickly get overwhelmed by presents. We have decided to let ours (2.5 and 1) open some presents on Christmas Eve simply to reduce the number of presents they'll have to open on Christmas Day. Last year the eldest hit meltdown point very quickly and I ended up saving half his presents for him to open at a later date.

(Disclaimer: we are not overly generous. We have big, generous families).

KiwiKat · 21/12/2009 21:02

Don't forget that much of the joy of presents is in the giving, not just the receiving, and it would be churlish to deny your MIL the pleasure of seeing the children's faces just because it doesn't tie in with your notion of the 'perfect Christmas'. I agree with TheBolter.

Original poster

darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:03

Has anyone noticed I had just had a car crash before we had to sit down and open presents so granny could get home.

OP posts:

Stigaloid · 21/12/2009 21:10

I think YABU - i think it is nicer to see people's reactions to gifts when you give them so you know they like them and the effort you went to was worthwhile.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:10

I think we are just enjoying having a big row discussion now darcy, don't take it personally.

majority seem to feel you did the right thing but were not BU to be pissed off, quite a good result for AIBU!

dinoroar · 21/12/2009 21:16

I've noticed that you had a car crash Darcy. I would have thought you would have just let MIL and the kids get on with whatever they wanted whilst you tried to come to terms with the shock of the car crash.

Original poster

darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:21

I suggested they get on with it while I made phone calls but MIL insisted I should be there.

OP posts:

ShellingPeas · 21/12/2009 21:26

"Has anyone noticed I had just had a car crash before we had to sit down and open presents so granny could get home."

To be fair to posters, if you'd said this in your first post you may have had a different response.

In normal circumstances, sans car crash, then I think YABU to not let Granny see her grandchildren open their presents if she lives some distance away and won't see them on the day. At that age my DCs definitely lost interest after the first 3 or 4 presents. But, given that you were obviously stressed and had many other things on your mind, then Granny was a little unreasonable herself.

Original poster

darcymum · 21/12/2009 21:32

I didn't mention the car crash at first because that wasn't the question as this is what happens every year (early present opening, not crashed cars). I just got a little defensive about all the "poor granny" comments. I should add she is very nice my MIL but we do always do think her way and I dont mind hugely. While they believe in Father Christmas though I would like to keep it special.

OP posts:

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 21:45

Thing is bringing car crash into it later looks like AIBU by stealth and loses sympathy for your position.

AK1107 · 21/12/2009 21:48

Sorry to hear about the car crash. I think in those circumstances your MIL was a touch unreasonable. However, I do think it is nice for the person giving the presents to be able to see the look on DC faces when they open them.

My parents always buy loads of presents for my DC's so we split them and some of them will be from Santa and then my DC's are told who gave them the others. Traditionally, the Santa presents are opened in the morning and then all the other presents are put under the tree and opened in the afternoon after lunch. This year we will not be seeing my parents until boxing day so their presents will wait until then. I think doing it this way means they still have the magic of Santa plus they know other members of the family have bought them gifts.

differentnameforthis · 21/12/2009 22:09

"It is her problem that she won't be there to see them opened...and when they are older and she gives them the 3rd hand knitted jumper in a row, she will be grateful that she is not around to see their faces"

Maybe it isn't her problem! maybe she hasn't been invited to spend Christmas at the darcy household.

I think it is mean refusing the grandparents the opportunity to watch their GC open presents that they have spent time choosing,. paying for, wrapping & delivering!

Original poster

darcymum · 21/12/2009 22:12

She was invited, she chose to spend Christmas with a friend instead.

OP posts:

sunnydelight · 22/12/2009 04:40

YABU, why not let her have the pleasure of seeing the kids open what she bought for them. Also, on Christmas day most kids have so much stuff they don't realise what comes from who. When my mum was alive and sent Christmas presents (different country) we always let the kids open the parcel when it arrived as it stuck in their mind more that X was from nana and grandad.

lovechoc · 22/12/2009 13:05

true purplepeony, everything these days is 'got to have it NOW' and it's not the best way to bring DC up with that attitude. they should wait til Christmas and phone to say thanks. It's not rocket science, or there's always the suggestions I've made previously.

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 22/12/2009 17:35

Its not about the kids having to have it now, that doesn't come into it, its about the granny wanting to see them.
It may not be rocket science but I don't think anyone appointed you decider of whats proper and correct for everyone elses kids, or indeed grannies!

lovechoc · 22/12/2009 18:45

I didn't claim to have all the answers poo, I'm just giving an opinion that's all!lol. No need to be all high and mighty about it.

nappyaddict · 25/12/2010 10:37

This is why I organise for family and friends to visit between Christmas and New Year. I like him to open them in front of the giver but I also don't want him to open them before Christmas.

nappyaddict · 25/12/2010 10:44

Oooops didn't realise this was from last year!

differentnameforthis · 25/12/2010 11:18

but think it takes away some of the magic if they dont wait

And it probably takes away some of the magic for her, if she can't watch them open the presents she bought for them!

MintyMoo · 25/12/2010 15:32

I think you need to be flexible, I was always brought up with 'christas presents are on Christmas day', when I was 8 years old and my 83 year old grandmother was dying in Hospital the rule was relaxed so she could see me open the present on the 23rd December. It hasn't turned me in to a spoiled brat and as she died 8 weeks later I'm glad we let her see her grandchildren open their presents. If some random school friend of my Mum sent me a present it would have been on the pile under the tree.

I think rules can be relaxed in some circumstances, my niece lives abroad and came to the UK in september for a wedding, I gave her a christmas present then - she's not been traumatised and thoroughly enjoyed Christmas Day yesterday. As long as it's not so frequent the children EXPECT to have lots of presents early I don't think the world is going to come to an end.

SuzieHomemaker · 25/12/2010 20:19

MintyMoo DH and I were discussing just this point. Being inflexible about when presents are opened is such a hostage to fortune. There are so many perfectly good reasons for allowing a bit of flexibility.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread