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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my children to wait until Christmas to open presents?

100 replies

darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:11

My MIL came to see us yesterday bearing gifts. She insisted we all open them while she was there. I would really rather have hidden them away until Christmas so the children ages 1, 2 and 4 have them then. My MIL lives two hours drive away and is not coming for Christmas so would miss them opening presents. I am very grateful for everything she buys them but think it takes away some of the magic if they dont wait.

OP posts:
MummyAnnabella · 21/12/2009 19:00

am so shocked that quite a few people agree with OP here. surely learning patience (which can be taught zillions of ways) is not as important as having manners and showing thanks gratitude and love to the granny for her kind gifts.

we dont know whose fault it is she wont be there on the day and maybe she wasnt invited for that. it is manners to open the gift if the giver wants it so and she is entitled to see their reaction to a carefully chosen gift. if the giver gives the option of waiting then fair enough to say we prefer to wait.

my kids are 1 and 2 and are getting v ltlle from santa but will have some stuff to open on the day from my family. we were at MILs yesterday and she gave gifts. she left it up to me when to open but i thought poliet to open in front of her. it was clothes and she really appreciated that i was able to reassure re sizes etc.

think OP vv unreasonable!

purplepeony · 21/12/2009 19:04

Imso- no it was not a nasty post.
You obviously lack any sense of humour re . knitting joke.

I just happen to think that children - even young ones- should be taught manners and that presents for Xmas are well, just that.

FWIW, My parents live further away than 200 miles and have never had the pleasure of seeing their GC open presents.

What they do appreciate is my role as aparent teaching them manners.
IMO the grandma should have asked the OP out of earhot of any DCs and said she would like to see their faces, but she quite understands if their mum would rather put them away til Xmas- or as a compromise, open one and put the rest away. (If she gave more than one.)

Annya · 21/12/2009 19:08

PP - you've got a bee in your bonnet tonight, haven't you? Why don't you take a leaf out of your own book and wait before posting... oh, I don't know, maybe til after Xmas.

OP - YABU - spoil the magic of Xmas, oh please, what about your kids' Granny's Xmas, or doesn't her Xmas count?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 19:24

This conversation is good manners? Granny turns up after driving 200 miles to deliver pressies.

"Hello there I have brought some presents for the DC, can I give them to them now, I'd like to see their faces when they open them".

"No. Sorry but we want the children to open all the presents on xmas morning with us".

"Oh right"

Granny gets in car and drives 200 miles home again.

I can see who I would say was being extremely rude and selfish there. What is this preciousness about xmas that rules can't even be bent for granny? What kind of lesson does that teach DC - it's my way or the highway, you always have to have things your own way at all costs, even if that means upsetting others including family. If people don't like your rules, then they are selfish idiots. (They still have to give you presents though, obviously.)

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 19:30

I should add that we had just all come back from the Christmas meal in the village near where we live. I had crashed DH car in the ice on the way back, I really didn't want to open presents I wanted to phone the insurance company and sort that out. We had invited MIL for Christmas but she didn't want to come as she was busy, and we did sit down and open the presents in front of her.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 19:38

Well i think you did the right thing darcy. You are allowed to be pissed off quietly. I thought you had said No!

Sorry to hear about the car, hope it all gets sorted quickly.

jaquelinehyde · 21/12/2009 19:53

I have a large extended family, spread out accross the country. Presents are only opened on Christmas day or afterwards, never before. In fact presents are never seen in our house until Christmas morning when the sitting room door is opened and lo and behold Santa has been!

Anyone who brings presents, brings them in a non see through bag and they are whisked away up stairs before anyone knows anything about them.

No one in our family has ever complained, it has never been an issue. This is just the way it is, and as the family has extended and adjusted, everyone has just been happy to go along with it. It's a non-issue.

Any presents that I buy for other family members are always from Santa, I never even write my name on them, just love Santa.

Although this year I have no money so no one is getting anything

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 19:53

At least I was on my own in the car and unhurt. The cars a mess though.

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 21/12/2009 19:58

YANBU. I am very strict. No-one poens presents before Christmas Day and any for the children are hidden when Santa delivers them.

The whole point of Chistmas is that it is a special day.

I would not have let them open them and have sucessfully made this point to my own mil.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:04

Interesting how it's all MIL being told to get stuffed, not mothers.

islandofsodor · 21/12/2009 20:08

I'm guessing that is because our own mothers have always done things our way and indeed that is why it has become our way.

I had a conversation with my mother about how I wanted Christmas to be once I had children and she totally agreed with me as that is how she had always done it too.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:11

I think you're probably right there.

Shame that other half of family has to toe the line even if it means missing out, according to their traditions.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:12

Would you ever bend the rules?

islandofsodor · 21/12/2009 20:14

Not before Christmas no. After Chrostmas a friend of dh's comes to visit from the other end of the country and brings the children a present. However this year (I think) we are arranging to see him Christmas Eve so the presents will be hidden in the boot in a bit of subterfuge.

Really can't think of ANY occasion when we would open any present before Christmas.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:16

Elderly granny saying that she would like to see DCs faces when they open presents not good enough?

What about if she's not well etc?

Jux · 21/12/2009 20:36

Just remember though, those toys will be completely eclipsed by the new ones they get on Xmas and will be relegated to the 'old' 'familiar' 'boring' pile, in comparison

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 21/12/2009 20:36

So hurting a well meaning and kind granny is ok, so your children will have more presents to open on their "special day"?

Its all very piss off old lady, we're in charge now, isn't it?* What about teaching your children to appreciate their relatives, to accomodate others, to be kind and thoughtful? Just ask her to send cash in an envelope then you don't even need the bother of giving the auld lady a cup of tea....

*yes I realise OP did not say no in the end, but it sounds like plenty of posters would.

islandofsodor · 21/12/2009 20:43

In which case they would have to make it just a general present and not a Chrismas present.

Christmas presents are for Christmas Day (have no elderly relatives mind you, my parents are only in their 50's and dh's early 60's.)

snickersnack · 21/12/2009 20:44

People who come to the house before Christmas with presents for the dcs get to see them open them, play with them and say thank you. If that's what they want. Some people smuggle them in and tell me to hide them. Also fine. I think that is much more polite than telling visitors who have been kind enough to bring my dcs a present how to behave.

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 20:46

I always say yes about opening present early ( well not given the opportunity to say no). A couple of years ago it was late November we had Christmas for Granny convenience.

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 21/12/2009 20:47

I'm glad you let them open them OP

It might have not been what you wanted, but it was the right thing to do by your MIL. Think of it as your Xmas present to her

Totally by the by I am sorry to say I reckon any complicated Santa as magical DHL man stuff is a bit daft. And deviating from the original St Nick by quite a margin, should such a thing matter much.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:49

yes to pooexplosion and snickersnack.

So many threads on here at the moment showing such inflexibility. Doesn't matter who is upset as long as people do it my way.

islandofsodor then granny has to buy extra presents, otherwise children will think granny hasn't bothered getting them anything for xmas. Granny has to shell out £££ and go to extra effort simply in order to see her GCs faces when they open presents? Can't you see that is hrash?

Original poster
darcymum · 21/12/2009 20:49

Your right snickersnack, I don't really want to deprive people from seeing children open presents. It would be nice if it could be kept for Christmas though, at least once. They wont believe in Father Christmas long and after that I would be much more relaxed about when presents are opened.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/12/2009 20:51

so if presents are for xmas day ONLY....then any presents which arrive late after xmas day should be left untill the next years xmas day.....NO??

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 20:52

I don't understand how opening a couple of presents early is going to ruin christmas for everyone TBH. If a tradition is that fragile it doesn't sound like a great one to me.

One little thing and the whole thing is screwed. Better to keep it simple and allow for unforseen occurences/letting granny enjoy herself IMO