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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my children to wait until Christmas to open presents?

100 replies

darcymum · 21/12/2009 12:11

My MIL came to see us yesterday bearing gifts. She insisted we all open them while she was there. I would really rather have hidden them away until Christmas so the children ages 1, 2 and 4 have them then. My MIL lives two hours drive away and is not coming for Christmas so would miss them opening presents. I am very grateful for everything she buys them but think it takes away some of the magic if they dont wait.

OP posts:

lovechoc · 21/12/2009 13:26

that's what's great about doing a special video of your DC opening all their presents (yours and relatives!). It means anyone can in the family can view them opening the presents so no one misses out on it. We did this last year and it's a lovely memory to keep and show to relatives on request.

You could also take photos as I've already suggested and print them off.

I don't see what all the fuss is about TBH.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 21/12/2009 13:28

I have never heard of giving presents from relatives and saying they are from Father Christmas!
In my childhood, same with dh's childhood and what we do for our dcs is have presents for the dcs from us and then something for each of them from FC and then anything else they get from other people is simply that, presents from other people - friends and relatives. Father Christmas only brings his present to them.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:30

You are seriously suggesting that I get the presents from the families, video the kids opening them on xmas morning, then when we go around for lunch stick on the video?

Yes nice as a keepsake but it does somewhat remove the personal touch.

this all ties in with the theme on a lot of threads about families becoming terribly insular, with all expect parents and children sidelined.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:31

*except

lovechoc · 21/12/2009 13:32

no I'm saying that for exceptional circumstances where certain relatives aren't able to be there on the day, at least if there's a video to watch of them opening the presents, it's better than nothing at all. Surely it's the thought that counts?

BornToFolk · 21/12/2009 13:32

YABabitU but I understand where you are coming from.

We just had an early Christmas at my mum's as it was the only time the whole family could be together. DS (2.2) and my niece (2.8) opened some of their presents so that whoever gave them could see them open them. DS and DN had about 5 presents each and it was just enough for them. They were just starting to get a bit over-excited, ripping the paper off etc so it was nice to be able to stop and let them play with what they had.

I saw DN open the hat that I'd made her and had a chance to read her the book that we'd bought her. I wouldn't have been able to do that if we'd sent the presents.

I think it's quite good with the younger ones to spread it out a bit. Christmas Day will still be special, with Father Christmas coming and everything.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:33

Who would deny the opportunity of an old person to physically hand a gift to a child, say happy chistmas, sit and watch them open it, hopefully child is excited and grateful, child says thankyou and maybe a hug or a kiss.

That is a lovely thing.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:34

"No I'll give them the present and send you a photo of them opening it"

The more I think about it the more I am sure YABU OP.

lovechoc · 21/12/2009 13:34

I agree that it's a lovely thing, but there are times when it's not always possible and you have to think of alternative means of letting relatives see DC faces as they open presents.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:36

Yes I was thinking of the OP though who didn't want the children opening the presents while the MIL was there.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 13:37

lots of xposts lovechoc!

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 21/12/2009 13:40

my parents and dh's parents and siblings live opposite ends of the UK so there's no way we can see both sets of GPs every Christmas.
We simply see one set at Christmas itself and the other set we see when we can and we then open presents at that stage.
If anything if extends the Christmas pressie excitement as there will be more to come when we see the next set of GPs.
I honestly can't see what the fuss about having to open everything on Christmas morning is about - if someone has given a present, let them see it be opened if they want to see it, whether it's a week early or a couple of weeks later, whenever you get chance to be together!
I suppose I'm coming from a different angle to some of the posters though in that dh and I buy all the santa's stocking stuff, the present from him for each of the dcs and anything else is either from us or from relatives. FC just looks after his own affairs in this house, not the presents from everyone else! Plus we never have Christmas day with everyone as it's not possible so dcs are used to having presents as and when they see the rest of the family and we do a Christmas dinner with them too, so our dcs get 2 Christmas days!

lovechoc · 21/12/2009 13:40

yes lots of xposts. I know what you mean though, if the relative is physically there it wouldn't do any harm for the DC to open their presents but the OP isn't seeing it like that at all, so I was just thinking of alternative ways of the GP getting to see her GC opening the presents that's all.

GypsyMoth · 21/12/2009 13:41

crikey....hope none of you 'presents on the day only' people never end up with an extended family!! if you split with your partner or meet a new one with kids,then yoyu'll find all those silly 'rules' about presents go straight out of the window!!!

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 21/12/2009 14:09

Ilovetiffany, nobodys saying the OP should do it one way or the other, just that as the childrens mum, she has the right to say what her DCs do.

There's nothing wrong with presents only on the day, and not that nice of you to be saying that anybody who does that with their children will regret it if they split up with their childrens dad. Who on earth is going to start opening their presents whenever they get them 'just in case' they split up??

They're not silly rules, they're traditional where we are.

VirginPeachyMotherOfSpod · 21/12/2009 14:12

I'dahve wanted them to open it with teh giver,TBH.

The fC things last a few eyasr only.... the realvalue is knowing and sharing allthemeories,and knowing what goes into making Chriostmas happen.

That goes both ways: the memoriesareas much with the older generation as the younger,andI would want my parents etc tosee the gifts opened.

Indeed we have the opposite as my Mum is insisting we bring the gifts home, rather than make the boys wait until the 27th when they see her: I reckon the boys could wait two days tbh.

diddl · 21/12/2009 14:16

It´s a shame she couldn´t have come nearer Christmas.

But tbh I think YABU.
She wasn´t asking much-to see her young granchildren opening the presents she had bought.

GypsyMoth · 21/12/2009 14:26

the childrens 'mum' has the right to say what dc's do???? what about the dad?

christmas is a time for families here....thats OUR tradition....be it on the day or a day or so either side.

AgentZigzagDoingAYuleLog · 21/12/2009 14:28

Ilovetiffany, it's the mum that's asking the question in the OP, not the dad. As we all know, blokes just do as they're told at Christmas

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 21/12/2009 14:33

I don't think opening a present the weekend before Christmas is anything to get anxious about. I could understand it more if it was November but in the past we've even opened presents in Feb because that was the earliest we could get up to see my ILs and the family on dh's side. It was no big deal and dcs enjoyed having what seemed like bonus presents!

2rebecca · 21/12/2009 16:55

I am remarried and my kids often have Christmas with their dad, and my husband's kids live with their mum or with friends. They still have as many presents as possible on the day, sometimes some after, never any before.
To me the tradition is more important than seeing them open them. Imagining them opening presents on Christmas day is better than forcing them to open them on a random day to suit me and turning a christmas present into just a present.
Giving a present isn't supposed to be all about the giver.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 18:42

ROFL @ forcing children to open presents

Even my 5mo is getting the hang of it, and the 2 yr old needs no encouragement whatsoever

Still @ telling granny to piss off TBH. They won't be here forever, seeing their DCs open presents is nice, not selfish

People are forgetting that xmas is time for all family, not just mum dad and kids and everyone else has to do as they are damn well told.

Say granny wants to give something really special - she's not allowed to do it in person? Crappy.

purplepeony · 21/12/2009 18:46

I would have refused.

Your role is to show your DCs that presents are meant to be opened at Christmas and so they learn some patience, not the "I have got to have it NOW" culture.

It is her problem that she won't be there to see them opened...and when they are older and she gives them the 3rd hand knitted jumper in a row, she will be grateful that she is not around to see their faces.

dinoroar · 21/12/2009 18:53

Poor granny.

Anyway, a 1yo, 2yo and 4yo will be overwhelmed opening all their stuff in one day. Far better to get a present from granny now. The woman isn't asking too much to see it opened. The "magic" isn't all about FC - what about family? I think it's really sad that granny is required to deliver gifts and bugger off. I think a phrase my brother uses which is maybe borrowed from the americans is in order: You have a bug up your ass!

ImSoNotTelling · 21/12/2009 18:55

What a deeply unpleasant post purplepeony.

It is her problem she can't come on xmas day - she lives 200 miles away and may well have other family / grandchildren etc.

You assume that her gifts will be really fucking crap.

It is nothing to do with "have it now" culture as it is the MIL who wants to give it now, not the children who are asking.

Personally I am very grateful that we have a full complement of grandparents at the moment, though that won't last forever. My MIL has cancer and is a great jumper-knitter. Rather than make her happy and enjoy what time she may have left by allowing her to see how pleased the DC with the things that she has lovingly and time-consumingly made for them, I should tell her to fuck right off with her stupid crappy presents, we wil give them to the DC, it is not her place to give presents personally or see the DC open them, and anyway they are shit.

nasty nasty post.

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