Am I being unreasonable to think that good care with one carer at home is better than good care at a nursery?

[gotogirl]

I haven't namechanged, because I am not ashamed of asking this. It is a genuine question.

Following the thread from the mum who wanted appreciation of her parenting skills for having a good-sleeper / well-behaved 3 year old - i know it is contrary to MN netiquette to start a thread re a thread, but this is a related topic, not the same one.

Anyway, that mum suggested if it is all down to luck, she may as well pop her DD into nursery and feed her fruit shoots....cos being lucky, this "adverse" things would not affect the outcome. So, she clearly put "nursery" in the adverse category.

A few people picked her up on this and said nursery is not evil etc.

[Bear with me, this is long, I know]

My question:

does anybody genuinely feel that nursery is as good as or better than being cared for by single carer in home environment?

My thoughts: that the OP from other post is eriously misguided in thinking nursery = adverse environment. But, but....

I struggle to think that nursery is going to be better than one-to-one care at home unless home carer is ill / depressed / incapable etc.

Let's get to the point:

Am I being unreasonable to think that good care with one carer at home is better than good care at a nursery?

BTW, my kids are not cared for one-to-one at hom; I work and this is not possible. but i found what I fgeel is next best thing. I myself do not think it is superior care to what they would get if I were able to become SAHM. But economic reality dictates work for me.

just come to this thread - am currently settling DS into nursery at 14 months - he's been with a nanny part then full time since I went back to work when he was 6 months.

can I just ask all the outspoken SAHMs (who do by the way come across as extremely defensive, whereas most working mums on this thread sound fairly sane) - do you realise how incredibly lucky you are to be able to afford to stay at home???

I haven't read the entire thread as it is very long and I'm sure views are polarised as they usually are in such a debate. I also take on board that for many parents there is no option to stay at home, much as they might like to and so can get irked by what they see as the sumugness of SAHMs.

BUT I think nursery care for children over 3 on a part time basis (say 20 hours per week) is fine and will prepare them for school etc. However I think that full time nursery care for children under 3 is not a good idea. Nurseries are institutions and ratio of children/carer is not as good as it should be.........I know it varies dependent on age but I think on average for babies it is 1 carer to 6 under 1 year olds.........that says it all really. The other thing is that children's physical needs are met in the nursery and some of their developmental needs e.g. structured play and nutritional food but their emotional needs are not met. It isn't possible to do this because there isn't the time and the staff (quite often young untrained girls) don't love the children in the way the parents do, which is quite understandable - it would be very odd if they did.

I think a lot of parents site all the good play equipment and activities etc but forget that a child's emotional needs are equally as important as the physical needs. Small children need an adult who loves them unconditionally and who is both physically and emotionally available to them if they are to fulfil their potential, especially under the age of 3 years. It isn't that long really and I sometimes wonder if parents shouldn't make sacrifices just for those 3 years.

If full time work is essential for both parents (and I accept that it often is these days) then I think the best option is a good childminder. It is a more "normal" kind of care (not institutionalised) by which I mean nappies are changed at 11.00 (say) and drinks given at 12.00 (say) this is the only way institutions can work.

There is a very good book by Steve Biddulph called "Raising Babies/ should under 3s go to nursery" and an even better one called "Why Love Matters" by Sue Gerhardt. I think those of you interested in this topic may find them useful.