To be annoyed that someone I know has described herself to someone else I know as a friend of mine, when actually I really don't like her?

[bibbitybobbitysantahat]

Come and laugh at me if you like but I am pissed off about this. Its hard to describe:

I know someone very vaguely but like her and think she is cool. Recently she has met an acquaintance of mine and they will be seeing a lot more of each other as they will be working together. So the woman I like and think is cool says to me today "I met R today, she said she is a friend of yours, you know she is coming to work here don't you?"

Well, R is no friend of mine, I really don't like her at all, actually. We have mutual friends and we go out in a group sometimes, but I don't even have her mobile number, I would never socialise with her were it not for this group connection. I think its very odd that she described herself as a friend of mine.

So, now, if cool likeable woman finds out that R is as much of a pita as I think she is, then she will mebbe think blimey, bibbity's a bit of an odd one, being friends with this loon.

Not much I can do about it but, still, fuckkit, I am annoyed.

YABU. "Friend" is a reasonably helpful shorthand. PITA can't reasonably have been expected to say to Cool "I know Bibbety; I woul describe her, to be precise, as somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance of mine; we go out sometimes in a group and chat but we don't have a huge amount in common. In fact I think the last conversation I had with her was..." Or not without Cool risking concussion from dozing off and falling off her chair, anyway.

If Cool does become friends with Pita, will Cool therefore become Less Cool or will Pita gain Coolness by association? And will they talk about you?

Does anyone else hear the theme tune to Grange Hill playing faintly in the background?
OP you've took the mickey taking very well!!

You have known her for 9 years and occasionally socialise together ( I assume you sit in the corner with the cool people and she sits with the other uncool people and the cool people snigger at the uncool people and whisper behind their hands )
Sorry , you are friends.
Yabu and tis must be a wind up.

You seem to really, really want cool person to like you.

Maybe dull girl doesn't like you either. If someone was in my social group and I realised we had a mutual acquaintance, I would describe them as a friend. Or say I knew them. Which would be taken as assuming we were friends. Most people use the term lightly.

I have friends I could call at 4am and friends who are more acquaintances - but to go divvying them up is a bit silly...

I was a bit like this a few years ago when I started a new job. I wanted to be in with the "cool" group and I felt that an acquaintance of mine who also worked there was not "cool" enough.

In the end, no-one thought I was "cool" as I was trying too hard.

How sad I was, and how I have learnt my lesson to be myself and not to try to impress people. I still cringe when I think of that time.

If people are going to like you, they will like you when they get to know you. If not, they won't.

Oh lol I have enjoyed you all getting on your high horses very much. Thanks for your input everyone. One thing I will say - this is not a wind up, its absolutely true! Obviously I am totally freakish and you all love everyone you know equally and don't mind people you don't like saying they are your friend. Bet you've all got 100s of friends on Facebook .

The other point I really want to put to bed is that I am in no way shape or form a social climber. How you can extrapolate that from what I've posted is beyond me.

Why didn't you just tell coolio that you weren't friends? then you wouldn#t have all the angst....not hard
coolio; X says shes a friend of yours, you know shes coming to work here?
bibbity; no, I didn't know that, i don't know her that well.

But now you're all "coolio won't like me if she thinks I'm friends with knobby X"
Which means a} you're far too worried about what coolio might think of you, b} you don't have a lot of faith in coolio to judge you on your own merits, c}you do, in fact, sound about 12.

What PrincessToadstool said.

otherwise it's a case of laugh or cry....place your bets.......

Nevermind 'cool, likeabele woman' thinking you are odd - we now all think you are odd, you loon

[falls off chair laughing]

[pick self up and prompty dissolves into laughter again]

see, this is why i find it hard to get on with most women... so many seem to find it so hard to grow up and leave the schoolyard nonsense behind

[wanders off still chuckling]

Bibbity, at least take comfort from the irony of this thread where everyone is calling you names and yet you are the childish one.

Yabu, but I too would want your friend to know that the ~pita is more of an aquaintence.

Yes, I love it that I am being called all sorts of names by the lovely nice tolerant group huggy wuggy collective that is Mumsnet. I love that .

Op - do you struggle to make friends?

I ask because you seem quite desparate for people to like you and quite hung up about what people will think of you. Am guessing that you care what people think of you anyway regardless of your association with the dull "friend."

Think about your attitude from the other perspective. Imagine you have a friend - well you know someone who you consider to be a friend. then one day you make the aquaintence of someone else who is also that person's friend. You talk about her and you say "oh yes, she's a friend of mine.", and you find out later that she is really quite pissed off that you've dared to refer to her as your friend because she considers you to be nothing of the sort. Moreover, she's afraid that she'll be associated with you. How would you feel about that?

It's ok to not like people. None of us likes everyone equally. But sometimes it also happens that some people may like you more than you like them or vice versa, and while you shouldn't be expected to invite them to a dinner party, a little consideration of other people does go a long way.

I'm assuming the dull "friend" hasn't actually done anything malicious or nasty to you, otherwise you'd have been quick to set the record straight. In which case, her personality (or seeming lack thereof), is not going to reflect on you as a person. So really there's no harm in her having referred to you as a friend.

Do think about the potential impact of your attitude on other people, also do think about how it makes you look as a person, because that kind of attitude really doesn't make you look "cool" at all, and most decent people would rather be friends with a slightly dull person, than a spiteful one.

i stuck up for you bibbity!!

oh no poo i didnt! hahahaha
i htought this was the other smug friend thread

Oh dear Wannabe. No, I am not desperate for people to like me! I am quite self contained. I don't have self esteem issues, particularly. I am not spiteful. As you say, its ok not to like people. The dull lady will never know that I find her dull because I would never purposefully set out to hurt her or make her feel bad. I was just sharing a secret thought because this is Mumsnet and you can do that sort of thing on here. I have plenty of rl friends and I do not want to be friends with the cool woman either. But thank you very much for taking so much trouble over your answer. If from now on you think I am spiteful or whatever then thats fine.

bibbity...I think you have been treated unfairly on this thread with people reading far more into this than is necessary.

Am I the only one who has picked up on bibbitybobbityhat's user name being from a song called Queen Bitch?

''She's so swishy in her satin and tat
In her frock coat
and bipperty-bopperty hat
Oh God, I could do better than that''

Bibs, not that I am calling you a bitch, nor nuffink...!

Bibbity I think you need to take immediate drastic action.

(What you could have done when Cool mentioned PITA saying you were friends, was tilt your head slightly and say Oh yes, we do know each other, and leave it at that. Then you look honourable and yet ever so slightly and necessarily distanced from said PITA).

But sadly you didn't so now you'll have to be drastic.

oh for goodness sake its tongue in cheek surely alot of posters taking this way too seriously! Dull people bring this on themselves by being dull.

I would say to the cool friend "yes I know R" but in quite a flat voice expressing no obvious enthusiasm but not actually criticising. Good luck

Ah bibs, its all gone a bit MN crazy....if you don't much like someone and don't want to be associated with them in other peoples minds, you MUST HAVE ISHHOOOS.

Tis annoying. You are a bit annoyed. You are not raging against the machine.

Perspective, ladies, perspective.

Yeah but no but.