Oh you cannae shove yer granny aff the bus

[PrammyMammy]

I need a change from the wheels on the bus!! If i need to sing it one more time today my head will burst. My ds is almost 2 and bus mad.
Can i sing him that?? Can i? It wouldn't be too bad, i mean we sung it when young and never pushed my daddy's mammy off the bus.

Ds is standing next to me pulling my arm shouting "BUS BUS BUS" as we speak. !

Oh you'll never get to heaven
On a roller skate
Coz you'll skate right past
Them pearly gates

My all time face is Ally Bally

"Tae buy some Coulter's Candy..."

that one? Aw, that reminds me of bedtime songs.

life is sweet

We had a slightly different version:

You'll never get to heaven
in a biscuit tin
cos the Lord won't let
those crummy ones in

And in guides we sang:

And you'll never get to heaven
on a playtex bra
Cos a playtext bra
won't stretch that far

lol!

Also

chips, chips, big as battleships in the stores.. in the stores

bananas, bananas, wearing silk pyjamas in the stores, in the stores

kippers, kippers, wearing frilly knickers in the stores, in the stores

My Dad taught me:

"Our cat's no hair on
no hair on
no hair on
Our cat's no hair on
it has to wear a wig"

Makes me snigger every time.

Galena - thanks, that's it

Ally bally ally bally bee
sittin oan yer mammys knee
greetin fir a wee ba' bee
tae buy some coulters candy

Thanks for bringing that one up, loved it.

Talking of candy.

Anyone remember Rockie bars?

Sorry for going off topic, but, I used to love them. Sadly not available now.

ANd one to sing at other kids using their names...
Oh [name] has got a bunion
And a face like a pickled onion
And a nose like a squashed tomato
ANd legs like match sticks!

And (spot the 1970s child) Georgie best! Superstar! Wears frilly knickers and a see-trhough bra!

Oh, we had a similar one,

"Oh (x) you are a funny 'un
Your face is a spanish onion
Your eyes are squashed tomatoes
And your legs are drumsticks"

Or, Have You See A Red Yo-yo?

(Think maybe only the 40-something Scottish contingent will know it. Come on - out yourselves!)

Our neighbour used to give us lifts and his favourites were Billy Connellly's crucifixtion monologue [I think] 'we are the roman's we hate the christians'. He could recite the whole routine practically. And a ditty that went
Woodbines a rare wee fag
Gi's a light, Gi's a light, Gi's a light
Woodbines a rare wee fag
If you're wanting cancer
Woodbines your answer
Woodbines a rare wee faaaaag!

Oh [name] is a funny one
Got a face like a pickled onion
A nose like a pickled onion
And feet like flat fish

DD used to love this, but always sang the last line like "flat flish".

This is in discussions of the day, i've just got online, if i'd come on earlier i might have saved myself from singing wheels on the bus 100 times lol. Loving the songs.
moshie i've hears one similar, goes like -

Ohh [name] your a braw yin
got a face like a pickled onion...

i can't remember the rest lol

gah! just had a flashback of a (pretty unsavoury) rhyme I used to sing at about 8/9 but I can only remember a line from it, like 'pull down your pants and paralyse the ants, diarrohea, diarrohea'... Think there was about 500 verses though. 'sitting on the grass, it's runnin out yer ae, diarrohea, diarrohea' just popped into my head! And there was another one....Down in Fraggle Rock, grab a fraggle by it's ck, Chuck it in the air, catch it by it's pubic hair, chuck it on the grass, stick a chainsaw up it's ae, turn the power on, now the fraggle's gone. Think my childhood rhymes were a bit more unsavoury, but I did grow up in Basildon......Mary had a little lamb, it followed her to a wedding, so she tied it to a post and kicked it's blimmin head in, was another one...

One man went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow.
One man and his dog, Spot,
Went to mow a meadow.
Two men went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow.
Two men, one man and his dog, Spot,
Went to mow a meadow.
etc

Or ...

One man went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow.
One man and his pet Pomeranian poodle pup, Spot,
Went to mow a meadow.

or ...

One man went to mow,
Went to mow a meadow.
One man and his supersonic sausage dog with rubber wellies on his sweaty feet,
Went to mow a meadow.

I learnt this one at school or a variation of it. I think it was the first 'risque' song that went round our year, we were thrilled with it

We are the geordie girls
We wear our hair in curls
we wear out dungarees
to show our sexy knees
one day the boy next door
he got me on the floor
he gave me 50p
to have it off with me
my mother was surprised
to see my tummy rise
my father jumped for joy
it was a baby boy.

Bandgeek - did your ten little angels song end:

One little angel, all dressed in white
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a kite.
But the kite-string was broken, and down she fell,
She couldn't get to heaven so she went to

• Now don't be mistaken, don't be misled,

She couldn't get to heaven, so she went

• TO BED!

GuimauveRoasting - was it this one (tune of Glory Glory Halleluya):

Jonny was a parachutist with the RAF
Jonny was a parachutist with the RAF
Jonny was a parachutist with the RAF
But he ain't gonna jump no moooooore!
Glory glory what a helluva way to die
Glory glory what a helluva way to die
Glory glory what a helluva way to die
And he ain't gonna jump no more!

He jumped from forty thousand feet without a parachute.

He'd packed his socks and underwear instead of a silken 'chute.

He landed on the runway like a blob of strawberry jam.

They scraped him off the tarmac with a spatula and spoon.

They put him in an evelope and sent him home to mum.

She put him on the mantelpiece beside his dear old dad.

He fell into the fire and was burnt right to a crisp.

One from childhood...

Mary had a little lamb, it got a little silly, she threw it up into the air and caught it by it's..

Willy was a watch dog lying in the grass, down came a bumble bee and stung it on the..

Ask no questions, tell no lies, have you ever seen a china man playing with his..

Flies are a nuisance, bees are worse, that is the end of my very clean verse.

second verse...

Some say that he died of a fever
Some say that he died of a fit
But I know damn well what he died of
He died of the smell of the Sh-INe your buttons with Brasso etc....

Oh there are some familiar favourites here (as a guide leader I try to keep a lot of them going for the next generations.

For 5 Little Angels, once we have gone down to 1 angel, we begin again with:
5 Little devils all dressed in red,
Trying to get to Heaven on the end of a bed,
But the bedpost was broken,
Down they all fell,
Instead of going to Heaven, they all went to
4 little devils...

In Brownies, we always had great fun with the puking ones:
Mary had some marmalade and Mary had some jam,
Mary had some oyster sauce and Mary had some spam,
Mary had some lemonade and also ginger beer,
And Mary wondered what it was that made her feel so queer.
Bleugh came the marmalade
And bleugh came the spam...

3 chocolate eclairs sitting on a plate

Baby bumblebee
I've got a little baby bumblebee,
Won't my mummy be surprised with me,
Oh I've got a little baby bumblebee
Oooh-Ee my bee stung me.

I'm squishing up my little...I'm all sticky
I'm licking up my little...my bee's in me
I'm bringing up my little...there's my bee
I'm digging up my little...where's my bee?
I'm looking for my little... I've lost my bee!

And another one from my Brownie childhood, which sounds far too wrong these days:

I wear my pink pyjamas in the summer when it's hot,
I wear my flannel nightie in the winter when it's not,
And sometimes in the springtime and sometimes in the fall,
I jump into my little bed with nothing on at all.

That's the time you ought to see me,
That's the time you ought to see me,
That's the time you ought to see me,
When I jump into my little bed with nothing on at all!

Funny, but the almost 2yr old in the opening post, will be almost 7yrs old now.

There was another verse to 'Ye cannae shove yer granny aff a bus.'

It went, "Ahm no Hairy Mary, ahm yer ma,
Ahm no Hairy Mary ahm yer ma
Ahm no Hairy Mary, Ahm yer fayther's fairy,
Ahm no Hairy Mary ahm yer ma."

And at Uni a Scottish boyfriend taught me the posh version:-
(Miss Jean Brodie accent...)

       "Aym not Hirsute Margaret,  aym your Mater,
        Aym not Hirsute Margaret,  aym your Mater,
        Aym not Hirsute Margaret, aym your Pater's target,
        Aym not Hirsute Margaret, aym your Mater."

My classes (naughty things) used to love this:-

Skinny Malinky Longlegs and Big Banana Feet
Went to the pictures and couldnae find a seat.
When the picture started, Skinny Malinky farted.
Skinny Malinky Longlegs and Big Banana Feet.

I foolishly let them sing it as long as the Bad Word was only whispered.
Naturally they hollered it out as loudly as possible. I used to pray the Head hadn't heard.

Tea for for, he's got her on the floor, it was.

We used to sing "The bomb went rolling down the street, parlez-vous", which was probably the original version.