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Original poster

Oh you cannae shove yer granny aff the bus

106 replies

PrammyMammy · 10/12/2009 15:11

I need a change from the wheels on the bus!! If i need to sing it one more time today my head will burst. My ds is almost 2 and bus mad.
Can i sing him that?? Can i? It wouldn't be too bad, i mean we sung it when young and never pushed my daddy's mammy off the bus.

Ds is standing next to me pulling my arm shouting "BUS BUS BUS" as we speak. !

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 11/12/2009 17:56

LOL aunty mary had a canary up the leg o'her drawers. live that wee song.ma dad used to sing it - we all squealed with delight as it always felt kinda dirty

MrsMuddle · 11/12/2009 18:00

Not really a lullaby type of children's song - more a guide camp or drunken dad type of children's song.

blackteaplease · 11/12/2009 18:00

I don't know MrsMuddle I can only remember those two lines, maybe I should email my dad and ask him.

blackteaplease · 11/12/2009 18:03

No need to ask my dad, google is my friend

My Granny's in the cellar
I'm surprised ye cannae smell her
Making biscuits on a damned old dirty stove
In her eye there is some matter
That keeps dripping in the batter
And she whistles as the [sniff] runs down her nose

LastOfTheMulledWine · 11/12/2009 18:12

Ooh this thread brings back some memories.

We liked...

There's a hole in my bucket dear Liza etc
Don't jump off the roof day, you'll make a hole in the yard...
My eyes are dim I cannot see, I have not bought my specs with me (Quartermasters stores I think)

pollmeister · 11/12/2009 18:41

PrettyCandles...We used to sing the "covered in sh.....shine up your buttons with Brasso" song on school coach trips! Oh happy days. (although we substituted Woolies with Tesco) It went on and on.
What about Inky Pinky Parle vous?
There was an old lady of 92 Parlez Vous
There was an old lady of 92 parlez vous
There was an old lady of 92, did a fart and off it flew.
Inky Pinky parlez vous.
..continued for about 8 smutty verses.

FlyMeToDunoon · 11/12/2009 18:55

Oh you'll never get to heaven...
We continued
'there are three things you must not do,
You must not smoke or spit or chew
There are three things you must not do
You must not smoke or spit or chew
I ain't gonna grieve my lord no more'

Oh you'll never get to heaven in an old Ford car,
Cos an old Ford car won't get that far.

If you get to heaven before I do,
just bore a hole and pull me through

Another favourite for the car was:
There was eggs, eggs standing on their legs
In the store, in the store.
There ham, ham greetin for it's mam
In the quarter master's store

My eyes are dim I cannot see
I have not brought my specs with me
I have not brought my specs with me
or [I left them in the WC]

Then lots of other made up verses
Happy memories!

bandgeek · 11/12/2009 19:05

Oh, I remembered another school trip one!

Ten little angels all dressed in white
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a kite
And the kite string broke and down they all fell,
Instead of going to heaven, they all went to..
NINE little angels etc etc

Or In the Store!

We had millions of verses that were quite local, one verse I remember is

There was cheese, cheese, with kilts and hairy knees, in the stooore, in the stoore
There was cheese, cheese, with kilts and hairy knees in the Quarter Master Store

My eyes are dim I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with me
I hve not brought my specs with me

The teachers must hve been trying to throw themselves out the window

bandgeek · 11/12/2009 19:07

Just saw FlyMeToDunoons post, there must be about a billion verses of that song out there!

Granny23 · 11/12/2009 19:31

My Granny's in the cellar has the chorus 'Give me that Home Cookin'......

I have adopted it as my theme song

Geocentric · 11/12/2009 19:41

Another verse of the store one:

There were rats, rats, big as alley cats
In the store, in the store...

One that used to reeeeaaaalllly annoy me when I was a guide leader was 'Green go the Rushes, oh!'

'Ten green bottles' when I was a child in the UK. Later, at my American international school, they sang:
'X bottles of beer on the wall' instead...

Can anyone remember how many feet long was uncle Billy's willy? Y'know,
"my uncle Billy had a XX foot willy
and he showed it to the girl next door
she picked up a rake
'cause she thought it was a snake
and now its only XX foor four"

foxinsocks · 11/12/2009 19:42

aaah school coach trip songs

we used to sing

there were 10 in the bed and the little one said
roll over roll over
so they all rolled over and one fell out
he banged his head and gave a shout
please remember, to tie a knot in your pyjamas
single beds were only made for
1..2...3..4..(however many were left...v tedious song really)

and a song about mary and a lamb..can't remember it all (your children would probably need to be a bit older for this one lol)

mary had a little lamb
she thought it rather silly
she threw it up in to the air and caught it by its
willy was a watchdog
lying in the grass
along came a bumblebee and stung him on the
ask no questions
tell no lies
I saw the vicar
doing up his
flies are a nuisance
fleas are worse
and this is the end
of my silly little verse

foxinsocks · 11/12/2009 19:43

I love the granny shoving song. Had never heard that one!

GrimmaTheNome · 11/12/2009 19:49

DD was very pleased with a new 'coach song' she'd learned:

"We've got a song to get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves,
We've got a song to get on your nerves and it goes like this..."

repeat ad infinitum.

I am proud to say I ruined it for her by joining in loudly and enthusiastically and continuing beyond what she could stand.

GuimauveRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2009 20:20

Fox, I remember similar:

Mary had a baby, she named it Sonny-Jim
She threw him in the bathtub to teach him how to swim
He swam to the bottom, he swam to the top
And then he got excited so she grabbed him by the
Cockles, mussels, 20p a jar
And if you do not like them, then stick them up your arse
Ask no questions, tell no lies
Have you ever seen a copper, doing up his flies

And Pollmeister, for Inky Pinky I vaguely remember:

The fart went rolling down the street, and knocked a copper off his feet...
The copper got out his water pistol and shot the fart from here to Bristol...
Bristol Rovers playing at home kicked the fart from here to Rome

and then, inexplicably:

Judy Simpson drinking gin, opened her mouth and the fart popped in...

What poor Judy did to deserve that, I don't know!
Poor, poor teachers having to put up with these.
A couple of days ago my DH was singing 'Sergeant Major jumped from 40,000 feet' to our DS (8mo), but I never knew the words to that!

playftseforme · 11/12/2009 20:22

foxinsocks - were you on my school trips?

foxinsocks · 11/12/2009 20:25

lol, we are probably a similar age!

I love all of these, the mary variation is great guimauve

MumGoneCrazy · 11/12/2009 20:36

I got told off on a school trip when i was 10 for teaching my friends a verse my granddad taught me when i was about 8

Granny and Grancha went down a dark hole
Granny set fire to Grancha's asshole
"oh granny oh granny you set me alight"
"oh grancha oh grancha you gave me a fright"

I think thats right I havent thought about it in over ten years

HairyToe · 11/12/2009 21:14

a whole website full!

MissM · 11/12/2009 21:19

No-one's mentioned 'Roll me over in the clover', or maybe it was just at my school. Something like:
This is number one and we've only just begun
Roll me over lay me down and do it again

Roll me over, in the clover
Roll me over lay me down and do it again (I like the feel of it)

And so on and so on up to number 10 I think. I used to think it was sooooo rude.

galletti · 11/12/2009 21:25

Oh Gosh, this all reminds me of the rhyme we all made up as children when leaving our grandparents house. We would come out of the car park and see them waving, and our song was ......

Wave bye bye to Nana, and she'll be waving too, and don't forget poor old pa, standing waving too. Ok, that was the the one we told them.

Ours was Wave bye bye ............ and don't forget poor old pa sitting on the loo!

Erm, whar I am trying to say here without much success is make up rhymes to favourite tunes and your little one will love them and remember them for ever - Ia am now 46, and it still brings a smile/tear every so often.

mafog · 11/12/2009 22:31

Heaven song-

If you get there
Before I do
Just dig a little hole
and pull me through

If I get there
Before you do
I'll dig a little hole
and pee on you

nowbringussomeJammypudding · 11/12/2009 22:41

On coach trips we used to sing

Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut yesterday. Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut yesterday.

Cracked it open, cracked it open, racked it open yesterday. Cracked it open, cracked it open, cracked it open yesterday.

It was mouldy, it was mouldy...

You get the gist, I won't add in all the repetition but subsequent verses went

Still I ate it, still I ate it...
Gave me tummyache....
Went to the doctor...
Called an ambulance...
Went to the hospital...
Had an operation...
Died in the hospital...
Went to heaven...
Guess what I found there...
Found a peanut...

nowbringussomeJammypudding · 11/12/2009 22:44

Oh and a friend taught me this when we were about 10!

Tea for one, my story's just begun
Tea for two, I'm telling it to you
Tea for three, his hand is on her knee,
Tea for four, (can't remember)
Tea for five, his hand is on her thigh,
Tea for six, he's pulling down her knicks,
Tea for seven, she thought she'd gone to heaven,
Tea for eight, the doctor's rather late,
Tea for nine, the twins are doing fine,
Tea for ten they're doing it again.

scottishmummy · 11/12/2009 22:49

anyone mentioned jeely piece song ma granny sang that to me as a wean