To feel upset that my husband doesn't appreciate my hard work?

[bigbadmom]

I've spent all day preparing for our house move tomorrow. I've been racing around sorting out bank transfers, buying bubble wrap, getting keys cut, packing box after box, wiping my 1 year old's nose and wiping my 3 year old's shit off the bathroom floor whilst 1 year old is pulling things OUT of the boxes I've just packed....
All pretty normal moving-house stuff.
DH is at work and has been since 7am. Pretty cushty job on St James's (Piccadilly), albeit probably slightly stressful and macho at times. But let's just say he manages to keep up with most of the national press in impressive detail.
I still haven't had a shower today, nor have I had time to put make up on.
I don't mind about any of these things, but when my husband comes home he firstly gets straight into the bath with the 3 year old. The 1 year old is already in bed. I ask if he might put said 3 year old to bed. He gets cross and says "I work hard all day and then I come home and am expected to do more"....also says "it would help if you knew how to pack boxes" (I haven't tucked the side flaps in correctly, it turns out) and starts banging about in "look at me having to correct my inept wife's mistakes" manner, throwing books to the floor etc and generally throwing his weight about in huge huff.
Hmm...he's come down...verdict please?

Thanks and sorry for ranting!

YANBU

Did your day start at the same time as his? Did you get a lunch hour?
Did you have time sitting on a train reading the paper?
Are you being paid?

YANBU.

HAve you told him all this?

YANBU

I would not to do one more thing related to packing and would leave it to the expert, I seriously would be so angry at his attitude.

YANBU, he's being an ar*e and probably knows it.

Time for him to apologise I reckon!

Yanbu.
He's being an arse.

Tell him yes you expect him to help out, his house his house move, his dc his dcs bedtime. Dear god why do they just not get this? How would it be if you had been out of the house at work all day? You'd still be expected to do dcs baths etc.

what stopped you from bashing the nearest box on his head ?

I would have reacted fairly badly to this, it almost certainly would have been violent! he is being very unreasonable.

YANBU.

Trying to pack a house up with a 1 week old baby?! Impossible. What a dick.

Personally, I would take it upon myself to pack his beloved Blackberry/ keys/wallet in assorted boxes in a frenzy of thorough packing tonight and see how happy he is in the morning!

Thanks.

I am glad I am not being unreasonable here.

He is the absolute master of making me feel about "this" (imagine very tiny spot) small.

I'd like to say that I don't think that this is what he intends but unfortunately I know that this is EXACTLY what he intends!

Yes quite right about women and work and bath times...

Latest comment

HIM: What is it? Am I in the doghouse now or something?"

ME: "It would just be nice if you could appreciate my hard work"

HIM: "What hard work? (Looks pretty annoyed)

(I point around kitchen and living room trying to show him boxes, clean surfaces, empty drawers ETC)

HIM: "I just thought that when we moved it would be a chance to organise everything together, you know, lampshades with lampshades and things"

ME: I tried my best, honestly. Sorry.

(It really ISN'T that bad, I know what good packing looks like and whilst I am not laying claim to any supreme skills, it is far from a disgrace. Neatly arranged etc etc. Everything packed up).

HIM: I suppose I just have very high standards.

(Let's not remember the fact that he managed to book the suspended parking bay for the wrong day DESPITE my sending him an email with every single detail in it, or that he left his wallet at work over the weekend and thus couldn't get into work to nick a few boxes as promised.)

ARISAHGIHIORSGHIOH!!!

(Attempt at angry sound above).

Thanks MNetters. X

You move. Leave him behind.

put him in a box marked "rubbish husband" and take it to the local tip

Postscript: He works in Mayfair in a swanky office on the corner of Piccadilly and St James's. He has a secretary, an elegant office overlooking the Royal Academy and tasteful coffee table books in reception. He has posh biscuits and fresh coffee on demand. In short - HIS DAY IS NOTHING LIKE MINE. (Quote "You're not the only one who works hard you know. I toil as well"). I am not saying that it isn't stressful - I am sure that seeing his little ticker drop down a couple of points on his Bloomberg screen might be worrying at times, or contemplating the possibility that Arsenal might lose their next away game, or that his colleague Stefan the sweaty German might get a bigger bonus that him next year...but the bottom line is...he is not exactly sweating it, is he?

Is there any defense for this behaviour? Am I just an incompetent housewife? What the f--- am I doing here anyway..?

Can anyone relate to me when I say that it is hard enough believing in myself as a good wife and mother without his negative comments?

Thanks MNetters x

Thanks once more.

That is very funny.

Yes I might have to leave him here and bugger off with all our capital. Not a bad plan actually. Apparently Goa is nice at this time of year!

You shouldn't have said "I tried my best, honestly. Sorry."

You should have shouted "Fuck you, you arsehole, you can do the rest of the fucking packing yourself"

Apologies, but I am apopleptic on your behalf.

He didn't even take a day off work the day before you move house? What a complete ARSE!!!

Do you remember that telly programme where they made partners swap with one-another so the paid worker had to do the unpaid work and vice-versa? They should resurrect that one and he and thee should be first in line to participate.... Some men lack imagination and many have vastly inflated egos. Sounds like he suffers from both of these conditions.

I couldn't look after a 1yo and a 3yo on my own all day even if I had nothing else to do!

HIM: "I just thought that when we moved it would be a chance to organise everything together, you know, lampshades with lampshades and things"

ME: "Well- now's your chance wanker."

I'll be Xenia now... "Go back to work. Hire a removal company that do all the packing too." And see how he manages without you home all day.

I cannot abide macho self-important big money earning twats like this! Really, he has got me raging. And my dh does have a touch of the workaholic about him but he would never NEVER dare talk to me like that or think he is any way better than me because he has got the means to earn the fucking money!

He sounds like an arrogant nasty twat TBH am quite on your behalf!!
Would you like us to come over and do a communal H re-education!!

Oh god I love you all.

Yes, perhaps that going-back-to-work-moment has finally arrived.

Let's wish him all the best with the more fragile ego lampshades.

You're the best girls!

Let's open the rioja then shall we?

his posh office and earning power is of no relevance here

he is a dick and should be told so

am surprised you still seem to have a sense of humour about it, OP

I would have lost mine a long time ago, if this is a represetative example of his lack of respect for you

The correct response is:

"Thank you for setting me straight, oh wise and benevolent husband. I fear though that my feeble efforts have fallen far short of your high standards and entreat you to show me how it's done. I shall sit here and watch your every move as you pack every single box by yourself. Thank you so much for helping me to see the error of my ways."

Alternatively just give him a demonstration of how much stuff can be packed into his various orifices - starting with his arsehole.

What is it with men/bedtimes/houses/children etc????

(I've removed my small rant, but its equally 'why can't men do a bit more and see what's being done without them seeing it....')