To feel upset that my husband doesn't appreciate my hard work?

[bigbadmom]

I've spent all day preparing for our house move tomorrow. I've been racing around sorting out bank transfers, buying bubble wrap, getting keys cut, packing box after box, wiping my 1 year old's nose and wiping my 3 year old's shit off the bathroom floor whilst 1 year old is pulling things OUT of the boxes I've just packed....
All pretty normal moving-house stuff.
DH is at work and has been since 7am. Pretty cushty job on St James's (Piccadilly), albeit probably slightly stressful and macho at times. But let's just say he manages to keep up with most of the national press in impressive detail.
I still haven't had a shower today, nor have I had time to put make up on.
I don't mind about any of these things, but when my husband comes home he firstly gets straight into the bath with the 3 year old. The 1 year old is already in bed. I ask if he might put said 3 year old to bed. He gets cross and says "I work hard all day and then I come home and am expected to do more"....also says "it would help if you knew how to pack boxes" (I haven't tucked the side flaps in correctly, it turns out) and starts banging about in "look at me having to correct my inept wife's mistakes" manner, throwing books to the floor etc and generally throwing his weight about in huge huff.
Hmm...he's come down...verdict please?

Thanks and sorry for ranting!

I have always preferred 'slightly complicated' to 'arrogant nasty twat' but now I am not so sure.

We've had councilling and it all comes back to his childhood - father an alcoholic, family culture of upholding highest standards to try to take attention away from alcoholic dad, leads to massive distrust on part of DH in anyone, pretty much...hard to let people in, always scared of being disappointed, fragile ego etc.

But we've BEEN THROUGH THIS before.

And am I just meant to spend next 20 years feeling faintly shit about myself?

NB: He wasn't a high roller when we got together, or when we married. This is a more recent development. And actually he has always behaved like this, even when a junior accountant at big city firm. Rather arrogant and superior...

check yourself and children into a hotel with spa and order some nice meals (and wine for you)

he can get well afford get some external packers in to do packing. take strain off you

YES I AGREE.

Perhaps CCTV is the answer.

But then it's more about them not WANTING to see, isn't it?

Maybe they all feel deeply sorry for themselves.

Or maybe they're all just secret woman-haters!

I would take great delight in unpacking each box in front of his eyes

Then leaving him with the kids while I went to visit a friend, got pissed and was in no fit state to help with the big move tomorrow

He is being horrid If he is a big accountant with a big annual bonus, perhaps he should pay for some professional packers to help you or someone to look after the children for a few days so that you can concentrate on the packing!

Actually the more I think about it the more and I am, I find it hard work to look after my 2 year old all day, I do nothing else, and cant do any hosuework the house is a tip by the time she goes to bed!

I cannot imagine being able to look after a 3yr old and a 1yr old all day AND manage to pack anything at all - respect to you, i think you are bloody amazing!!

I have quite a fiery temper and suspect I would have started upending boxes over him by now - sort the fecking lightshades FFS

Show him this thread!

dont wait on his approval,call and book packers. you and the dc decant to a nice hotel

you can easily afford the packers,so start flexing the cards

no, leave the kids with him

he should sweat it too

leave the kids in the plush office in piccadilly?wont they drool on the desk?ach sure he drools on the desk too

sorry to swear but what a fucking cunt.

op don't let him treat you like that, as it will get worse

bigbadmom,do you have nanny or anyone to help you out?alternatively hire agency nanny to watch children you do packing

Brilliant.

I think I will leave DS with him tomorrow (DD does 9-3 in nursery tomorrow) and get him to do the whole s___ lot.

Thanks all.

Night night.

Feel a lot better now.

Gotta learn to stand up for myself.

Really helpful having this forum.

He's being an arsehole, but this is what can happen to you when you allow yourself to become someone's domestic slave. Particularly the domestic slave of a "nasty arrogant twat" (your words). I'm surprised that you sound surprised.

He is being a complete idiot.

WHy are you packing, why arent you using a removal company, when he has a plush job and you have two young DCs?

My DH can be a bit similar (ie a bit of selfishm umappreciative arse) and I have been feeling singularly depressed about it today, so you have my sympathy in bucket loads.

I would tell him to bugger off, get the packers in, or tell DH to do it, and get down to your local spa tomorrow for a relaxing day...

bigbagmom, your pants are on fire, love

And I have to say, this description

"seeing his little ticker drop down a couple of points on his Bloomberg screen might be worrying at times, or contemplating the possibility that Arsenal might lose their next away game, or that his colleague Stefan the sweaty German might get a bigger bonus that him next year...but the bottom line is...he is not exactly sweating it, is he?"

makes you sound like you feel absolute contempt for him. Perhaps he is sweating it a little bit - someone is paying the bills and it's not you is it?

sorry, bigbadmom

are you inferring this is a wind up/embellished?

Wheeee, you sound like me a few years ago. I finally got so fed up I kicked him out, read his mum the riot act and basically behaved like a maniac. I told him I didn't need him, since I had raised the kids alone while he was working and did everything around the house to suit my own standards, I was happy, and HE obviously didn't think I was good enough, so he should go out there and find some other girl who could cook and clean to his high standards. Of course, he flew into a rage and left but I STUCK TO MY GUNS and he came creeping back with his tail between his legs. Alas! (kidding!)

Years later, we are doing okay. You need to be strong. He can be trained, it just takes time! And NO apologizing or crying! Hold the tears till you're with a friend. Meanwhile, keep writing, start a ranting blog or something to let off steam.

sm, I am inferring that bbm will not swan off tomorrow, leaving her dh with young son to sort out the move on his own

but I hope she got some support from this thread, cos he sounds like an egotistical twat

show him this thread

some of the kick 'im in the chuckles/disembowel him etc advice is a bit daft and lots of aint no waaaaaaaaaaaaaay I'd put up with that sister

realistically,it isnt going to happen is it!but her dh is affluent,bbm can flex the cards and do herself a favour

and long term bbm needs to decide what she wants to do.

less hyperbole
more relationship therapy
more 1:1 therapy for him

Why on earth are you packing? Get the movers to do it for you surely, especially with 2 young kids.

He sounds like an arse btw.

Just stop doing stuff. That's the only way he'll realise how much you do. Go on strike! It is supposed to be the new Winter of Discontent after all.

I used to be a secretary for a man like that, and I always felt sorry for his wife because at least I got rid of him at 5pm.

all this show im who is boss by being stroppy sister is mince

op: get packers in.you can afford it
take children out for fun day- you can afford it

he comes back packing done

next you tackle attitude and your mutual dislike/discontent of each other (after the packing and move)