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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bin SIL's Xmas card she sent to us?

48 replies

ssd · 07/12/2009 19:15

I know that sounds mean but she doesn't bother with us or the kids all year then she sends us a card as she like to do what is seen as the right thing.

she has no time for my kids (they are the only kids in the whole family) and generally avoids us and shows no interest

so her card went in the bin, I thought bugger her

so AIBU?

BTW I love Xmas, just not her and dh wouldn't notice it is in the bin if his life depended on it.....

OP posts:

totalmadness · 07/12/2009 19:17

yanbu why bother at christmas if you don't care the rest of the year?

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 07/12/2009 19:17

YABU - you should have put it in the recycling

Flightattendant · 07/12/2009 19:20

Hmm not sure without backstory...but fwiw my sis and I don't speak since over a year ago - she had a go at me about something vague and that was that.

The only time we are in touch is on birthdays and at Christmas. It's like a way abck into a relationship, for us - I hope so, anyway.

They send us stuff with a simple message in the card, and I send them something nice as well. It's bridge building and pretty much the only way we can get on at the moment...

sounds like a different set up between you and her though.

Brunettelady · 07/12/2009 19:21

I only see my SIL about twice a year. She also shows no interest in DS anytime except the rare times she sees him. She only gives cards because she feels she has to. She frequently moans about the cost of cards and what a waste of money they are. I don't really appreciate a card from her as I know she doesn't really want to give it. She even begrudges giving her mum a mothers day card!

So no YANBU. I understand how you feel.

Doodlez · 07/12/2009 19:22

Give over - you love your kids but that doesn't mean the rest of the world has to!

Everyone sends Christmas cards and then forgets people for the rest of the year.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 07/12/2009 19:23

agree with doodlez, what an utter weirdo you must be to expect people to pay penance with your children all year for the privilege of sending YOU a card.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 07/12/2009 19:29

Agree with Doodlez

notanumber · 07/12/2009 19:30

Look, if you're going to be fuming everytime the blinking thing catches your eye, then the answer is pretty obvious.

Just stick the card in the bin and foget about it. 'Tis only a card after all, not worth getting yourself in a tizz over. Bin it then forget it and get on with Christmas.

Whether you're being loony or not, you need to do the thing that will cause you the least stress.

It's not like she'll know if you never see her anyway, is it?

TinselianAstra · 07/12/2009 19:32

Do you only accept Chritsmas cards from people if they fulfil some minimum amount of contact the rest of the year?

RainRainGoAway · 07/12/2009 19:33

Is there a brother amongst all the animosity? Is his name on the card?

Out of interest, if this was a BIL would you be as outraged by the lack of interest over your DCs etc? I really do expect absolutely jack-shit from mine and a card would be like an alternate universe exploding! Is it just because she is your SIL?

alwayslookingforanswers · 07/12/2009 19:34

agree with Doodlez.

If your house is anything like mine by the end of term there'll be so many cards that you wouldn't even haev noticed that one among the rest.

Original poster

ssd · 07/12/2009 19:47

doodlez, shes not the rest of the world she's their aunt who doesn't give a shit

OP posts:

Original poster

ssd · 07/12/2009 19:50

and aitch what the bloody hell are you on about?

anyway, its in the bin

OP posts:

LetThereBeRock · 07/12/2009 20:02

Again I agree with Doodlez. She's their aunt not their mother. She isn't obligated to want to spend the time with them that you think she should.

notanumber · 07/12/2009 20:08

There's obviously more going on here than her sending a Christmas card.

You really don't like her, and I'm assuming that there is a long convoluted backstory.

You haven't really elaborated on it though, so it does seem a little extreme on the basis of the facts you have given us. After all, I send cards to tens of people I don't contact for the other 364 days of the year. That's what Christmas cards are for.

But this is all irrelevant.

You really dislike her. She's sent you a card. When you look at the card it reminds you of her which you really don't like. So you have thrown the card in the bin. The end.

Now just calm down. What's the point in getting your knickers in a twist about it over strangers on an internet forum?

If you want people to support your actions then perhaps you should give more details about your grievance against her. Otherwise, you've got rid of it and you feel better, so just let people think you're a loon and forget about the whole thing.

PrincessToadstool · 07/12/2009 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 07/12/2009 20:14

lol, ssd. you fraek.

will you be sending her a card, btw?

PrincessToadstool · 07/12/2009 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paisleyleaf · 07/12/2009 20:38

I agree with notanumber, that that is what christmas cards are for....people you don't see much, or at all, all year.
I feel silly giving out cards to people I see all the time and over the christmas period.
Why do you dislike her?

cat64 · 07/12/2009 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

5Foot5 · 07/12/2009 20:50

Another agreeing with Doodlez.

We send and receive loads of cards every year with people we hardly ever see but it is a way of maintaining some contact.

I don't know why you specifically don't like your SIL but from your post it sounds like it is because she doesn't take much interest in your kids. Also, since you say they are the only kids in the family, I assume she doesn't have any herself yet.

Thinking back to my pre-parenthood days I have to say that when you don't have any yourself, other people's kids are not always fascinating to be around. One of DH's siblings had a child a few years before us and although we made a fuss of him when we saw him we didn't spend a great deal of time with them. Our interests and lifestyles just didn't correspind. I don't think it is at all unusual for people without kids to feel like that.

When we had one of our own and our other siblings had children at roughly the same time it was quite different.

duke748 · 07/12/2009 20:55

Agree with Doodlez. How horrible you sound!

paisleyleaf · 07/12/2009 20:57

If it's just that "doesn't bother" with you and you DCs - have you been making an effort to be involved in whatever she's doing?

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2009 20:58

It is annoying when family members don't pay any attention to your kids - but chucking a card out (and the hostility underneath it) will NOT help. Maybe she is one of those people who don't bother with kids until they have their own. Sucks, but it won't help that your are getting inordinately pissed off about it.

And you said that your dh would never in a million years notice, so perhaps she has been ignored for a long time too.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2009 21:00

How very odd.

There must be more to this surely?

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