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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking attending weddings is just blardy hard work?

86 replies

littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 12:44

i've been to a few recently and am struck by how much hard graft the whole thing is from start to finish.

You journey for hours to the bride's hometown in god knows where. expected to book two nights accommodation, buy pricey present, standup, sitdown, wait around tired and hungry for hours.
You don't get to choose what you want to eat, drink or people you sit next to.

many guests don't know hardly anyone else and it all gets so expensive (good £300 per big do these days)

im happy for friends who've found love and want to see them get hitched but all the boring hours bar the vows and party I find tedious and ive started to dread invites..

AIBU?

OP posts:
famishedass · 07/12/2009 12:45

Let me guess, you didn't have a wedding yourself

tethersend · 07/12/2009 12:50

YANBU.

They are all the same.

ImSoNotTelling · 07/12/2009 12:55

YANBU i always dread them as I'm antisocial and lazy, but I usually have a good time once I get there

Original poster
littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 12:57

do people insist on having big white do's just because they had to sit thru them themselves??

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 07/12/2009 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lolapoppins · 07/12/2009 13:01

It's the faffing around trying to buy something to wear before hand that really gets me down. I hate shopping.

onepieceoflollipop · 07/12/2009 13:01

Yeah, it'd be better if people just texted you to say "We are getting married tomorrow. Meet us in Mcdonalds after, just wear your jeans. We'll buy everyone a big mac meal"

they could then send a follow up text saying "if any1 wants to get us a present just buy us an apple pie for pudding"

oldwoman · 07/12/2009 13:02

It can be very hard work, yes. I am very selective about the weddings I attend now.

I went to one last week, was great. Number of guests = 9 so that's why.

sleepy123 · 07/12/2009 13:03

yanbu. My cousin is getting married in ireland next year and it will cost us the same as going abroad.

Squishabelle · 07/12/2009 13:03

YANBU Weddings really are the most boring events ever; and expensive to attend.

TinselianAstra · 07/12/2009 13:05

I like going t weddings. Maybe I haven't been to enough to be as jaded as you lot.

FimbleHobbs · 07/12/2009 13:10

It depends on the wedding. I've been to great ones where the bride and groom want to make it easy and enjoyable for their guests to be part of their special day. I've also been to ones where the bride and groom seemingly just want a set of well-controlled spectators. Thats when the whole buying clothes, taking time off work, buying a present, etc starts to grate.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2009 13:13

YANBU.

Most weddings are a buzzkill.

Having kids means having a handy excuse not to go.

paisleyleaf · 07/12/2009 13:15

Some and some.
I like them better if they're near enough to do it in one day.
But some are like a dark shadow looming on the calendar.
It depends on the sort of wedding.

Original poster
littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 13:19

Best wedding ive been to was an informal registry office, then buffet at pub. Relaxed, informal, FUN.
If most people agree on this why do so many insist on a massive do? so boring and expensive.

OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 07/12/2009 13:24

"ones where the bride and groom seemingly just want a set of well-controlled spectators"

I think that's the difference - some weddings are fun, but the overplanned ones are just not enjoyable to attend and are therefore a chore.

Fruitysunshine · 07/12/2009 13:28

I would hate it if my guests thought so horribly about my wedding.

I took so much time trying to provide a lovely menu that would tantalise them, entertainment that would show them a good time in the evening and a standard of service where they felt looked after by the venue staff. We provided everything for them including accommodation so nobody would be out of pocket.

If I thought my guests were complaining about how much hassle it was I would have saved myself £12,000 and buggered off abroad with DH on our own. I thought our friends and family would genuinely want to share in our happiness.

nickelbabe · 07/12/2009 13:34

it does depend in the wedding!

so YANBU & YABU!

i've been to some very very lovely weddings where i had a great time and i've been to some weddings where i just felt like a spare part there to make up the numbers.

the best weddings are where the bride and groom have thought about the guests. you know, where there isn't too much standing around waiting, too much sitting around listening to boring speeches, where the food has been catered for different wants and needs, where the entertainment is just right for all ages and where they don't expect you to have to talk to people you don't know.

i'm hoping to get that kind of vibe when i finally do it!

thighsmadeofcheddar · 07/12/2009 13:36

I love going to weddings. Nice food, lots of friends, dressed up and a hotel.

I also like being there to watch/support my friends/family get married.

Bonsoir · 07/12/2009 13:43

I've been to some fabulous weddings and to some really tedious ones. As FimbleHobbs so insightfully pointed out, it really does depend on whether the bride and groom care about their guests enjoying themselves or whether they are only interested in the spectacle they are putting on!

cat64 · 07/12/2009 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cathers · 07/12/2009 13:51

YANBU. Certainly the most recent weddings we have been to have cost us not much short of £500 ( 2 nights accommodation and food, outfits, wedding presents, travel and drinks there!)
Usually stressful and unsuitable for the kids trying to keep them quiet for hours at a time and entertained.
Find them v.boring and have now started avoiding them and booking a nice weekend break for miserable o'l me and family with the saved cash! BRILL

Docbunches · 07/12/2009 14:03

YANBU. I have been to dozens over the years and can count on one hand how many I've actually enjoyed.

I also can't be doing with all the control freakiness that goes with it..... eg, no kids allowed or cash-only gift requests in pukey poems, etc.

emsyj · 07/12/2009 14:04

YANBU. We have spent a fortune attending boring weddings over the last few years, although I must say there have been a few gems along the way too. In my experience, the more relaxed weddings are the fun ones - which is why we had all the things we did for ours - we put on transport for guests to the ceremony and then on to the reception (red London bus!), hired out the local town hall for the reception, served curry, sausage & mash and chips for the wedding breakfast, paid up the bar so nobody had to fork out for drinks and got a ceilidh band so everyone could join in with the dancing. And we invited children. I hope people enjoyed the day - I think they did. Most were pretty, errr, merry by the end of it anyway. The really tedious weddings are the super-formal ones with a 3 hour gap between ceremony and reception where you are served a single lukewarm glass of Bucks Fizz to last the whole time, or else have to go to the bar and pay £££ stupid money for drinks. The record for me was £14 for a single gin and tonic at a mediocre hotel outside Manchester. Ridiculous.

nickelbabe · 07/12/2009 14:08

i went to one once where the sit-down meal was awfully dreadful (too many self-congratulating speeches and the food wasn't up to much), but they had it in a stately home and when we got there, we were treated to free-flowing champagne and nibbles.
so, even parts of weddings can be lovely while other bits are crap. would sum that one up as a lovely wedding.

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