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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking attending weddings is just blardy hard work?

86 replies

littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 12:44

i've been to a few recently and am struck by how much hard graft the whole thing is from start to finish.

You journey for hours to the bride's hometown in god knows where. expected to book two nights accommodation, buy pricey present, standup, sitdown, wait around tired and hungry for hours.
You don't get to choose what you want to eat, drink or people you sit next to.

many guests don't know hardly anyone else and it all gets so expensive (good £300 per big do these days)

im happy for friends who've found love and want to see them get hitched but all the boring hours bar the vows and party I find tedious and ive started to dread invites..

AIBU?

OP posts:

Longtinsellyjosie · 08/12/2009 08:42

YABU - if you can't afford it, politely make your excuses, rather than moan. And if you're not going because you care about the couple and want to see them make a commitment to each other, rather than to be entertained and fed, they've invited you in error.

The bride and groom will be paying out quite a lot to feed you, especially if you're bringing kids. If you look at it as an expensive bore, and you don't care enough about them to come regardless of what's on offer, you should decline, allowing them to invite someone else.

OtterInaSkoda · 08/12/2009 11:04

DP's sister recently had to go to a wedding in New York, the cost of which (not to mention annual leave that she had to take) meant that she and her dh were unable to go on holiday together this year.

Now, this was her best friend's wedding and she wouldn't have missed it for the world - but it was extraordinarily selfish imo of that friend to have put dp's sister (not to mention all the other guests) in that position. Her gift list was pretty too by all accounts.

I like travelling to weddings (including overseas) but I do think that couples should think about the expense they're putting their guests to. If your "vision" is a wedding at a 5* hotel for example, make sure that that hotel is within a reasonable distance of less expensive accomodation. It's not difficult.

Mistletoesnowman · 08/12/2009 11:52

I got married in New York in August but we didn't expect or ask anyone to come. We were overwhelmed that 6 people wanted to come along with us and we had a fab time with them. I don't think we were being selfish - we wanted a quiet wedding on our own terms with none of the pressures our family would have put us under if we got married in this country. Our friends genuinely wanted to come - we were quite prepared to find a witness off the street.

We didn't have a gift list at all though but this hasn't stopped our lovely generous friends (lots of them not just the ones who came to NY) from buying us something unexpectedly.

lovechoc · 08/12/2009 11:59

YANBU - reg office ones are the best with informal dining at a pub - get the drinks in! the less fuss the better.

I've never understood why people create such a drama - it's just one day fgs.

Like a few others on here we've spent the past couple of years attending posh weddings, OTT. the couples are lovely, it's just ashame about them feeling they have to keep up appearances.

OtterInaSkoda · 08/12/2009 12:04

snowman I think that's totally different - you didn't expect/demand people to come. I'm jealous tbh - your wedding sounds great

OrmIrian · 08/12/2009 12:23

Oh I usually enjoy them when I get there. I've never been bored or felt unwelcome. It's just sometimes a real hassle. DH's neice's wedding last summer was a case in point. We had to find somewhere for 5 of us to stay for at least one night - no mean feat when money is a consideration. Long drive. But it was bloody good fun and they had thought about how to make the day enjoyable for their guests.

So far we have only declined when it's been abroad - Crete, S Africa and Cuba have been the 3 that spring to mind - but we would always make an effort if it's in the UK.

nickelbabe · 08/12/2009 12:29

i did go to a wedding in Sri Lanka a few years ago.
it was one of my best friends' and i wouldn't have missed it for the world!
she did give everyone 2 years notice, though, and did all the research into flights and accommodation as well as securing a 10% discount if we booked through the same agent as them.
they wanted somewhere tropical and exotic and i think it cost them the same as a colder wedding in scotland!
it was an amazing wedding and we spent 2 weeks out there with them - we did all the touristy bits and had a proper holiday and learned all about a different culture.
it's a country i never would have goen to if it hadn't been for their wedding and it was the best holiday i've ever had.
(they also had a party in Scotland when they got back for those who couldn't go to SL)

Chandon · 08/12/2009 12:53

I like weddings, I think that they´re good fun, you always end up having a laugh, dancing like mad, and getting drunk. I just wear any old thing from my wardrobe, nice dress and a cardi (in case it´s cold) and just wear my posh face . I don´t go out and buy special outfits, they are sooooo twee!

I´ve only ever been to one wedding I did not enjoy, as the wine intake was very monitored. We got one glass of champagne at reception (no top ups), and one glass of wine with our dinner.

That was it.

There was no bar, so no chance to buy any more either. It was a very formal do, and this was their way of ensuring no drunken misbehaving guests would spoil the "grandeur"....

girlafraid · 08/12/2009 13:02

You are so not being unreasonable - and so many weddings are so similar when I look back I can't sort out one from another half the time

I guess if the bride and groom enjoy it that's the main thing but I do object to forking out to play extra in someone else's fantasy. Of course not all brides are like that but at a recent one the invites stipulated a certain type of outfit and colour

Maybe I'm unreasonable but just fork off, I mean really! DH and I wore smart clothes (as you would to a wedding really) but didn't play by the rules - I think she's still pissed off with us

We had 2 guests to our wedding at a registry office - mind you, that didn't go down too well in some quarters wither so you can't really win!

nickelbabe · 08/12/2009 15:49

oh chandon - how i wish i could do something like that!
i have some friends who just get trolleyed, and sad to say, some family members get a bit embarrassing too

i went to a wedding with no alcohol once, as the reception was held in a methodist centre (one of those big halls that you stay in). i really enjoyed it, but my ex thought it was really strange and took the piss. he was not in my good books after that.

henryscatoscar · 05/09/2019 11:17

Agree on the relaxed wedding.

One couple I know felt very pressured into having a particular formal wedding which wasn’t really their style. This was mainly from the brides parents. I wonder how many couples do weddings which are really for others.

One colleague had a country wedding at the village hall where everyone brought food and it was more community based.

The other classic is adults only. It didn’t say on the invite we accepted and were then told they couldn’t accept kids. I’m fine if that’s your choice but at least have it on your invite and don’t be offended if this means people can’t go.

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