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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking attending weddings is just blardy hard work?

86 replies

littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 12:44

i've been to a few recently and am struck by how much hard graft the whole thing is from start to finish.

You journey for hours to the bride's hometown in god knows where. expected to book two nights accommodation, buy pricey present, standup, sitdown, wait around tired and hungry for hours.
You don't get to choose what you want to eat, drink or people you sit next to.

many guests don't know hardly anyone else and it all gets so expensive (good £300 per big do these days)

im happy for friends who've found love and want to see them get hitched but all the boring hours bar the vows and party I find tedious and ive started to dread invites..

AIBU?

OP posts:
mrsshackleton · 07/12/2009 17:46

Maize

But was the hotel you chose anywhere near where your guests lived and/or did you have a personal connection with it?

I am so tired of going to weddings at the other end of the country or often abroad because people just think it's a lovely setting. My bf got married in Italy, purely because she fancied the idea of pix of her in front of a certain photogenic beach with her veil flowing in the wind.

We and 100 other people had to fly our entire family to Italy and, because of all the shenanigans related to the wedding, stay a week purely because that was what she fancied doing.Itr cost a fortune, was a big hassle and we all ended up sitting in a marquee in the middle of an Italian field in exactly the same kind of set up we'd have found ourselves in if we'd had it at home but far poorer.

I still love my friend but after that I did wonder for a while. If she'd been Italian or marrying an Italian it would have been a different matter.

Original poster
littlestmummystop · 07/12/2009 17:59

My worst wedding was while being maid of honour. Had to shell out for two nights in v pricey hotel so could go for 'dinner with top table' night before, pay for seamstress to sort out dress, smile for 2.5 hours worth of pics, wasn't allowed to bring child ( so had to travel miles to get babysiiting sorted first) and didn't know anyone there except for bride. A v long boring weekend.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2009 18:06

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding I didn't enjoy. Part of it I'm sure is that I have thoughtful friends and family. But perhaps part of it is my attitude too... Some people are hard work.

Bonsoir · 07/12/2009 18:08

And you rise to every occasion?

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2009 18:09

But of course...

I am a model guest on every occasion

Bonsoir · 07/12/2009 18:12

I'm quite good at being a model guest on the day, too... doesn't stop me from whinging in private later

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2009 18:13

But you are a high maintenance woman Bonsoir. That is quite clear

Me, I'm easily pleased.

Bonsoir · 07/12/2009 18:17

Higher maintenance by the day, moi .

Docbunches · 07/12/2009 18:24

Spectroscopy, your second wedding sounds perfect - just the sort of wedding I would choose for myself and one I would happily attend without making excuses.

I did similar on my 40th birthday, where I was able to pay for everyone's drinks all evening (social club type place) - it certainly ensured a good turnout and everyone had a great time.

Kathyis12feethighandbites · 07/12/2009 18:24

I love weddings, never been to one I didn't enjoy.
My tip is always have a snack in your handbag for that bit between the ceremony and the reception, in case there aren't any canapes (or they blow away as happened at mine).

sarah293 · 07/12/2009 18:29

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Maize · 07/12/2009 18:35

mrsshackleton - well no the hotel was near nobody but none of our guests lived near each other so we made the decision to get married where I grew up which is two hours away from where we live now. Most of our guests lived two hours away (in different directions- most came from Sheffield, Lincolnshire, Liverpool, Hull but also a few from London, Derbyshire and Wales and we married in Teesside). Should we have had multiple weddings so they didn't have to travel? Should we have got married in a Travel Lodge so the rooms on site were really cheap?

We travel to see our family and friends who live away from us so why shouldn't they travel to see us for our wedding? Thats how I feel if we have to travel for a wedding.

My DH is an usher three times next year and we are excited. And saving

chickbean · 07/12/2009 19:34

I think that it can help to have been to a lot of weddings when you plan your own - we were quite ancient and had loads of experience of other people's weddings and deliberately nicked or avoided the things that we'd liked or disliked. I think people had a good time - though the fact that we provided all the booze meant a few people were the worse for wear the next day. I can't really understand people who want a spectacle and don't think about their guests' needs. Though I do think that, until you have children, you have no idea of the challenges of either bringing them or leaving them behind.

laweaselmys · 07/12/2009 19:41

Urgh. I have a wedding in January that I am not looking forward to. But it is exactly that, that it is their special day and the guests are their to witness their wonderfulness attitude that is making me dread it.

I would not go, but DP is really looking forward to it. Maybe I'm just harder to please.

wildspinning · 07/12/2009 19:56

Weddings are the only time I get to dance these days and I LOVE it! Doesn't matter how bad the day has been (all the hanging around etc) once the music is on.

But the whole cost of going has to come in at £100 at the absolute most or I don't go. Going to friends' weddings abroad is not an option.

moomaa · 07/12/2009 20:09

I really like going to weddings and have enjoyed most I have been too. I think the ones that weren't so good were hosted by people that are not so good at empathising and don't think through how some people could react to certain 'requests' e.g. being asked to go on a long walk in the dark, rain and up and down steep hills 9 months pregnant.....(we ran away to a nearby pub and found several other guests there).

I don't like it when people are smug about having small weddings, yes we might have liked this too, but with parents, grandparents and 8 siblings with partners and kids between us even our nuclear family only would have made our weddings 'large'.

moomaa · 07/12/2009 20:10

sorry read waddle away to a nearby pub

Lapsedrunner · 07/12/2009 20:13

yanbu, I find them a real chore

poshsinglemum · 07/12/2009 21:15

I do love a good wedding though. It restores my faith in romantic love and makes me feel all sniffy. reaches for kleenex or sick bag

fluffles · 07/12/2009 21:33

whenever threads like this appear on mumsnet i always feel like i live in a parallel universe!

i have only been to the weddings of one aunt, one cousin (ok so i've a small family) and about six of my best friends. if i'd met my DP sooner then i guess i'd have been to about another five (his sister, aunt and three close friends)... all these were filled with people i don't see often and it was great to catch up with... all these were great parties and followed by a long lazy hungover brunch with friends the next day... those which were far away were an excuse to spend a few days in a hotel with my old uni mates.

i didn't give a damn about the napkin rings or table arrangements but neither did i begrudge the more 'pretty' weddings.. though the simple ones were just as good.

i don't know who you all are who end up spending hundreds of pounds to attend weddings of people you appear not to actually like

pippylongstockings · 07/12/2009 21:37

As some-one who got married 2 weeks ago - I really really didn't want a 'wedding'. We had a registry office do with 8 friends - off to the pub for several bottles of fizz, then out for a nice meal. It was just as we wanted it.

Really didn't want to get caught up in the whole matching napkins, table fancy's, button holes, chocolate fountains, etc etc. basically spending thousands of pounds for a 'unique' day, that you stress for months and months about and then is the same as everyone else's wedding.

Surely a marriage is about two people's love?

Squishabelle · 07/12/2009 21:56

Pippy - I agree; everyone strives for 'unique' but its all been done before.

jasper · 07/12/2009 22:40

at traditional weddings when there is a long boring gap when official photos are taken, we always visit the nearest chippy for a bag of chips

sarah293 · 08/12/2009 08:15

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borderslass · 08/12/2009 08:37

When my nephew got married 4 years ago wasn't too bad we stayed at caravan site (summer wedding) and it was registry office followed by a do at rugby club but when my niece (his sister) got married this year it was in February the whole thing was in a posh hotel from start to finish cost us about £500 the really good thing was when my son had had enough( he doesn't cope with lots of people) he just went up to the room and watched the TV,only problem was he locked his dad and i out of the room and we had to get the spare key.