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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little hacked off with dp

109 replies

happyharry · 06/12/2009 10:47

Earlier in the the year I went on holiday with my mum, siblings and dc to celebrate my brothers milestone birthday. The actual holiday was paid for by my mum. All it cost me was about £150 spending money. Dp made a huge fuss about not wanting holiday to cost him money as he wasn't going. I am a SAHM. Yet in the same year he has spent £300 on a football season ticket. Took his mum to a concert for a birthday.Now he wantys to take her to a play for her Christmas present.

OP posts:
pjmama · 06/12/2009 10:50

If you've given up a good job to be a SAHM, then your DH has to accept that this means his money is now supporting the both of you. That includes luxuries as well as the essential. You should both be entitled to spend the same on luxuries.

Dirtgirl · 06/12/2009 10:51

If you are a SAHM, his money is your money IMO. I'd be annoyed too.

pjmama · 06/12/2009 10:53

Actually, I'll rephrase my comment - it shouldn't make any difference what kind of job you gave up to be a SAHM! He's supporting you all and should be treating you fairly.

skidoodle · 06/12/2009 10:55

Does he think the family money is his? If so, that is v unreasonable.

Do you get to use the season ticket and go on the theatre trips? Presumably by his logic no household money should be spent on things you don't get to participate in.

ImSoNotTelling · 06/12/2009 10:59

YANBU he sounds very childish

Original poster
happyharry · 06/12/2009 11:00

I may get to go to a couple of matches. I think next year when he buys his season ticke I am going to join a gym.

OP posts:
bigchris · 06/12/2009 11:03

god what an arse! did he want to go then?

Brunettelady · 06/12/2009 12:05

Make him take you to the play as well. Or is it not something you want to go to? If not, ask him to take you somewhere too. YANBU. And the gym membership next year sounds like a good idea.

Brunettelady · 06/12/2009 12:05

Make him take you to the play as well. Or is it not something you want to go to? If not, ask him to take you somewhere too. YANBU. And the gym membership next year sounds like a good idea.

Brunettelady · 06/12/2009 12:05

Opps, sorry didn't mean to post twice.

marantha · 06/12/2009 17:08

YABU, he earned the money.
He feeds you and your child and, presumably, puts a roof over your head and clothes you. You don't earn; you should be grateful for any financial crumbs he gives you on top of the things he gives you already.

Women have a child with a man and they think they own him.

Unlike marriage (where at least a promise was made to support each other), it is my strong belief that cohabitees owe each other precisely nought.

BananaPudding · 06/12/2009 17:11

You can't be serious, Marantha.

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/12/2009 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

daisydora · 06/12/2009 17:14

at marantha!
BTW OP YANBU

SouthMum · 06/12/2009 17:14

and double @ "he feeds you and your child" comment
and infact the whole post from marantha can have a

skidoodle · 06/12/2009 17:16

I don't agree with Marantha that people can't make their own private arrangements to support each other, and agreeing to someone else giving up work to support your child means you are supporting them financially.

However, I do think it is pretty foolish to make yourself financially reliant on someone to whom you're not married. Particularly if they are a liar, as in this case.

marantha · 06/12/2009 17:18

Oh yes I can be and I am. I am sick to death of cohabiting couples who want to be treated "like they're married" when they are not.
(I have NOTHING against the ones who have no desire to be seen in any way shape or form as married).
I am sick to death of them because of their whining- "I want to be treated like I'm married!!", their illogiciality and failure to grasp the following: "But you can't be treated like you're married cos you're not!"

They've had a baby, so what? The bloke supports his child- as he should- and goes the extra mile and supports her financially, too.
What more does OP want for goodness sake?!

She could get a part-time job if she wants a few extra bob.

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 17:21

One of the most unbelievable posts I have ever read on here!

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/12/2009 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 17:23

I am in the same position as the OP, however I am married and dh is very generous with money, we both spend smilar amounts on ourselves. As I am maried to him, is it alright that I spend "his" money?

bergentulip · 06/12/2009 17:24

Having a baby with someone is ten times more commitment to one another than a piece of paper - surely?

Bringing a new life into the world together would indicate shared sense of responsibilities????

daisydora · 06/12/2009 17:24

Marantha - I agree to a degree about cohabiting couples, where there is no child involved.

But once there is a child, agree with Stewie.

SouthMum · 06/12/2009 17:26

I'm confused, have I missed something? Thought OP was about her DP being a bit of a shit for moaning about £150?

OP - do what Marantha suggests, start charging your DP for the cleaning, babysitting, cooking and washing you must do while he is at work. Should get you a few extra bob. After all you're not married so why should he get those services for free???

thesecondcoming · 06/12/2009 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pranma · 06/12/2009 17:28

I think somene is weilding a large wooden spoon with astonishing cynicism.