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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little hacked off with dp

109 replies

happyharry · 06/12/2009 10:47

Earlier in the the year I went on holiday with my mum, siblings and dc to celebrate my brothers milestone birthday. The actual holiday was paid for by my mum. All it cost me was about £150 spending money. Dp made a huge fuss about not wanting holiday to cost him money as he wasn't going. I am a SAHM. Yet in the same year he has spent £300 on a football season ticket. Took his mum to a concert for a birthday.Now he wantys to take her to a play for her Christmas present.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 06/12/2009 18:18

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LeninGrad · 06/12/2009 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 18:26

marantha Sun 06-Dec-09 17:35:17
You women all stick together, though. I don't expect any of you to try to see the bloke's view for one microsecond. Nobody is going to agree with me. I accept that.

Is it just me, or does this sound like a man?

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 18:26

x-post

marantha · 06/12/2009 18:29

Hmm. I meant bloke's point of view as in the OP's bloke.

You're right though, marriage itself is no guarantee of commitment BUT if your spouse does play up you can always wave a bit of paper about in front of a judge that proves they did promise to support you which may lead to the judge taking your side. Cohabitees do not even have this.

It is an unfortunate fact of life that he (or she) who pays the piper calls the tune.
It would be nice to live in a world where the two halves in a relationship were truly equal and made joint decisions in a calm, reasoned way but if we did we'd have no such thing as divorce.
My serious advice to OP would be try to find some kind of way of earning a bit of money if she could. It's cold but if her partner really IS that tight, I see no other alternative because as a cohabitee, I doubt she'd be viewed in the same way as a legal spouse.

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 18:31

'Marantha; you sound like you've got a serious backstory!'

My guess is she married a man who already had children and believed all his bollocks about how he was tricked into it.

marantha · 06/12/2009 18:34

expatinscotland, you'd be completely wrong.
God in heaven, are none of you women out there even willing -just for one second- to entertain the thought that some of you-sorry US- can be calculating, conniving and capable of deceit?

expatinscotland · 06/12/2009 18:39

'are none of you women out there even willing -just for one second- to entertain the thought that some of you-sorry US- can be calculating, conniving and capable of deceit?'

none of you women . . .

trip trap, folks.

trip trap.

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 18:40

"It would be nice to live in a world where the two halves in a relationship were truly equal and made joint decisions in a calm, reasoned way but if we did we'd have no such thing as divorce"

Well I can say hand on heart dh and I have a relationship like that (apart from when it comes to MIL issues! )

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 18:41

Yes I am, I do believe women can and do trap men. However your posts seem to suggest it is more of the norm than an ocassional occurence!

marantha · 06/12/2009 18:42

Yes, expatinscotland, I get your point and I corrected myself by saying "US".

marantha · 06/12/2009 18:46

Good for you ComeOveneer, but I sense that OP is perhaps not in that position, so I think -if possible- trying to earn a bit of extra money for herself might be good for her esteem and get her the "little luxuries" she craves.
To be fair, OP's partner does seem to provide her with the essentials such as food and clothing.

LeninGrad · 06/12/2009 18:47

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marantha · 06/12/2009 18:52

I don't know ComeOveneer, I think that a lot of the time women don't deliberately set out to trap men in a nasty way- it's just that they tend to think the relationship is more serious than what it is sometimes.

Take cohabitation, I think women have a tendency to view it as being a firm commitment and men see it as nothing special (generally speaking, of course) thus woman gets pregnant believing she is in stable relationship when bloke just sees the relationship as transient.
Obviously, this can cause problems.

On marriage, nobody -unless they are mad- can seriously say that they did not realise their relationship was a serious one.

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 18:54

However, these days marriage is not always approached with the seriousness it deserves, especially with the ease of divorce.

marantha · 06/12/2009 19:02

Agreed totally. However, nobody reasonable (be they men or women) would say to married man whose wife got pregnant: "She tricked you mate" and frankly, if a married man said this I would think he was nuts.
After all, they got married and it is reasonable to expect children to be part of the deal somewhere along the line.

tethersend · 06/12/2009 19:03

marantha, you can say shag on here, you know.

It seems a little odd to star out that word when it's certainly not the part of your post most likely to offend...

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 19:05

I disagree, I know several married couples who have no desire to ever have cgildren. I find your attitude rather old fashioned tbh.

tethersend · 06/12/2009 19:06

I wonder whether the OP agrees with you marantha? You both seem to have a certain similarity which I just can't put my finger on... hmm..

...I must be imagining it.

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 19:10

You think they are one and the same?

marantha · 06/12/2009 19:12

Maybe not, but a childless married couple did make a deal to support each other through thick and thin. So if the female does become pregnant, the guy does have a clear duty to support her.
Cohabitation does not provide this framework.

tethersend · 06/12/2009 19:13

Not sure... perhaps I'm wrong; it's just quite a convenient thread to appear on which marantha can have the same argument as on the 'partner' one.

Or perhaps the OP will return and correct me?

marantha · 06/12/2009 19:19

I am not the OP. But you are right, tethersend, I do have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about the notion of cohabitation being made equivalent to marriage. I can't deny it.
I wouldn't actually go to the trouble of logging in as someone else though- I'm not that shagging m*d.

ComeOveneer · 06/12/2009 19:23

But why does it bother you so much? Live and let live. Marriage isn't for everyone, but that doesn't mean you can't be 100% committed to each other.

thesecondcoming · 06/12/2009 19:25

This reply has been deleted

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