to be a little hacked off with dp

[happyharry]

Earlier in the the year I went on holiday with my mum, siblings and dc to celebrate my brothers milestone birthday. The actual holiday was paid for by my mum. All it cost me was about £150 spending money. Dp made a huge fuss about not wanting holiday to cost him money as he wasn't going. I am a SAHM. Yet in the same year he has spent £300 on a football season ticket. Took his mum to a concert for a birthday.Now he wantys to take her to a play for her Christmas present.

'StewieGriffinsmum, I know of too many women who have accidentally-on-purpose gotten pregnant when their trusting partner believed them to be on the pill, to believe for one second that the decision to get pregnant is always a joint one.
You are an idiot if YOU believe otherwise.'

And similarly, you are an idiot if you just didn't go and have a vasectomy if that's the way you feel about supporting your own children.

Apart from anything else, people who have chosen to share their life together, married or not, surely at least like each other? Why wouldn't you want to see the other person have some enjoyments in life?

bergentulip, Typical female thinking there i.e. living with someone shows commitment. No it does not!! Or rather, it does not necessarily show commitment.

Personally, I felt the least I could give my children was a father who wanted them 100% if at all possible.

So I considered co-parenting with a gay male couple and bearing a child to each partner before I met DH.

"typical female thinking"!??!?!?! How bloody condescending!

Again, if a man is really that dead-set against not supporting his child or children or being 'tricked', then why not just have a vasectomy? Or use a condom every single time?

ComeOveneer, and you are not being condescending in YOUR statement that living together shows commitment.
Aren't you being condescending to all those cohabitees out there who are living together without commitment and are quite happy about it? Those cohabitees who have no desire to be tied for life.

Exactly. The pill does fail Marantha ya'know....however I have heard of a woman getting pregnant on purpose, I agree with you on that point

StewieGriffinsMom, I am a woman and I'll tell you this: it is nearly always the woman's decision to have a child.

If she wishes to have an abortion, the state supports her fully in this choice. The man is rarely consulted.

Sorry can you show me where I said that????

Oh Marantha dear, you are just ranting now. Might be wise to step away from the PC for a little while?

I say "nearly always" because I do appreciate that in tragic circumstances women can be forced to have a child against their will. Now THEY do have my sympathy.

just wanted to say that a sahm friend of mine and her husband recently got some life insurance, basically her contribution to the household worked out at about £80,000 per year, his was less.

" it is nearly always the woman's decision to have a child." and you know this/can prove this how?

So in your opinion it is never a case that a man and a woman make an equal and joint decision freely to hve a child?!?!?!?!?!

I have never said I am male- you just assumed I was because I dared to go against the mumsnet grain that decrees all women to be saints and the men in their life must always be at fault if there is a problem.
Not one person here attempted to see the OP's partner's point of view. You all just automatically agreed with her.

Of course, men and women do frequently make a joint decision to have a child just not always. It doesn't always happen.

Back to the OP.

I feel it is ridiculous of OP´s partner to begrudge her 150GBP.

But I also wonder why OP is mentioning what her partner is spending.

IMO, if there is enough money, both should spend what they want,but one shouldn´t be wanting to spend X amount, just because the other did either.

Because that is how I feel, and as I said I would feel exactly the same way if the OP was male.

marantha, don't burst my naive bubble please!

There are lots of things I want to say to poo-poo your argument, having lived with my DP for five years and having two children, however we eventually did get married and I wouldn't have it any other way, so it rather deflates any point I would have to make.

That said, to us it has always been kind of irrelevant. For some time DP was the sole income-provider, for the last 18mths I have been. One of us has always been at home with the children and whether we were married or not it was just a given that we shared everything and the JOINT bank account was for both to use however they saw fit. Needless to say, still is.

Marantha; you sound like you've got a serious backstory!

Op; I used to feel guilty about being the one who earned nothing whilst virtually everything my dp earned came to me and our boys in one way or another.

Then I totted up how much it would cost him to pay someone to do the things I do if anything happened to me, I factored in a nanny, a cleaner, a housekeeper, an accountant ( all necessary as he is in the Forces) and decided that actually I wasn't that expensive to run!

Not that DP ever notices what I spend or begrudges a penny of it I must add.

Your posts seem to imply either it is only the woman's decision or occassionally she is forced into it.