...to not want people to be rude when you ask for advice. People on MN basically.

[Brunettelady]

Like the title says. I have posted and read many comments that are very very rude on here when people are just asking for a bit of advice. I wouldn't talk to people like it in RL so why do people do it on here? Are they really that rude or feel they can say it as no one knows who they are?

Ok so some posts maybe a but daft but there is no need to say some of the comments that I have read.

Examples please?

Depends how things are phrased a lot of the time. Or where they are posted. If soemone posts the same thing on AIBU and on another topic, they will get very different responses ime.

Must say I have only ever had someone be rude to me twice on here.

I can't actually remember as there have been many I have thought were a but rude when the OP just wanted a bit of advice. I could find some but I would have to trawl through the discussions, and as my DH says, I'm already getting a bit obsessed with MN!

YANBU, I often think people are very rude on here. It's unnecessary, and sometimes these bull in a chinashop types end up upsetting people who genuinely need advice and support.

The thing is, SO many people post on mumsnet. Not everyone is going to post in a manner you personally find acceptable.

It's the same on most forums. The day it upsets me is the day I stop using internet forums forever.

Depends. Sometimes people who are asking for advice would actually benefit more from a virtual kick up the twinkle, sometimes posters are too rude to people in genuine distress. THis is an internet forum, it doesn't guarantee correct or perfect solutions.
SOmetimes asking your friends for advice will mean you get told things you don't want to hear, as well.

The thing is what different people perceive as rude or not is different according to that person and their temperament. That's blindingly obvious but I can't think of a better way to phrase it. Plus it's never possible to completely understand what someone's saying from what they've written - you're missing tone of voice and body language. I try not to say stuff on here that I wouldn't say in RL, but what I say may be accompanied by a jab in the ribs, a smile or something else to take the edge of what I'm saying, even if I 100% mean the words which come out of my mouth.

I was thinking about this the other day - I've read a few threads from new parents where their concerns have been dealt with dismissively or even rudely by posters who seem to have forgotten what it is like to go through it the first time.

In these instances I think people should perhaps step away from the thread rather than leaving a rather blunt ( to put it mildly) post.

Otherwise I rather enjoy the rudeness- especially the swearing..

Where I see terrible rudeness on a thread nowadays I have taken to naming and shaming. I step right up and say "Oy you were out and out nasty there, aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

However, I don't mind bluntness, or random swearing or comedy rudeness, and I do think sometimes posters can be somewhat over-sensitive.

OP - If you are talking about your SIL thread here, I have to suggest, in the nicest possible way, that you are being a leetel bit sensitive - as most people seemed to be on your side but all you reacted to were the one or two rather more brutal posters.

I think it depends on the OP. If someone is posting about their personal situation and wants advice on their personal situation, I think people should (usually) attempt to be sympathetic.

If someone is talking about their personal situation and is using it as a way of making wild generalisations about the whole country...

AIBU to think that because my child was bitten by a dog, that all dog owners are irresponsible and dogs should be banned?

...then I might be rude, even if their child has had a bad time.

And wild generalisations are very common on MN.

IMO people are really blunt on here and much more blunt that I would tend to be - but I don't think it is (intended to be) rude.

In saying that, there are couple of people who on here who I do think are completely mad and will disagree with you just for the sake of a disagreement, and that REALLY gets on my wick.

YANBU - I was actually thinking this the other day. Sometimes all people want is a bit of advice and they get torn apart or accused of trolling or whatever - or advice comes in such an unsympathetic way you wonder if the poster has ever actually interacted with a human being before!

But it is the same on a lot of internet forums, you should try some of the 'horse' forums if you wanna see serious bitching

I think a lot of people use internet forums to 'vent' some of their rage/frustration from the day to day stress of life, secure in the knowledge that they won't have to face up to the person afterwards, they can just log off and forget. JMO

Yes sometimes people can be rude, but if they overstep the mark they are usually pulled up on it by other posters.

I have only ever seen once on MN a thread where loads of people ganged up on the OP and were being really horrible - I couldn't understand that at all. It is pretty rare though.

Thge trick is not to hone in on the more difficult responses, take all the responses as a piece. There is no point getting upset over this stuff (speaks from bitter experience!).

MN is more than a place for advice. It's a community of real people, some of whom have been here for years. And because we are real people we react realistically. And when you read the 20th OP asking about a perennial subject on MN it isn't always easy to post with huge sympathy and interest. Not to mention some people are too precious for words

And for each brisk response there will be several who are cuddly and nice. Isn't that normal?

I'm not sure posting on MN about how shitty MNers are is the best idea

The rudeness is why I'm here. I can't get enough.

People are sometimes pretty awful and rude - for example responding to cries for help with critical comments about spelling and grammar. I hope that most posters share my view that people like that are not worth bothering with, and just ignore them.

The thing that gets me more is the troll spotting, which risks deeply hurting a genuine OP and undermines the excellent advice, and sometimes moving replies to the post (which may help people who read them, regardless of the veracity of the OP). I often wonder about the motives of the troll spotters and wish they would stay away.

Rant over - OP YANBU but bear in mind that most people here are aware of other 'fluffier' forums, where they might be better off posting about problems they are really sensitive about.

acebaby- trollspotters are very often people who have been hurt by trolls themselves, or are close friends with someone who has been. Which is why they get so defensive.

Also, that is a seperate subject which has already had much debate on here recently.

Yes people can be rude, just as they can be rude in real life.

tethersend "I'm not sure posting on MN about how shitty MNers are is the best idea". I take your point, but think that the genuinely unpleasant posts are a tiny minority.

I like a good bun fight as much as anyone - and hang out on the AIBU/education and feeding boards for that very reason!

differentID - cross post before. I'm sure you are right about troll spotting and perhaps here wasn't the place to bring it up. Sorry.

People can be rude in real life, but very very rarely are they as frank as they are online. It is much harder to be rude to someone's face! One of the things that draws people to MN.

true

What tethersend said

And, OP, if you post in AIBU, you have to expect that. Otherwise you'd post it in Chat or something, surely?

I have just twigged. Is this OP about the PERSONAL ITCHING that us on MN apparently go in for?