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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that my mum is out of order

86 replies

brook1 · 03/12/2009 19:43

Ive just rang my mum to ask if she can dig out my old gold (from an ex-boyf 20yrs ago) so that I can sell it. I cant remember exactly what there is but I definitely recall a gate bracelet.

Anyway, she hesitates and tells me that she sold the bracelet a few months ago. I asked her why she had done that because it wasnt hers to sell. She tells me she didnt think I'd mind because it was broken. Now I know she sold some jewellery a few months ago because she told me how many hundreds of pounds she got for it. I didnt think to ask if any of it was mine. And to be honest, I wouldnt be surprised if my gate bracelet wasnt the only thing of mine that she sold.

My mum has no money worries, I know that for a fact, and my dad doesnt bat an eyelid with what she spends. Although I am not broke, the money would have been nice for xmas.

I know she felt embarrassed on the phone. I asked her to look in my old box for the jewellery & she did this and then rang me back to tell me there were a few things there. I said I would call round in the next few days to collect.

Now, I think she is totally out of order. But she is being arsey with me because I have pulled her up about it. She even asked how I could be so bothered after all that she does for my DC. Admittedly, she buys things for my DC and has given me some money towards their xmas clothes, but I think she is missing the point. I dont think the fact that she helps us out makes it ok for her to have a reward from the sale of my gold jewellery behind my back. If she had sold it and then said "Oh I bought the DC this with the money from your bracelet" then that would be different.

Even if she had sold it without asking I would have thought she would have given the money to my DC. Its not really about the money, its about what she has done, and why?? for heavens sake.

OP posts:
FrostyBaubles · 03/12/2009 19:52

I can see your point but i can also see your Mums point of view as being 'well its been over 20yrs up there so surely she doesnt want it/has forgotten about it'.

I wouldnt fall out over it though as tbh she probably only got pennies for it

kittywise · 03/12/2009 19:56

She is out of order.
It doesn't matter at all how much money she has, how much she does for you and your dc's.
She has sold something that doesn't belong to her and taken the money for it, nice

brook1 · 03/12/2009 20:02

Frosty, she would have got quite a few pounds for it, gold has good value now. The bracelet was quite hefty.

OP posts:
maxpower · 03/12/2009 20:05

YANBU - she's probably being arsey becasue she knows she's in the wrong

Jacksmama · 03/12/2009 20:10

Totally out of order. I am so on your behalf. And obviously she knows she's done wrong. It's not as if she said "look here, do you not want this any more - how about if I sell it along with mine, you'll want extra money at Christmastime". No, she sold it, probably thinking you'd never find out, but oops! You did! Grr. That is Very Wrong.

You should really put her on that spot and ask, "so Mum, is this the sort of thing you'd teach me as The Right Thing To Do"?

Curiousmama · 03/12/2009 20:14

Agree well out of order she isn't setting a good example. YANBU.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 03/12/2009 20:17

YANBU - she's annoyed because she knows she is in the wrong.

Portofino · 03/12/2009 20:18

Why is your jewellry still at her house after all this time? I would say if you left home and set up home of your own, then anything left behind is fair game for being thrown out/ebayed/whatever.....

LynetteScavo · 03/12/2009 20:29

I agree with Porto fino...if you wanted it you should have taken it with you.

WingedVictory · 03/12/2009 20:31

YANBU, but there's not a lot you can do about it except what you've already done - you've caught her, and she sounds embarrassed. Unless you want to escalate it?

Stigaloid · 03/12/2009 20:46

YANBU - what she did was theft. Doesn't matter that she is your mother. She took your possessions, sold them, used the cash without your knowledge. You should be miffed. She is just embarrassed and on the defensive.

brook1 · 03/12/2009 20:54

Portofino, the reason I didnt take the jewellery with me was that I had no intentions of wearing it again because it was from an ex-bf. It felt a bit disrespectful bringing it into my home with DH, but it was too good to throw away.

My "old" room at my parents still has the same furniture in and although my parents have taken it over with all their clutter, there are a few bits and pieces - old photos and gifts from ex-bf in a top drawer that I would like to keep. For no other reason, other than that it seemed a shame to throw away good jewellery and also, it was a part of my life. FWIW I have never even opened the top drawer since I left home all those years ago. Ex-bf was my first love and I see no harm in keeping bits and pieces from him.

With gold being worth quite a bit of money now, I think its time to get rid, and have some good use out of the money I would get. The other bits and bobs can stay there.

OP posts:
Brunettelady · 03/12/2009 20:56

I have things stored at my nans house where I grew up as I simply don't have space in my tiny house. She is BVVVVU. Can't believe some even try and see it from her point of view, it was yours, not hers to sell. You should ask for for the money.

ShinyAndNew · 03/12/2009 21:07

She is BU, but I don't think it is worth falling out over.

My mum e-bays my stuff all the time. She often invites herself to my house to look for things to sell , but she always asks me about it before she sells it.

twolittlekings · 03/12/2009 21:11

I think she should have asked you first.

Jux · 03/12/2009 21:17

Is she that cavalier with everyone's belongings?

brook1 · 03/12/2009 22:20

Jux, no not at all. My brothers room still has pictures, trophies, old photos etc in there. She has never disposed of anything before without asking. The simple fact was that she could make a few bob out of the bracelet (which she didnt actually need anyway).

She wouldnt have a clue how to ebay anything, they dont even have a computer.

OP posts:
GroundHoHoHogs · 03/12/2009 23:10

Jeez, that's dreadful.. for you, she should have asked. No excuses.

paisleyleaf · 03/12/2009 23:18

I wouldn't bother escalating it
.....she could charge you for storage!

PeachyDrapedInSparklyTinsel · 03/12/2009 23:23

Whilst I don't think she was right, generally I am with Portofino,aswasmy Mum, very explicitly in fact.

'My "old" room at my parents still has the same furniture in and although my parents have taken it over with all their clutter'

It's their room now, you don't live there any more.

brook1 · 03/12/2009 23:29

??? Peachy, I know its their room now, I was just trying to paint a picture of the situation. My mum knew about the items in the top drawer and was quite happy for me to leave them there.

OP posts:
brook1 · 03/12/2009 23:34

Peachy, thanks for pointing out that its their room and I dont live there any more, it had slipped my mind (!!).

The point here peachy is that my mum knew the items were in the top drawer, she had never once told me to take them out, and she knew my reasons as to why I hadnt moved them into my home with DH. Surely this doesnt give her the right to sell them behind my back.

If she had asked me to clear out everything that I wanted (20yrs ago) and that anything left would be disposed of, then fair game, but that didnt happen.

OP posts:
CocoaCloset · 03/12/2009 23:40

I am surprised so many people seem outraged. I would not be at all bothered, definitely not worth falling out for a few quid if you generally have a good relationship.

Plutothatpresentdown · 03/12/2009 23:40

YANBU. Your mother has been at best underhand and at worst downright crooked and the only consolation is that she feels at her untrustwothy action. I'm not sure it is worth pursuing though - I wouldn't be surprised if she makes it up to you in some way.

CocoaCloset · 04/12/2009 00:06

Surely the OP's mother selling some old bracelet that hasn't been looked at or referenced to in two decades cannot warrant such awful comments? It is utterly bizarre. (I am not OP's mother by the way!)

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