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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my judgypants on over this and ping the elastic

44 replies

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2009 17:14

Collecting the DCs from school today.

School had only just kicked out, I was going in as a mother and her DC were coming out.

The DC was crying his heart out, really sobbing. The mother was totally ignoring him, and had earphones on with music so loud that you could clearly hear the song playing.

She might have had a hard day, and the DC might be a whingy child. But they had not been together for 6 hours and had been reunited for approx 3 minutes. So it hardly struck me as a "You've been crying for twenty minutes and nothing I have said has helped so I'll put my earphones on" situation.

I mean, wouldn't you want to know when/if your child had stopped crying? Or calm them down? Or - God forbid - sympathise or talk to them? Re the latter, it might well have been a "can we got to the park" "No" "Waaaa!" thing.

I felt really

I try so hard not to wear judgypants and have really failed this time.

OP posts:

Sagacious · 01/12/2009 17:16

I was having a BAD day

2shoes · 01/12/2009 17:18

snapshot of someones day
so yabu to judge

Original poster

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2009 17:21

I actually feel better about it for being told IABU. I feel like a weight's lifted

OP posts:

tethersend · 01/12/2009 17:22

YABU unless she was listening to 'Sweet child o'mine"

cakeywakey · 01/12/2009 17:43

It is hard not to judge people, but I can imagine that people seeing me with my DD at fleeting moments would think that I am terrible mother. When, of course I am brill .

YABU, but I think you know that. But then, we probably all do it from time to time. It can be hard not to.

WouldYouCouldYouWithAGoat · 01/12/2009 17:44

yanbu the headphones thing is weird

thedollshouse · 01/12/2009 17:45

Not enough information to judge I'm afraid. As someone has already said you are only seeing a snapshot of their day.

Sagacious · 01/12/2009 17:46

I'm blonde it was my recording telling me to breathe

RainRainGoAway · 01/12/2009 17:47

I think being with any other person and having headphones on is .

I can understand it sometimes, I would love to plug in when DS whinges about not wanting to wear his winter coat in sub zero temperatures, but it doesn't exactly allow for much communication.

YANBU.

Original poster

BalloonSlayer · 01/12/2009 17:49

Just thought it and to make the decision to listen to loud music on earphones within three minutes of picking up your child if that child was very upset about something.

But she's probably seen me haranguing my DCs into the school late of a morning and thought: Christ alive!

As I said, quite glad to be deemed U.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 01/12/2009 17:52

I often ignore DD crying since it is usually simply because she hasn't got her own way. If I had headphones, I'd love to wear them to drown the noise out.

CarmenSanDiego · 01/12/2009 17:54

YANBU. Wearing earphones with your child is just weird, especially when the child is upset.

JackBauer · 01/12/2009 18:24

YAB totally U

I walked home the other day with DD2 wailing in the buggy and DD1 dragging her feet and sobbing next to me because I told them we couldn't go and get gingerbread men.
No sympathy from me. This was within 30 seconds of picking DD1 up (her first sentence was 'Hello Mummy, can we get a gingerbread man from the bakers?'

fernie3 · 01/12/2009 18:29

YABU my daughter cries because she wants to sit in the pushchair (I have a double buggy for my younger two). I have no idea why she thinks she is going to be allowed in the pushchair as she hasnt been in one since she was about 3.5 and anyway the seats are all full!!

she whines and cries all the way home!.

colditz · 01/12/2009 18:31

My 6 year old has had full on histrionics because we can't go to X's house - within 45 seconds of picking him up. I will explain once, after that I will ignore further tantrumming. And if I had headphones, I would use those to ignore the tantrum.

So, YABU

ArizonaBarker · 01/12/2009 18:34

I find it really difficult hearing other people's children/babies cry.
Makes me feel sad.
I think it's because with my own I know why they are crying but don't with other people's, so it always sounds worse.
Does that make sense?

mummygirl · 01/12/2009 18:37

YABU

every time I pick up DS1 from nursery he wants to stop in the yard and play on the swings while he knows we don't have a single second to spare. I now simply ignore him as he falls on the floor crying and then follows me all the way to the car pleading and sobbing. Only I know how many times we have had this conversation/explanation/comforting session etc. and I'm also fully aware that it's his little control game. Nothing to do with the swings.

It's not just a snapshot of someone's day, it's a snapshot of their life and relationship with their child. She probably knows what she's doing.

mummygirl · 01/12/2009 18:40

Arizona I know exactly what you mean. Also before I had kids every time I'd hear/see a child cry I'd think "what are they parents doing to the poor soul?". Now I think "look at this tantrum, oh the poor parents".

mummygirl · 01/12/2009 18:41

"the parents"

FabIsVeryLucky · 01/12/2009 18:42

I don't think YABU and as for a snap shot in someones day, the child had just come out of school.

CarmenSanDiego · 01/12/2009 18:46

I honestly don't think there's any reason for a child to cry non-stop and be dragged around crying. My dd2 is hard work, but when she wants something, I can usually negotiate something that makes us both happy. i.e. We can't get a biscuit now because I don't have my purse/you've eaten too many biscuits/we're not going to town, but at home there is bread and jam and tomorrow we'll be in town so we can can perhaps get a biscuit then.

Or something. There is a happy medium between giving a child everything they want and refusing to listen to them.

Talking also helps them to work out for themselves whether their requests are reasonable or not and makes future conversations more pleasant.

I hate when people just say 'no' and then ignore their child while they scream, smug that they've shown them who's boss - no wonder the child has a tantrum if they're not even listened to.

colditz · 01/12/2009 18:48

So? If a child just comes out of school and kicks me because I didn't bring cake, am I not allowed to bollock him just because I haven't seen him for 6 hours?

I'm still his mother and I do not change my parenting according to how long it has been since I last saw him. That would hardly be consistent, would it? And inconsistent parenting is a major cause of behavioral difficulties in children!

colditz · 01/12/2009 18:50

What if all the child is screaming is "wannawannawannawannawannawannawanna!!!" and you know from experience that this is the same argument you have had at 3.15 every weekday for the past 6 months, and that NONE of your reasoning will work?

CarmenSanDiego · 01/12/2009 18:56

I wouldn't walk down the street with a child yelling like that, no. I'd stop and take them to a quiet place to deal with it.

Surely a child of school age shouldn't be kicking and tantruming and be unable to be reasoned with every day after school unless there is a behavioural problem?

mummygirl · 01/12/2009 18:58

A behaviourla problem that can possibly be sorted by ignoring the tantrum?

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