to consider leaving 5m DD in hotel room witgh monitor while we go to DH's work Xmas meal in the hotel?

[sassyhopper32]

As the thread title says, my DH's work is having a Xmas meal in a couple of weeks at a nearby hotel. The only way that we could both go would be to book room overnight and have DD in the room and take monitor. I am going to find out from the hotel exactly where the meal will be so that we can specify room as close by as possible and we would also check on her periodically as well as using the monitor. They don't have a baby listening service or babysitters etc.

We don't have any family nearby who could babysit and the only people we know locally will all be at the same function. We haven't been out together without DD since her birth and I haven't been out at night at all. Is it totally a no-no to even consider this? DH has no reservations, but I think it's maybe different for blokes.....and one of his friends and wife have also said that they're doing same thing, which doesn't make it wrong or right IMO.

They could sick or choke in their own bedroom, if you've got a room near the dining room you may not even be further away.

"You will get to speak to babysitter beforehand" -oh thats alright then. Totally people would consider leaving their kids with somebody they'd just spoken to before hand.

Being CRB checked means diddly squat I'm afraid. All it means is that person in theory doesn't have a police record(it is very easy for people to slip through the net). I'm CRB checked and the forms all hinged on me telling the truth eg where I've lived in the past few years,do I have a record etc. I listed every single address but who is to say everybody does.

Also people may not have a record but still be untrustworthy eg Vanessa George. Further more that person may not be a Vanessa George but maybe simply unreliable and unsuitable. Being CRB checked guarantees you nothing neither does being on agency books. Nightime agency work must be a good earner, I'm pretty sure nobody does it for anything other than money- not exactly a great reason for hiring somebody to look after your dc.

For these reasons I only leave my dc with my parents or people I know extremely well.

Those that choose to leave their dc with somebody they've just met weigh up the risks and act on them in exactly the same as those of us who leave our dc in close range with a monitor on. It's horses for courses but having worked with children my entire working life and as a mother of 3 I know which I'd choose any day.

I wouldn't use a baby listening service either same risks and can't believe these services are still offered.

If I was in your situation, i would stay at home and let DH go to the meal on his own. Much less hassle and plenty peace of mind.

Maybe I'm being a big giant drama queen but, I must say, I'm absolutely horrified that anyone would even consider leaving a 5-month-old baby alone in a hotel room.

Welcome to parenthood - you DO NOT leave your baby alone for extended periods. Monitor or not.

Think of how horrible you would feel for the rest of your life if something happened to your daughter.

Milamae
"For these reasons I only leave my dc with my parents or people I know extremely well."

Well good for you! But not all of us have the option. We have no Grandparents and for 4 years lived in London with no-one we knew really well to babysit. So obviously, the only responsible thing to do would be to never leave the house. Heaven forbid we should be so irresponsible as to use a reputable professional agency to watch our children.

Obviously there are risks in every situation but I do object to your pious tone at the choices of others. Without wishing to go off on tangent, given that most abuse of children is carried out by family members or those very close to the family, you're on shaky ground anyway.

A couple of times I've stayed in hotels and just had random people walking into the room.

You're not going to be the only person with a key to the door, so IMO it's a bigger risk than leaving a baby in your own house while you nip to the corner shop or whatever (which I also wouldn't do).

MilaMae how old are your kids? I take it they're not school age yet if you've never left them with anyone other than your parents or people you know extremely well?

ha this reminds me of the time DH and myself went away for a weekend and during the night we heard a key turning in the lock!! We had no idea someone else had a key to our door, but there you go, it happens. The guy turned out of the room when he realised it was occupied. Good job we weren't swinging from the chandeliers! lol

"Being CRB checked guarantees you nothing neither does being on agency books."

Being family guarantees you nothing either. In fact, as fruitstick says it makes you more of a risk.

Suggestion: find your local primary school or nursery and ask if any teachers/ teaching assistants/ carers want to earn a bit extra by babysitting. If the hotel is nearby they could babysit in the room and then go home. Make sure that you like them. Could be well worth the money

Fruitstick I'm surrounded by friends with absolutely no family nearby and I don't know any that leave their kids with agency staff they don't know. If you read the thread you'll note my pious tone was in retort to the pious tone used discussing the use of monitors. Both scenarios have risks.

Also I don't have help on tap, my parents have busy lives. They frequently can't help out so we just miss out on things. As it is we don't ever go out together much anyway,only about twice a year.

We lived far from home and didn't go out at all in the early days,my sister lives miles away from both sets of parents so can only go out when they can stay with her. So yes we did rarely leave the house as a couple in the evening as I did not feel comfortable leaving my voiceless children with complete strangers. Instead we did things together in the day or went out with friends separately. We saved up evenings out for when family came to stay.

Re abuse mostly being carried out by family members surely it's more frequently carried out by parents. A child abused by it's parents has nobody looking out for it, mine do-me. I had an abuse free childhood and know my parents and their parenting style extremely well. There is absolutely no risk. There is no way I could guarantee that with somebody I'd never met before. Also you're a bit deluded if you think abuse/neglect doesn't go on elsewhere.

So, tell me, were you both planning to booze up on free alcohol and slink back into your room in a drunken stupor at silly o clock to your baby?

Honestly, I dont get why anybody would want to go to their partners christmas work do.

My dc are6,6 and 5 and I know people who do exactly what grumpy says. They use school staff well known to their kids themselves and the local community. It's not completely safe but far safer than agency sitters.

Ok so you're children are school age.

I'm just surprised that you know all of the staff at their school "extremely well".

Am picturing you living in some lovely twee village where everyone knows each other

Nope not a village and no I don't know all the staff extremely well but I'd leave my dc with any of the teaching assistants anyday. They've all been working at the school for a long time,are lovely with kids and well known in the community.

It is worth approaching teaching assistants as they're often not full time,are on crap wages,know your dc and love children.

The other people to approach are other parents you know quite well to do a swap.

Oh ok, so you were actually exaggerating when you said you only leave your children with your parents or people you know extremely well. Because you take them to school where they are looked after by people you don't know well.

That makes more sense, I was wondering how on earth you could have managed that with 3 DC.

Parenting as so largely about instincts and if it feels wrong it probably is even if you explain, defend and excuse it away.
Are those mums doing this REALLY and trurly comfortable with this? (lots of defensive unconvincing posts on thread...)

As long as the monitor works and the room is nearby I would do it and not drink v much if at all.

I think we both know Ghouls what I meant when I said I never leave my dc with anybody other than my parents or people I know well.

If we're going to pick straws leaving children in a school full of well qualified staff who are never left with children alone is an awful lot safer than leaving children with a single agency sitter you've never met before.

No, I genuinely didn't know that when you said never, you didn't mean never.

That's why I asked.

As it happens my mother has worked in their school for many years and so far I have know all their teachers extremely well,getting to know all the rest so on that basis I guess never must mean never

OP I think YABVU to consider doing this, for all the above mentioned reasons and slight risks.

You now know that you can easily get a sitter from a local nursery or failing that an agency like sitters. SO how come you haven't said you will? I'm guessing you'd rather take the risk (albeit a miniscule one I know) than fork out for someone to actually supervise your tiny 5 month old baby.

I'm not one who says "oooh how can you leave your child under the age of 2" either, I have regular night out and weekends away from when dd was just a couple of weeks old, but I would never consider what you are doing.

Prettybird - (page2) I find it a bit that you had a rule of not going to your 7mth old until he had been crying for more than 5 minutes.

Controlled crying works with older children, not with 7 month olds, well it shouldn't anyway. You aren't teaching them anything apart from mummy doesn't come when they cry. Seriously!!! 5 mins to a 7mth old who wakes and wants comfort must be an awfully long time! Is this something many parents do? I couldn't.

If you say so

I agree with whoever said we need something to tell posters that the OP has been back and agreed she was BU.

How about a flashing title?

Hando - OP has already said pages ago that she's NOT going to do it.