Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another Wedding Thread

32 replies

DrunkenDaisy · 23/11/2009 12:45

Having read the recent wedding threads, I'm interested to know what you guys think about a situation that happened to me a couple of years ago, because tbh it still pisses me off when i think about it.

Ok, my oldest (not necessarily closest, but good friend) gets engaged. The wedding is planed to be very lavish. Friend asks my DD (who is her god daughter) to be bridesmaid, which is very kind and sweet. But when the invitation arrives she neglects to invite my partner. I email her to ask if he's invited, and she responds that no, he is not invited due to space and numbers etc.

Now, to be fair she had only met my partner a couple of times, and we weren't then married (we are now), and it's true the wedding was in a small exclusive location - prob no more than 70 people.

So AIBU for being gutted and pissed off to have to go to the wedding without my partner. Even my parents were invited fgs, but in retrospect this could be cos her parents forked out loads of money for it and therefore had a say in the invites.

Also, should mention, that I prob had a bit of a chip on my shoulder from having been a single mum for 6 yrs at that point and was thrilled to have finally met my DP....

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 23/11/2009 12:49

It was years ago, get over it

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 23/11/2009 12:49

If numbers were limited, then why should they be expected to invite everyone's current squeeze? They didn't know you were going to be with him long term at the time. I think it's a bit weird to have a wedding where you can't plan for guests plus one but at the end of the day he wasn't an established partner (was he? How long had you been together?) and it's kind of fair enough.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/11/2009 12:50

How long had you been with your partner at that time ?

Were you living together ?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/11/2009 12:51

maybe it's time to move on ? I mean it was a couple of years ago that's quite a long time to harbour ill feeling towards someone don't you think ?

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 23/11/2009 12:58

I don't harbour ill feeling, i'm just bored and wondered what people thought as you're usually so opinionated. haha.

i have got over it, just don't feel so 'bonded' with them since perhaps.

OP posts:
AvrilH · 23/11/2009 13:02

how long had you been with your DP?

iggypiggy · 23/11/2009 13:04

You should have done what one of our friends did at our wedding. We sent invite with his name on

StealthPolarBear · 23/11/2009 13:06

well hopefully you know how I feel as I said on the other thread! I think this is rude, did it once to DH's cousin but when she asked if her DP could come said yes, of course.

Sassybeast · 23/11/2009 13:08

How long had you been with your OH at the time ?

nickelbabe · 23/11/2009 13:12

yabu, really.

i was invited to the wedding and evening reception of a friend of ex's but not to the big sit down meal. so i had to go home inbetween and potter around for a few hours.

i wasn't annoyed because i wasn't invited. i was annoyed that other friends fiancees were invited to the sit down meal. but she explained afterwards (i think someone might have told her...) that she didn't know i was engaged.

get over it.

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 23/11/2009 13:20

we'd been together about 1 year.

i suppose it made me feel that i was just there to deliver and look after DD (the bridesmaid).

i guess in the first couple of years of a relationship being all loved up, i wanted to spend time with him - not as a single mum (again).

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 23/11/2009 13:26

After a year together YANBU.

My brother threw a dickie fit at my wedding because I initially sida that I didn't want his then girlfriend (of bout 2 months) included in a family picture with my mum nad dad. I was forced to relent and now have a lovely family pic with some long forgotten random woman showing a lot of cleavage and dubious fake tan included

WishYouWereMine · 23/11/2009 13:32

Hmm.. so what about what happened to me?

Friend gets engaged, asks me to be bridesmaid, very apologetic over the fact it was 'only' bridesmaid, not maid of honour.

Few months before the wedding, my cousin is now bridesmaid and I'm invited to the evening 'do'. She didn't actually tell me that I had been dropped as bridesmaid and left me to find out for myself.
Boyfriend of nearly 4 years not invited either - and this was not a small wedding by any means, the hotel was full of wedding guests spilling out of every room.

I'm not bitter.. honest :P

On.. or not?

StealthPolarBear · 23/11/2009 13:38

not on
not on after a year! only reason i didn;t invite cousin's oh was because theyd only been together weeks & wed never met him - had no idea if they were attending each other's family dos iyswim

busybutterfly · 23/11/2009 13:46

YABU. Their wedding, their invite list

MamaLazarou · 23/11/2009 13:50

YANBU - it would have annoyed me, too, in the same situation.

But for your own peace of mind it's probably best to forgive and forget about it now, instead of letting it spoil your friendship.

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 23/11/2009 14:15

thanks all.

yes, but the way i see it, i couldn't have said no thanks, because my kid was the bridesmaid and she couldn't exactly get there on her own. So to not be a complete meanie, i had to go and sit there like billy-no-boyfriend and have a shit time.

i do agree with the 'their wedding their list' rule, but i was put in a position where i couldn't say 'thanks, but no thanks' without being a bitch.

(Howdy MamaL!)

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 23/11/2009 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MorrisZapp · 23/11/2009 14:35

lol sassy - exact same situation here. My mum married my step dad a few years ago and my brothers 'current squeeze' at the time is thrusting herself in every direction in as many official family shots as she could get into.

He dumped her about three weeks after the wedding.

But she'll always be part of our family now, short lived as she was. She's grinning in those photos like it was her own wedding day, bless her.

Makes me feel a bit sorry for my lovely SIL who arrived on the scene not long after. Ah well, hindsight and all that.

lucasmama08 · 23/11/2009 14:38

YAB a tiny bit U - but I can still see where you are coming from!

Weddings are expensive and costs can quickly spiral out of control (e.g. if you make an exception for X you have to for Y and Z too) it's a political minefield! You do have to make lots of hard decisions when planning a wedding on a budget so try not to take it too personally.

Did he at least get an invite to the evening? I would probably expect at least that.

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 23/11/2009 14:48

I would have been happy with that, but no.

nevermind. I'm sure I pissed off loads of people with my wedding.

this thread was more about canvassing views rathan taking delayed umbrage at the situation!

OP posts:
ImSportacus · 23/11/2009 15:12

Why on earth would anyone send out a single invite to an adult? Do they sit making value judgements as to the validity of people's relationships? It's downright rude.

My cousin did it to me recently, sent an invite excluding my partner (we've only been together for 12 years, during which time DP has attended every family function I've gone to) and I was absolutely livid. Whereas I wouldn't have been remotely offended if they hadn't invited me at all.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 23/11/2009 15:20

YABU - you weren't billy no mates, your daughter AND your parents were there.

Honestly, you can't breathe without upsetting someone when you're organising a wedding. Get over it and give your friend a break, she had your daughter as BM FGS, that would have cost her a packet.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/11/2009 15:41

yanbu

you were a close friend and your dd (her gd) was being bridesmaid

she should have invited your partner or put +1 on invite - you had been together for a year

tinkerbellesmuse · 23/11/2009 16:08

She should have invited your partner.

When I got married I invited a friend who was part of my "group" but not terribly close to her and didn't invite her live in boyf who I had only met once or twice. Just seemed the "right" thing as numbers were tight and who wants a stranger at their wedding? Anyway she was very sweet but explained to me that they came as a pair and it would feel very strange to her to come alone. I felt quite bad when she put it like that.

However Yabu to not have got over this!