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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick and tired of being a single parent???

40 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:30

I've had enough now.

exp is a twunt.... he doesnt contribute practicly, emotionally or financially and im tired. (csa are being pretty useless)

I hate the fact that men can just walk away from their responsibilities as parents when a relationship breaks down and the huge weight of parenting gets left to the mothers who are then blamed for disfunctional families by stupid politicians who have no footing in the real world.

My house is a shit hole and the only way im going to get it sorted is to get rid of the kids for a few days but there is no one to have them so as a result everything gets done at a snails pace.

Im turning into a bloody emotional wreck!

OP posts:
halfcut · 20/11/2009 23:34

feel for you..it ain't easy ..have a rant on here

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:36

sorry.... all i ever do on here is moan but right now i dont know whether to baang my head against a wall or cry.

I wish he would just help out a bit more.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 20/11/2009 23:38

No answers, just understanding and sympathy here, you're not alone. YAcertainlyNOTBU.

On the plus side, the benefit is that we have no-one to answer to, we don't have to argue whether we go to his folks or ours at Christmas and we don't have to negotiate where we go or what we do. If we want to take the DC to our friends/mums this weekend we don't have to fit in or discuss it with anyone else, we can just go.

Plus neither of us have to wash his goddamn pants any more or pick his socks up off the bedroom floor!

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:40

Amen to the pants..... i dont think he knew what loo paper was for.

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 20/11/2009 23:42

You are not being unreasonable to feel this way. If everything has to be done at a snails pace, then so be it. This might sound trite ( I have been there) but my advice would be to look after yourself right now: take long leisurely baths, go to bed early, eat well. Simple things that can help to reduce a decline in your well-being.

If the children are old enough, get them to contribute in doing the housework.

Boys2mam · 20/11/2009 23:47

How old are the kids?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:49

theyre only little. Ds (nearly 2 1/2) will put away his toys before bed and put his jim jams on himself but thats about it. dd is nearly 1 1/2 so not quite so independant.

I just dont seem to be able to keep up with the housework no matter how hard I try and recently my family have been making really nasty comments.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 20/11/2009 23:49

Oh dear Charlotte... your ex isn't mine by any chance is he?

caramelwaffle · 20/11/2009 23:50

snap

Boys2mam · 20/11/2009 23:52

Thats an awful amount of pressure.

Ex-H lives 300 miles away and was no use in the beginning for DS but I just had the one.

Do you have any support in RL apart from ex-p?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:55

vallhala he could be.... he has enough kids.... just needs a couple more and he could have his own football team. (didnt know any of this untill we had split)

OP posts:
Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/11/2009 23:56

My mum is about and has helped out a lot in the past butshe is being a bit funny about it at the moment.

OP posts:
Fruitysunshine · 20/11/2009 23:58

This may sound a bit strange but I sometimes miss being a single parent. (My hubby is sitting next to me playing on the PS3) I have to make decisions with someone else in mind and my children have to fit into a "bigger family" that includes my step children. We were just talking about this the other night.

I know what you mean about having a useless ex who contributes nothing at all; my exh left a couple of weeks before DD1 was born in November, was the worst time ever. CSA were rubbish in making him pay anything whilst he carried on having children with somebody else.

Have you got a support network? Somebody who could have the kids for a morning or afternoon so you can get on with something you want to do?

caramelwaffle · 21/11/2009 00:03

If your family are nearby, visiting regularly and making nasty comments regarding the housework then the next time they come to the house, say something along the lines of "oh yes. I'm glad you noticed the mess. It really is awful. It's hard to cope on my own. I know you love me, and want to help me, so if you don't mind I have drawn up small roster or the day. If you all help me tackle a room each today, we could get this place looking fantastic. I'm soooo glad you love me and want to help me. Thank you"

Housework can at times be crapwork.

Do ensure you get as much sleep as possible.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 21/11/2009 00:14

Having trouble sleeping at the moment. Student finance have messed up my loan so it has buggered me up financially as im still waiting for it. Thats stressing me out a lot.

the comments came the other day when i was t my mums. the kids got out a load of toys and made a mess and before i had a chance to tidy up my mum went mad and said I may not mind my house looking like a slum but she doesnt want me to mess hers up.
I really dont think any of them have a clue how hard it is with 2 small children. My mum was widowed when we were kids so understands some of it but we were all a lot older and capeable of helping out.

Im so worried about slipping back into depression.

dont really feel i can ask anyone to have the kids..... dont really have many friends and feel i cant ask my family agin.

OP posts:
kissyfurschaos · 21/11/2009 00:22

yanbu
It is so bloody hard as a single parent.
EXP is also a twunt. Doesnt help out AT ALL in fact even went so far as being charged with threatening to kill me for going to the CSA,now he has dropped his hours at work, enrolled at college and avoided any further CSA payments- from a grand total of 2 in ds's 27 months. He is probably back working full time now and dropped out of college but I don't have the energy to persue CSA. anymore.
I hope you get some support. I completely understand my house is ALWAYS a tip. I am always knackered and have forgotten who I used to be before being 'mummy.'
Hope you are ok today.

caramelwaffle · 21/11/2009 00:25

I think you should seriously look at making contact with your G.P.

It is very late and you should really try to get as much sleep as you can.
Run a hot bath, and make yourself a relaxing drink (fruit tea/milk etc)

If you enjoy reading, get out a book and mentally escape for an hour or so. This really did save my sanity on more than one occasion.

kissyfurschaos · 21/11/2009 00:26

Just read your latest post. So sorry. It is so hard emotionally and finacially. I only have parents in late 60's and my dad is in bad health so apart from the days when DS is at nursery when I'm working it's constant.
So very hard. I am guessing it will get slightly easier as they get older.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 21/11/2009 00:28

thanks kissy.... i think im over tired.

It really gets to me that nothing in his life has changed since having kids and i have totally lost my whole identity. I am bessotted with my kids but its hard to be a fun chilled out mummy when everything is on your sholders.

OP posts:
Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 21/11/2009 00:30

Thanks for being so nice everyone. Think i will try and get some sleep and pray that ds sleeps through..... he isnt sleeping too well at the moment.

I find this place such a great help. sat here crying..... its nice to have people being nice to me for once. recently everyone seems so cross with me. even the kids are funny with me..... ds keeps shouting at me and hitting me. Hopefully it will pass. nightx

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 21/11/2009 00:33

Goodnight, spooky x

kissyfurschaos · 21/11/2009 00:35

spooky I understand you 100 % DS is my world but I long for a little bit of who I used to be.
I am either looking after DS,at work or college or too bloody knackered to do anything else.
End up staying up late online and then hate getting up early next morning.
Do you go to any toddler groups etc? just wondering. if you'd meet anyone in similar circumstances so could help each other out with babysitting etc..
I don't as mine is on a work day- typical! Would your health visitor be worth chatting to?

kissyfurschaos · 21/11/2009 00:36

Take Care Spooky, Hope you get a good nights sleep- I know it helps.
I have an idea you don't live a million muiles from me. I'm in South West x

poshsinglemum · 21/11/2009 03:57

yanbu

but he is missing out on his kids so he's the looser. your kids are a credit to you.

zookeeper · 21/11/2009 04:45

Hi Spooky

I feel your pain! Think we all have the same ex!?

Have you tried Homestart? They have volunteers who come round and act as family friends - they would keep the kids occupied in one room whilst you tackle another?

It's draining when the house is a tip - mine gets on top of me. For now could you concentrate on keeping one room tidy, like the kitchen? Things don't seem as bad when the draining board is clear and clean, even if the rest of the place is falling down.

hope you feel better soon

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