to be sick and tired of being a single parent???

[spookycharlotte121]

I've had enough now.

exp is a twunt.... he doesnt contribute practicly, emotionally or financially and im tired. (csa are being pretty useless)

I hate the fact that men can just walk away from their responsibilities as parents when a relationship breaks down and the huge weight of parenting gets left to the mothers who are then blamed for disfunctional families by stupid politicians who have no footing in the real world.

My house is a shit hole and the only way im going to get it sorted is to get rid of the kids for a few days but there is no one to have them so as a result everything gets done at a snails pace.

Im turning into a bloody emotional wreck!

Hi Spooky,

i hope you managed to get some rest last night.

I feel your pain, I just have the one DS who is now 3 1/2 and spilt with my exh when DS was about 9 months. Ex has been an arse throughout.

I found the year from about 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 was so tough that some mornings I didn't know how I was going to put one foot infront of the other let alone function all day, do the housework, provide stimulating play for DS etc etc.

From a practical point of view you mention your DS has got really shouty and I think it's a typical phase when they are starting to develop independence and are learning how to deal with thier feelings (up to this point they have expressed everything through crying and suddenly they are starting to put labels on how they feel) - mine did this about the time he was ready for potty training and he was shouting, biting and generally had a total personality transformation. my best tricks for dealing with it were. establishing a 'sit down and count to 20' everytime he did something that went too far, putting one or more of his toys 'in the cupboard' until he calmed down and apologised and most importantly, when he kicked off I would speak in a whisper, he'd have to stop shouting to hear me. None of these things stopped it altogether, but it helped both of us with boundaries. We also used to go out walking loads and loads to physically tire him out and give us new things to talk about and the other game we played was on the thomas the tank engine website about the feelings of the engines it's very good.

I found that year so hard with him, and I do have a very good network so I can appreciate how tough it is on your own with 2.

But, it will pass, DS woke up one morning and apparently the personality pixie had visited him overnight and he was back to his charming self.

I hope some of this helps and I hope you don't feel I'm teaching you to suck eggs.

Big hugs
xM

Moring....feeling rather guilty this morning. Yelled at the kids at 7 and told them not to shout out as i wsnt getting up untill 9. gave them some juice etc and went back to bed.... we all fell asleep and i didnt wake up untill gone 12!!!
dd is with me now, she has had a bath and is now snuggled up with me on the sofa munching on some crisps. but ds is still asleep. Im gonna let him get on with it. I think he really needs it.

Kissy.... im in bristol

madascheese he is potty training atm so perhaps thaats why he seems so anygry. He went to bed in a foul mood last night but now (he has just got up whilst i have been writing this) is being lovely.... kissing me and being sweet.

they are supposed to be seeing their dad tomorrow but recently he hasnt been taking them out and has instead been staying in the house with them. Its really annoying as i end up doing most of the parenting and he doesnt interact with them much at all. might get some cooking stuff in so he can make biscuits with them then at least they will be out of my hair for 5 mins.

need to get a small patch of gardening done tomorrow whilst there is someone to supervise the kids.
need to also go to the tip..... lots to do.

not in the best of moods today.... have a list of things to do but have decided if i dont get them done i dont care. sausage and mash and x factor to look forward to.

thanks for being so nice to me on this thread.... i really dont feel i hve anyone to talk in rl that understands.

We need a law which says men after a split must have the children 50% of the time whether they like it or not. That would be a good start. Parents have the right to apply to see their children but children do not have one iota of right to force a parent to spend large amounts or even tiny amounts of time with the child. The parents have rights and children don't (nor the spoiuse who likes me has all 5 365 nights a year and works full time whilst supporting in a sense the lower earning ex - talk about a bad deal.....) Was my sister right to have her children alone by IVF? At least she didn't have to lose all her money to a man on divorce.

If we are going to be positive, as children get older they get a lot easier; you don't as people say above have arguments over who has the children when; you don't have disagreements over how the children are treated etc etc. And to be fair when we were married over 18 years he did as much if not more than I did at home and with the children.

My answer to you is always work full time even if you're a single parent with chidlren; pick lucrative work you enjoy and for those who trained as a call centre worker in their teens and earn virtually nothing for heaven's sake make sure your daughters pick well paid jobs.

Xenia - Your post about full time work is frankly ridiculous. Do you honestly think most 20 year olds with 2 children under 3 can "pick lucrative work you enjoy". You are in cloud cuckoo land! Sorry Charlotte - I don't know anything about your financial situation but that comment just struck me as absurd.

Spooky - I hope you've had a good day with your children. I found it really hard work with 2 young children with a supportive husband, so I think you must be doing a fantastic job just getting by day to day. Don't be too hard on yourself - by the way, my house is a disaster area too......

TBH i dont think i would want exp to have them 50% of the time.... dont really like many of his morals or ethics but it would be nice if once or twice a week he would pop over and feed them their tea (which i would be happy to cook) bath them aand put them to bed..... or he drives a txi and works split shifts.... insteaad of playing on faacebook he could give me aa few hours off.... except he wont.

Im at uni so working full time is out of the question i do however plan to go back to work once I graduate but this will be on a part time basis untill theyre at school as i want to still get to bring them up.

we have had a nice day actually.... we made a snuggly pitt of duvets and have watched chitty chitty bang bang..... kids have really enjoyed it aand im supprised at their level of concentration. they have wandered off every so often but then come back to the duvets and settled down to watch the film again. have got the ingredients together so that they can bake biscuits with their daad tomorrow insteaad of being left to plaay whiclst he watches tv.

I do agree with xenia in a way..... much more should be done by the government to insure that dads at least make a financial contribution to their childrens upkeep. Single mothers are looked down on by so maany politicians but actually its the absent fathers they need to look at!

I was a graduate at age 20. I worked v ery very hard indeed to get there. I was also paying for child care for 3 children under 5 by the time I was aged 26. It is possible and in the end when you get older you are so pleased you picked a proper career.

Also I wasn't just saying fathers should pay. I was saying they should be forecd to have the children every other week. That then gives the mother a break and makes it easier for her to work full time too.

Anyway mothers always get blamed, it's how paternalistic societies work.

I think my more important though for women is that it is worth working very hard in your 20s full time even if you have babies because actually in the end it is much much easier because you earn a lot more eventually, you are not dependent on a man and also it does give you a break. When people say qwasn't it physically hard for me to be back at full time work when the babies were 2 weeks old, I almost laugh. I had very very bad sleepnig babies and the bliss after tha tlast morning breastfeed of closing the door and getting on a train and being able to read a book for 30 minutes without a baby all over me and then go into an office where people are adult and largely nice to you and even though expressing milk at work is not easy it is a huge lot easier than mnding babies 24./7 for which you get little thanks, no pay and no status. Full time work rules for women. You have your cake and eat it.

Im studying landscape and garden design.... not exactly a proper career but hopefully in a few years time when i have some practicle experiance I will be able to have my own business which is usually pretty lucrative financially.

Its hard work being at uni with kids and i do feel a little guilty that i spend a lot of time comuting getting there and when im not there im studying but hopefully it will be worth it eventually.

I agree that you get no thanks for being a parent but I do love it and i think once its not my 24/7 job and i hve a career i will enjoy it all the more, hence not going full time untill theyre both in school. I dont want to miss out on them growing up.

They have made me bother to go to uni and have made me work hard.

Xenia - I think full time work is great for some women, but not for those who actually enjoy spending time with their children and want to play an integral part in their upbringing. Time for yourself is great, but returning to work after 2 weeks is supremely selfish.

Spooky - good luck with the studies. Sounds like you are setting up a good future for you and your children. Try to focus on that when the little things start getting you down.

Sweetie - I'm so pleased you had a lovely day you sound much more chilled now. I'm also glad you said DS was potty training, honestly once he's through that you'll see a massive difference.

Chin up Petal, you'll get through you sound like a very determined and loving Mummy and those kids are lucky to have you. Keep up the good work
xM

thanks madascheese.

He is doing well with the potty training if he has no nappy on but the moment he hs pants on he wets himself bless him. he can even hold his wee in when he is asleep when he has no paants on.

thanks for all the support today.

hopefully tomorrow with exp will be nice aand uneventful.

Sppoky I feel your pain!
My 2 are older (8 and nearly 2) and I find it almost impossible to get any house work done, and am ashamed by my house sometimes!

My XH is an arse of the highest order, he thinks his few days a month are done as a hige favour to me, and he contributes nothing financially or practically!

I reckon I am a good few years older than you , and I do have a very good well paid job (thanks Xenia), not sure it makes it any easier, except I am still paying off my XH's debts and more or less supporting him (not willingly)!

It does get easier as the DC get older, but it is very very hard, you sound like you are doing great just keep going, your DC will know one day and be grateful to you for thier life

Charlotte - I wanna HIGH FIVE YOU!!!! Well done, the only way out I have seen is doing a degree which I am currently studying for. There is no other way for me, I hate being told what to do, so would prefer to work for for myself and raise my DD with an understanding that just because her father is not around, does not mean we suffer. She has never suffered, I have always provided for her, and have a very very happy, funny content child.

I spend most days ashamed of my house. Ds wont settle.... he is really hyper and there is no way i can put him to bed like this coz he will wake dd.... once he is asleep i have bout 2 hours worth of housework to do but aat least it will be done for tomorrow then.

OMG my ex is the same.... he seems to think he is doing me a favour with his pathetic contribution on a sunday and last week had a go at me saying my critocism of his finanacal contribution or lack of it was beginning to upset him!!! WTF???

I haave learnt I can give my kids pretty much everything.... you just have to shop around. so most of their clothes aand toys come from asda or primark but they dont know any differently.

heres to the future.... hopwfully older babies and a stable job will make life that easier to cope with.

Oh, honey. I have a DH and I can't hold it together some days! We've been arguing about it recently as I have 3 part time jobs and want to get rid of one so that I can actually keep up with the housework. He doesn't think we can afford it. GRRRR...

Anyway, I wish I lived by you, I'd come help you out! You're doing a fabulous job I'm sure. Good luck to you and I hope things get better.