To want to wait another couple of years for kids?

[Kiwiinkits]

OK here goes. I'm a career girl. I have a great job which required a lot of hard slog to attain (2 degrees, advanced post-grad quals, long hours in the early years). I'm 30, and I've just reached the point in my career which has me running projects, flying around the world to advise clients, managing staff, earning great money etc. Things are going well in the career department shall we say. Thing is, I'm getting married in a few months. My husband to be is 40, wants kids, and wants to start TTC immediately. He is in consulting, runs a business from home, and is successful in his own right. I like kids and I think I would be a great Mum, if I chose to give my job up. I think he'd be a great Dad, too, but sometimes I wonder whether he realises what sacrifices children require. I think he likes the thought of being a Dad, but he probably won't like the reality as much, IYSWIM. Can't see him really sticking with being a SAHD. Thing is, I don't really know if I can manage both a great job and a great family life. The age old dilemma for us modern girls!
My parents were wonderful to us growing up. My mother, who was a SAHM, gave us 100% attention and love. I want to be able to do the same. It just means sacrificing so much...

So. AIBU to ask my husband to be to give me a couple more years of career? Or, should I just realise that there's never a good time to start a family and just jump right in?

Thanks

The saddest person I know is a friend who wanted to wait until her career was established before having children. At the age of 32 she and her husband decided the time was right. After 2 years ttc, they found out that the only way she was going to conceive was via ivf. They had ,I believe, 2 courses, both of which failed. By then, they were too old to adopt and could not go through IVF again, cost being a factor as well as the emotional upheaval.It put such a strain on their marriage. They love each other, but she always feels there is something missing. Especially now that family and friends are becoming grandparents and there are lots of babies in her life.

I suppose the answer to your question is to consider how you would feel if that scenario applied to you. As others have said, is it really a case of career or baby?

I hope you can find the right decision for you.

we discussed roles/expectation many times before pg.planned out which nursery,joint account for fees etc.really helped to understand each other perspective and make plans

so before pg had identified nursery,knew how long mat leave i'd take,thought about practical stuff car seat,car etc having said that nothing prepares you for a baby.v makes it a but at least discussing expectation etc makes it a bit clearer for both of you

you can have a career and have children - just need good childcare in either a nanny, cm or nursery and help and support from your dh

he sounds very cavemanish to me

me hunter you stay at homer!!

yes of course children and career are compatible.plan adequate childcare

Having a child really does change your perspective on life. It's one of those things you really can't explain to someone who hasn't gone through it. In my case, I completely lost interest in anything outside the home for the first year of my firstborn's life and I was grateful that I had the option to stay at home.
As time goes on, though, you do start wanting to use your brain again at some point.
Do you definitely want children? If so, then I think you should start trying straight away.
I'm totally jealous, of course. You have the career I "could-have-had-but-didn't". I got as far as a masters degree then got married and pregnant at the age of 24.
I seriously doubt you'll regret having a child, though.

Quick update. FH and I found out that I'm pregnant at the weekend. So, here goes nothing.... wish me luck!

Congratulations

And good luck- I'm sure it will all work out for you.

you are young enough to wait, 30 is practically pram face these days!

But why do you think you cant have career and babies? I work 5 days FT, and will do when I have DC2.

colditz! say it how it is girlfiend!!!

but agree they are a huge undertaking, dont do it unless you really want to...