to send my DC's to nursery over the Christmas period?

[Ceebee74]

My nursery is open every day (apart from the bank hols) over the Christmas period, including Christmas Eve. I am working upto and including 23rd Dec and then not back until the 5th January. Dh is also off work for this period aswell.

I know I am definitely going to send them to nursery on Christmas Eve as I will need some space to get organised (we are hosting Christmas lunch this year) but will pick them up sometime after lunch.

I am also considering sending them for maybe a couple of days in between even though me and DH will both be at home. The main reasons for this are that it would give us a chance to do some stuff round the house that desperately needs doing and also, we have no babysitters and have not been out as a couple in the evening since DS1 was born 3.5 years ago (get your violins out ) so the only way we can get some 'couple' time is to use days when the boys are in nursery and we have a day off work at the same time - we might go out for a leisurely lunch, shopping, cinema - but just be able to do what we want at our pace. Also, this is just an aside, we will be paying for the nursery anyway.

However, it does seem a little bit 'wrong', particularly with it being Christmas.

AIBU?

well, we're all musing aren't we. Musing for the Other Side doesn't equate with hyacinth bucket

I think it quite possible depends on your DC's personalities too.

DD is 14 months and the polar opposite to her brother. You can have a relaxing day with her of sorts. You can take her for a coffee, out for a meal, to a friends house. She will potter and play on her own for at least an hour or so or play nicely with you. Shopping is fine. If I just had her I would probably keep her at home .

DS (3.5) on the other hand is a live wire. He does not stop talking or sit still and needs to be entertained the whole time. If you let them play together someone will cry. DS is an angel though if entertained and is one of the children who genuinely loves and thrives from nursery.

Saying that - a few people have mentioned having time off at other times of the year - when exactly? Why does it matter what time of the year it is? The children in question are 3 and 1 - they have no real concept or understanding of excitement and father christmas. My DS is just starting to get it but he wont understand the concept of 'tomorrow'.

Well I think YABU Ceebee. But thats only because I think you are a numpty for never having gone out in the evenings for the last 3.5 yrs. And I have told you that before.
Tee hee.

But re this, no YANBU. Like you I pay for ds2 anyway. So he will be in for one day, over christmas, whilst I have a special day with ds1.

If people say they would never do it, I suspect it is becasue they either get alot of time to themselves, or don't desire any more time to themselves.
Neither of which applies to me.
Go for it girl. This is such a small scale thing in life. I don't think any psychological damage is going to be done here !!

And back to my original 2quibble with Ceebee, Ceeb's do you and dh never get invited out ?
Are you friendless ? Never go for a meal with another couple. Never go to a works christmas party ? or a friends party where you dress up at 007 and eat canapes (and other 70's shit).
Do you never do this ?
Do you refuse every social engagement?
or do you not get asked ?
Do you both have bad b.o. and dh have farty breath ?

Just wondering ?
Because along with the MN party, I am going to 5 other parties this year ( Normally only invited to ... possible 1) so I wonder , how have you managed all this time, for the last 3.5 yrs and when are you planning to change this ?

Only teasing

Peppa's descriptions of her DC mirror mine exactly (no surprise there then ) and I have never once had a relaxing day at home with my DC's!! DS1 needs constant entertaining - if not, he starts misbehaving, hurting his baby bro etc so me and DH are constantly having to think up places to go, things to do etc. So those days in between Christmas and New Year would not be all lovely, cosy, family days but would end up with me and DH being exhausted by DS1's demands/need for company or costing us a fortune whilst we drag them both to some 'fun' activities/chaotic play areas - which would be an extra cost on top of the £50 a day we have already paid to the nursery!!

I am guessing those people who would never think of sending their DC's to nursery whilst they are off do not have DC's like my DS1

Flibberty you have indeed being sending your boys to the wrong nursery I didn't realise your nursery shut down between Christmas and New Year. I would find that really difficult as I do usually work a couple of days in between (have been lucky this year that I am not) so what would I do with my boys then??? We have also dropped hints about the staff taking DS1 home with them overnight but funnily enough, they never take us up on it

Obs you have uncovered my secret although I don't have bad BO (as I hope Flibberty could confirm )

No the truth is that me and DH are quite insular homebody people and never really went out that much before we had DC's either! Plus we don't really have any 'couples' as friends - I have my friends, DH has his friends, so we tend to go out indiviudally whilst the other one stays home.

Don't get me wrong - me and DH are generally quite happy with how it is and enjoy having our 'couple' time during the day as we both love spending the day traipsing round shops, having a long lunch etc - in fact we probably prefer that to a meal in an evening.

ceebee hey you
of course send them! I will be sending ds1 in and getting some help for ds2 for a few hours as dh and i are in need of some well overdue us time and afternoon delight (loving that phrase).

it is hard work being at home with 2 of them and if you get a bit of time for the two of you then do it.

Gosh I would DEFINITELY do this, in fact, I will be! A whole day at home with me being frantic about Christmas is no fun at all. They have all sorts of fun at nursery, there is a real festive atmosphere and the staff are high on chocolates.

The nursery staff can't bugger off because most companies are open on Christmas Eve, so most working parents still have to work.

I pick mine up after lunch, we go to the church afternoon crib service - and that kicks off Christmas for us. It's fab.

So the adults get to decide they would like to spend quality time with each other, but the children have no say in whether they would like to spend time with their parents even though their parents are actually available to spend quality time with them?

I just can't get my head around that.

So yes, I think it's wrong to put the children in nursery when you'll be at home. But I would say that for any time of the year - not just Christmas.

My sister puts her ds2 into nursery during the holidays even if her ds1 is off school, and equally I find that hard to get my head around, esp as they pretend to take ds1 to school (he gets dropped off after ds2) when dropping ds2 at nursery so he won't realize his brother is at home and he's being sent to nursery otherwise he would refuse to go.

think spending quality time with the children is far more important than spending time with dh at this stage. The children are only this age for such a short time - you will never get it back. But one day they will leave home and then you will have all the quality time you want with your dh.

And back to my original 2quibble with Ceebee, Ceeb's do you and dh never get invited out ?

Errr yes I'm afraid that's us BTW. We get Granny to babysit twice a year on our birthdays so we have a meal together and that's it. We don't have any babysitters around in the locality. Most of my friends are in the same boat. We go out loads - but never as a couple.

Hey Flick - you enjoy your 'us' time with your DH and his moustache

Wannabe I can see your point of view about me and DH having plenty of quality time after the boys have grown up but, and I know this sounds like I am justifying my decision, my DS1 actually really really enjoys nursery - in fact, I do believe that he enjoys his days there more than he does at home so for him, if he was old enough to really understand the choice, I do think he would choose to be at nursery and playing with his friends rather than at home. Obviously if he didn't enjoy it, I would maybe think twice about it but that is not the case. Also, I think that if me and DH don't make an effort now when the DC's are young, then there might not be an 'us' in years to come (yes I know that sounds dramatic but could well be the case).

Btw, in addition, I will be taking them a bit later and picking them earlier so they will be having shorter days (not like I am going to have them there at 7am and pick them up at 6pm )

Under normal circumstances I'd say go for it...but Christmas always feels sacred to me.
Not that we're religious - we're not- but because life is fairly hectic the rest of the time, it's the one period where we close the door, pull out the tin of QS and hunker down.

Children need holidays too. Proper breaks from their daily routines, not just a couple of days.

Go for it, the only reason I wouldn't use it is because it would mean getting up and leaving the house.

Obviously, do what you want - if you're comfortable with it, you don't need approval from strangers. Agree with whoever said that this is not one for AIBU.
What would I do in your position? I would spend the free day time with my children, and be hugely looking forward to it. Then I'd book a babysitter for the evening and go out with my DH. I agree about making an effort to be together as a couple, but why does this have to mean the children are out of the house? There's also the plain old cuddling-on-the-sofa-laughing-about-something-on-TV-whilst-having-a-glass-of-wine thing? Easy, intimate, inexpensive, fun.

Also hugely agree with Fairymum - Children need as much of a break from routine as you do.

It is possible that your children are demanding and excitable when they are at home with you precisely because they don't get much of an opportunity to command your attention.

But what are they having a break from? Its not as if nursery are sitting them in rows and forcing them to learn the alphabet. They do fun things, have quite corners - all the stuff DS like doing. Sometimes DS sits in the corner with a book on his own. Sometimes he even has a nap on the beanbags. They dont make them do anything. With an active child who will not sit still at home where is the difference? I am genuinely asking here. Its not like he will spend the day lazing on the sofa - he will be bouncing on it by 7 am . The quality street would be gone by 7.15 am!

Like Ceebee (obviously ) my DS genuinely loves nursery! I asked him the other day whether he wanted to stay home with me (I was working from home but didnt have a lot on) or go to nursery and he said nursery to play with his friends! He cried when I suggested he stay home for the day.

I agree there is also the financial factor. I have to pay £60 a day and DS is just not a child who stays in all day. It will no doubt be awful weather as this is the UK. We will end up having to pay for things on top of that. If we have to book a babysitter for the evening as well - thats going to cost even more.

Wannabee - do you ever get a break from the children? Genuine question. When do you have a break?

Most of my friends are in the same situation - they all have children and dont go out much. By the time the children are in bed they are too exhausted to arrange a party!

Anyway isnt the whole point that we are talking about one or two days here not forever? I really dont get the issue - the DC's spend time with the family and then go to nursery for a day or two doing things they genuinely like doing

Nigglewiggle

DS is just as excitable at nursery - just it is channeled there as there is space to run, friends to play with. If DS has friends at home it is a million times easier.

To ruin your theory DD is not excitable. Its not like she has any more attention - in fact less as her brother gets it all!

Peppa - under mormal circs I'd say fill your boots - I'm not someone who believes children need to spend every second with their folks.
Nor do I believe that parents must sacrifice their own happiness for their kids...

it's just that xmas is, to my mind anyway, not for organised activities. It's for down time.
If you spend a lot of time together en famille then fair enough, but for most of us, with hectic lives, it's the one week when we just enjoy each others company for the sake of it. No chores, no shopping, no organised activities.
And the weather's never that bad...we go for a walk every day. Then settle down to Poirot/Monopoly/Dairy Milk.
C'mon...you know you want to

Ds1 started school this year and ds2 does next year, so I'm having a year where I still pay for nursery but have to take some time off if ds1 at home.
So ds2 will still go to nursery the days its open again in Jan even though ds2 won't be back at school straight away. Same as on thurs and fri ds1 goes to school while ds2 is at home with me or dp.
Sometimes its nice to spend quality time with your dp.
Sometimes its nice to spend quality time with your school age child.
Sometimes its nice to spend quality time with your nursery age child.

QUITE OFTEN we all spend quality time altogether as a family. Its just that we don't neeeeeeeeeeed to do this ALL the time!
Ceebee I know how it is with an older bro wondering how far back his brothers navel goes... how far up a nostril he can fit a crayon...

ps my sense of smell is badly affected by my allergy induced rhinitis

Litchick - time at home with me, dp and our two very lively 3 and 4 year old boys erm... well its not really down time, its full on activities, feeding, referee-ing fights (us refereeing the boys scraps that is not the other way round ) so we need lots organised other wise we would all go bonkers. And they are not old enough for Poirot or monopoly!

litchick I think this is the issue isnt it - whether time will the DC's is a whirlwind or whether you can play monopoly. Mine are 3.4 and 14 months so sitting down together is just not an option. I agree its lovely to have some down time but the christmas period is around 10 days. Splitting it up by them having a few hours in nursery for a day or two will actually make a huge difference to how much we all enjoy the days they are at home. When they are a bit older and they actually enjoy certain things such as a film or a game then that will be different. At the moment I cant leave the room for 2 minutes without someone ending up in tears.

There is a study - I will dig it out from my notes - where they observed siblings who were both under 4 years old and found that they could have up to 40 disagreements in an hour! Now that is not relaxing for anyone.

Oh and I live in Wales by the sea - the weather is that bad

Until i had children i used to think this was very wrong, but now i am a sahm i wish she did go to nursery (only for a couple of days though)

I would have no problems using nursery over the christmas period (if it was open!).

Whether I would depends on a number of factors:

• Whether I use childfree time to catch up on X'mas related chores. All very well for someone who is able to break the back of it on her own time. A lot of working parents have not option but to leave it to the last minute and then go like the clappers.

• The age and ease of the children. I will keep my dcs at home (6 and 3). They will enjoy going out to choose and decorate a christmas tree. Not if they were younger. They also play nicely with each other at this age, which takes the pressure off me and dh.

• Also, the younger they are, the less likely they understand the significance of christmas anyway. So they are not missing out. My children are old enough to be 'incentivised' to be good so that father christmas will bring them their chosen presents.

Christmas eve I wouldn't - it's such a lovely family Christmassy day and I love having the kids help make a bloody mess cook mince pies and stuff 'Sentimental sigh'.

Days between Christmas and New Year though, I'd absolutely go for it