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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to lend my pram to a friend?

43 replies

wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 20:20

My friend is expecting her third child, the pram she used for her first two children has broken. I'm not having any more children, and so my (lovely) pram is sitting in my attic. I have lent it to one friend who looked after it and returned it in pristine condition. I'd said to her if anything happened to it, not to worry, but I knew she'd look after it.

My now-pregnant friend is less careful with things and I'm in a quandry over whether to offer her my pram to use when the baby is born (a winter baby so it is nice to have a pram to enclose him or her in).

On one hand, I won't use it again, it will do her a turn as prams are expensive and are used for a relatively short time. On the other hand, I do feel ridiculously sentimental about my babies' pram! And I would like to offer the pram to relatives in the future, so if it was damaged through lack of care I would be upset.

AIBU to hesitate to offer the pram for her to use?

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 17/11/2009 20:22

No you are NOT
its your pram
this friend would likely damage it and then you would feel you should not have borrowed it
SO don`t

differentID · 17/11/2009 20:22

not at all especially if she is habitually careless.

If you knew there was a chance that she would return say, a book, or a party dress, or a dvd damaged in some way would you lend them in the first place?

I wouldn't.

thisisyesterday · 17/11/2009 20:25

no, you aren't being unreasonable. it's your pram, and if you don't want to lend it out that's absolutely fine

groundhogs · 17/11/2009 20:28

Your pram, your rules!

MmmHmm · 17/11/2009 20:28

Don't lend it. Your friend will probably have another friend to borrow a pram from, or she can pick one up 2nd hand maybe.

If your pram has sentimental value and you don't want to risk it being spoiled then that's totally your perogative. If you're not going to have any more DCs then its no wonder it's got sentimental value. I wouldn't lend my crib to anyone (would lend lots of other stuff but just not that) so I know how you feel.

ComeONFabStopStressingSOMuch · 17/11/2009 20:31

Don't offer. Why would you? If she asks, you will have to think of something to say though.

I still have my babies pram and while I have tried to sell it at times I am glad in didn't go in the end.

radstar · 17/11/2009 20:32

yanbu - If I lent something I loved to someone and they didn't look after it I would feel really sad and probably angry, like they didn't appreciate it.

ya also nbu if you want to save it for family members to use, you have the perfect excuse if she ever asked if it was going free. Make a distant relative up if necessary.

My Mum has her 1970s silver cross coach built pram from my childhood and has taken great pleasure taking her first (of many hopefully) grandchild out in it. I like the history associated with it so don't mind even if it is a little old fashioned maybe your children will too? x

Bathsheba · 17/11/2009 20:33

I wouldn;t - prams can be very very sentimental items - if you'd be upset to see her in the street with it covered in baby sick and half chewed tea biscuits then don't lend her it...

If she asks then mention something about selling it after Christmas or something similar...

NeedaNewName · 17/11/2009 20:34

I thought you m eant she's already asked and you were looking to find a way out of lettuing her use it.

She hasn;t asked though has she so you're really making a problem out of nothing.

If and when she does ask you can just say no and say you are saving it for xxx. End of.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 20:36

You've made me feel a bit better. I feel as though me being sentimental (and judgmental about her ability to look after things!) will end up costing her money that she hasn't really got, esp with No3 on the way.

But I would feel sad if it were damaged, although I did lend it to a friend that I know would appreciate what it meant to me. But part of me thinks it's just a glorified shopping trolley cluttering up my loft and it could do someone a favour and I should get over myself!

OP posts:
radstar · 17/11/2009 20:47

It's not your problem whether she can afford it or not, you obviously have a strong attachment to it and it isnt' harming anyone in the loft.

If you really wanted someone else to benefit from it and it would probably be best not to see it again, then give it to a charity, either to for them to sell or to use.

In our hospital they have a couple of prams to take small children to x-ray etc they are quite tatty now, I'm sure they would love a new one. Maybe your local children's ward would be the same.

everlong · 17/11/2009 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihatemyjob · 17/11/2009 20:59

I can't imagine wanting to keep my pram. I gave mine to a charity which helps teenage mums. The cot is going there too.

You may well be offended when relatives in the future don't want a second hand one/old fashioned one. Some first time mothers are a tad particular. I would have loved to been given one.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 20:59

Everlong, I was expecting more responses along the lines of yours! It seems I'm not the only (overly) sentimental mummy . But the logical side of me agrees with you. I just can't quite bring myself to let go of the pram (all the other baby stuff has been given to friends or donated to charity).

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 21:01

ihatemyjob - I agree with you too! The pram may well just gather dust and I'll feel bad about not giving it to be used by someone who needs it.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 17/11/2009 21:03

i think it would be different though if you were letting go of it properly wqouldn't it?

ie, oif you wanted to sell it to her (or anyone else) then that would be quite different

but i wouldn't want to lend it, then have it back and it be broken or ruined, that would be horrible.
and the fact is that when you lend stuff out you have to be prepared that that might happen. so if you don't want that, then you just don't lend it (unless you're sure they will take super good care of it)

rachels103 · 17/11/2009 21:03

I think you are perfectly reasonable to be sentimental about it. I wouldn't have thought she'd ask either - I don't think I would.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 21:10

She wouldn't ask, it's more me thinking that there's no logical reason not to just give it to her, it's gathering dust and it would do her a favour. And the reason I'm not offering it is purely sentiment. And I'm usually pretty pragmatic: she needs a pram, I have one that is not being used, so hand it over.

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 21:12

thisisyesterday, that is right, I'd see it getting gradually dilapidated and that might bother me!

OP posts:
ihatemyjob · 17/11/2009 21:14

Does she know about the pram? I remember 2 friends vaguely offering me their very posh prams for my 2nd child. (They were not going to keep them or have any more kids) My first very cheap one broke. Then they never said anything again and I was too pathetic to mention it and I had to go and buy one. I had really got my hopes up too!

crokky · 17/11/2009 21:16

I think overall YABU.

You enjoyed the pram, your baby/babies enjoyed the pram and now you are finished with it. If you are thinking about it in sentimental terms, it is sad and lonely and there is no baby to go in it. It is gathering dust and deteriorating. It would be far better for someone to get some use out of it again, environmentally and otherwise. I have sent all my baby gear to the charity shop/sold it on eBay. I cannot imagine wasting space/time/energy with stuff I can no longer use. You should remember it with memories in your head and photos of your kids happy in it.

As for offering it to family members, I think as other posters have pointed out, they may well not want it and it could cause embarassment.

If you would prefer not to offer it to this person (because you don't like the thought of her mistreating it), then don't offer it. It is different if she directly asks you - perhaps consider letting her have it. Otherwise, I would sell it.

BelleDameSansMerci · 17/11/2009 21:16

Um, this might not be tactful but if you feel that it would be ok if you were to give it away or sell it (and that's a big IF) then would you give her the pram rather than lend it? Just a thought...

ihatemyjob · 17/11/2009 21:16

Seeing it look awful would be annoying. I remember giving a friend a very cute snowsuit. Then a year when it was winter she was saying that she she had no snow suit for her son. I had to stop myself saying; "But I gave you a lovely one!"

Pingpong · 17/11/2009 21:17

oh dearie me ! I can't imagine getting so sentimental over a pram. I'd hand it over to her and say that you don't want it back, then if it is damaged you won't see it. In a few years time no one will want it as prams change a lot with fashion, technology etc. Better that it gets used by another baby than gathering dust, rust and cobwebs in the attic.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 21:24

Crokky, you are pulling my strings! You are right that it is better to be used, and it would be nice to see a new baby in it. I enjoyed my other friend using it. And I have the pics and memories, and I feel very happy that our family is complete.

Perhaps it boils down to me worrying my now-preg friend wouldn't appreciate my 'grand gesture' as clearly she's not sentimental about her buggy. I do need to get over myself

OP posts: