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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to lend my pram to a friend?

43 replies

wonderingwondering · 17/11/2009 20:20

My friend is expecting her third child, the pram she used for her first two children has broken. I'm not having any more children, and so my (lovely) pram is sitting in my attic. I have lent it to one friend who looked after it and returned it in pristine condition. I'd said to her if anything happened to it, not to worry, but I knew she'd look after it.

My now-pregnant friend is less careful with things and I'm in a quandry over whether to offer her my pram to use when the baby is born (a winter baby so it is nice to have a pram to enclose him or her in).

On one hand, I won't use it again, it will do her a turn as prams are expensive and are used for a relatively short time. On the other hand, I do feel ridiculously sentimental about my babies' pram! And I would like to offer the pram to relatives in the future, so if it was damaged through lack of care I would be upset.

AIBU to hesitate to offer the pram for her to use?

OP posts:

groundhogs · 18/11/2009 12:10

Don't let anyone wind you up on this. This was your pram for your DC, it's perfectly up to you if and who you lend it to.

Keep it stored, so that it is nice for family member. If they don't want it, and you don't want to just hang onto it for the sake of hanging onto it, Ebay it and then it's no longer your concern.

missmama · 18/11/2009 12:18

I think the rule is..
If you wouldnt give it away, then dont lend it out.
Seems nice and clear to me.

ChilloHippi · 18/11/2009 12:28

Don't lend it to her.

gorionine · 18/11/2009 12:32

Has she asked you to lend it to her or are you just anticipating she might? Or do you think because you lend it to someom=ne else she will justassume you will lend it to her too?

Fibilou · 18/11/2009 12:42

I would not. I am very careful with my things and have benefitted from my cousin's similar care of her 20 year old traditional Silver Cross pram which I now have.
I don't care whether people think I'm silly for wanting to keep my things nice, I think they're stupid for not caring what theirs look like.

So no, YANBU. I would never give my prized possessions to someone I didn't think would look after them, whether I had a need for them or not. I have a friend who is extremely careless with her stuff and it would break my heart to see her ruin something I had loved.

risingstar · 18/11/2009 13:33

not at all

i lent my lovely pushchair/carrycot/pram to a very good friend. i was very clear that i wanted it back- said several times please don't give it anyone.

i never saw it again and ended up buying another for my third.

similar thing happened to my sister in law. agree with others- however good friends you are- unless you are willing to say goodbye then never lend anyone anything!

and there is nothing wrong with being sentimental at all.

if she asks- just say that you are hanging on to it- or have lent it to someone you work with/cousin/ sil etc/

Doodlez · 18/11/2009 13:33

Ach give over - it's a pram! Lend it to her and if it gets trashed, so be it. It's just steel and fabric.

YABU

gorionine · 18/11/2009 13:37

Hum doodlez, You know that travel pushchair you passed on to me? Well...

..It died of the most beautiful death a pushchair can die from, exaustion! surely that has to be better than bordom?

UnderwearInPlace · 18/11/2009 13:40

I agree with Rising Star. It's sd's law that if you lend something you value to someone they won't look after it. I learnt my lesson the hard way with someone I thought was a friend.

diddl · 18/11/2009 13:46

Well, if you´re not going to use it again it does seem rather churlish to keep hold.

That said, it was a while before I could let my Silver Cross go, & it had to be to someone I felt deserved it.

If you´re not sure, don´t offer!

Mcdreamy · 18/11/2009 13:48

If it doesn't feel right then hang onto it. I lent my friend my moses basket in between my children. She gave it back to me and apologised for any black hairs I might find as her dog had taken a shine to it and slept in it a couple of times

MillyMollyMoo · 18/11/2009 13:50

I shall keep my big silver cross for grandchildren but any other equipment needs to be sold on or given away quickly, no way would i use my mothers prams for any of my babies they look awful.
Better to have loved and lost

spicemonster · 18/11/2009 13:56

If you care about how it is when you get it back, then don't lend it. I would but then I don't give a stuff about things like that. Possibly because I don't have anywhere to keep them. Baby shoes on the other hand ...

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/11/2009 14:03

If she asks, just say you're keeping it for sentimental reasons... end of!

We have had loads of lovely things passed onto us but a friend suggested a moses basket for daytime naps downstairs but said very honestly that she didn't want to lend theirs as it was sentimental. I totally understand and although I'm sure she knows we would be careful with it (I'm anal about tidiness and keeping things nice!), it's very special to her.

To be honest, I wouldn't borrow a pram someone wanted back as it is likely to suffer wear and tear as a minimum just from daily use.

Your stuff, your decision.

MrsMerryHenry · 18/11/2009 14:05

Rofl at Doodlez! I am really not sentimental over things, apart from two things that belonged to my now dead mother. Perhaps fall midway between you and your friend when it comes to caring for stuff, i.e. I wouldn't polish my buggy to a sheen with my very lifeblood, but I keep it fairly clean and in good working order.

At the end of the day, it's just stuff, isn't it? As someone above said, you don't know whether your rellies will want your pram (I was offered one by my relative - but it was about 30 years old and really manky - I turned it down but still bought 2nd hand). Part of me wants to ask you whether you value the pram or your relationship with your friend more - and I genuinely don't mean this as an attack on your values; what I am saying is that it's just stuff, whereas friendships are more than just possessions, aren't they?

Anyway if you feel you would be able to give it to your friend as a true gift - i.e. let it go 100% and not ever make a comment about her care of it (either directly to her or in your head) then I think you would gain a lot by offering it to her - and I'd be surprised if she didn't appreciate it enormously. However, based on your posts I imagine you'd struggle to be able to let go 100% because it means so much to you, so perhaps you should just sell it on ebay and buy her a nice baby gift with the takings.

Doodlez · 18/11/2009 14:16

Gori - precisely. I am delighted that it died of old age and good use!

colditz · 18/11/2009 14:24

If you would be wanting it back to give to a relative, then don't lend it.

I lent a friend Ds1's clothes, only to find that when it came to getting them back (as I was clear I would want to do) the bags of knitted jumpers, cord trousers and plain T shirts had magically morphed into "I'm a chav shithead" t shirts, nylon jogging bottoms and Lonsdale sports sweaters. I was extremely pissed off, but what could I say? Everything that her child had wrecked had been replaced, as agreed, but it had been replaced in HER taste, which never occurred to me. My fault. I should have thought more about what I was doing. To my friend, she was simply replacing wrecked trousers and stained t shirts.

Sorry, that was possibly the most self absorbed reply in the wold!

MrsVik · 18/11/2009 14:47

YANBU, it's yours to do with what you want, but if you DO lend it to her, I think you'd be doing a really good turn. Afterall, it's only collecting dust, and how often do you really look at it?

For me the sentiment would lay in what it WAS rather that what it IS now.

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