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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to refuse to move my wedding date to avoid upsetting someone I don't know?

149 replies

LoveInAColdClimate · 16/11/2009 17:28

I and my wonderful DF are getting married in May. Until last week, we had planned to have the marquee in my parents' garden - the marquee chap had previously visited the site and said it was definitely big enough and would be a lovely location. Unfortunately, when the caterer came for a site visit last week, she said she it really wouldn't work as there wasn't enough room for her catering staff and she didn't think the gaps between the tables would be big enough for food to be served and cleared away without a huge fuss and people having to move chairs etc.

Cue much panic, until we managed to persuade a local farmer to let us hire one of his fields. He was actually lending it to the daughter of a friend of my parents' for her wedding three weeks later, so he phoned her mother to check they wouldn't mind - she said she didn't, although didn't check with her daughter as she didn't think she'd mind either.

The next day the other woman's mother phoned my mother (they are friends) to say that her daughter was terribly upset that someone else would be using the field three weeks before her and could we possibly either move the date of our wedding to after hers or find another venue. It's the first time a wedding has been held in the field and she thinks it will be less special if hers is second.

There really isn't another venue that is suitable without having at least a half hour drive between the church and the reception, and we can't move the date because almost everything else (caterers, church, florist etc) is booked and lots of our friends and family have booked their accommodation, booked time off work etc (as have we). In any case, I really don't want to change the date, as it's a special date to us for various reasons. I'd also really like to have the wedding in the village where I grew up, and this is the only big enough flat place we can hire to fit the marquee for the reception (it's a pretty hilly area!).

Am I being terribly unreasonable in refusing to move our wedding? Neither I nor my fiancé have ever met this girl, and while we will have two guests who will "overlap" and attend both weddings, it's not as if many will do so at all. I really don't want to upset her, or cause any awkwardness between our parents, but I also don't want to move things around to accommodate someone I don't know. My parents are also sorry that she's upset but also of the view that it's not really fair to ask us to change things for a girl we don't know.

Am I being unreasonable... or is she?

OP posts:
ZippysMum · 16/11/2009 17:30

She.

Have a wonderful wedding

PfftTheMagicDragon · 16/11/2009 17:31

YANBU

sunburntats · 16/11/2009 17:31

tell her to fuck off..."terribly upset" wtf!!

cocolepew · 16/11/2009 17:33

"Change the date" tell her to take a run and jump.

Ewe · 16/11/2009 17:33

Surely it's up to the farmer? It's his field.

YANBU at all though.

sowhatis · 16/11/2009 17:34

plenty of people use the same 'venue' all the time. she is being precious. and pathetic.

dizzydixies · 16/11/2009 17:34

good grief, a fantastic case of Bridezilla - YANBU and frankly if the only special thing about her wedding is that its in a never before used field she needs to rethink her plans

don't you dare change it, have a lovely day

PoppyIsApain · 16/11/2009 17:35

Like it matters who uses a bloody field first, enjoy your wedding and try to ruin the field for hers lol

Rantagonist · 16/11/2009 17:35

do you need to ask? If she, or more to the point her mum, dont like it they can take a running jump, or change their wedding. Cheeky mares.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 16/11/2009 17:36

YANBU. Other bride is clearly a loon. WTF ?? It's a field

stuffitllllama · 16/11/2009 17:36

"if the only special thing about her wedding is that its in a never before used field she needs to rethink her plans"

harsh but true

llareggub · 16/11/2009 17:36

YANBU. She is an incredible bridezilla and will hopefully cringe with embarrassment after the wedding when she crashes down to earth. What a silly woman.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 16/11/2009 17:36

Is this for real ?

loobylu3 · 16/11/2009 17:37

YANU at all but she is!!

dizzydixies · 16/11/2009 17:38

thank you Stuffit I fear that if she is relying on a big square of grass for her guests to go 'ooh' and 'ahh' at then her dress must be incredibly crap or her band out of tune

sleepwhenidie · 16/11/2009 17:38

If she is that bothered, she should change her date! See how reasonable she thinks that is.

FFS it never ceases to amaze me how precious some people can be about their weddings.

unfitmother · 16/11/2009 17:39

YANBU!

Disenchanted3 · 16/11/2009 17:39

Maybe she is worried it will turn into a muddy mess after being used by you?

GoldenSnitch · 16/11/2009 17:40

YANBU but you did ask for this.

You asked her if she minds - therefore giving her the option of making a fuss

harimosmummy · 16/11/2009 17:40

YANBU.

She sounds like one of those people for whom marriage will be a terrible bore... I mean... THINK of all the people who've done it before. FFS.

less worry about the wedding day and MORE worry about the marriage.

DO NOT cancel. You are not upsetting her wedding day. You are upsetting her notion that no-one has ever married in a field. Errr... WRONG!!!!

GinSlinger · 16/11/2009 17:40

I hope you're not getting married in the same church or registrar's office because that may ruin it for her too.

BalloonSlayer · 16/11/2009 17:42

< Wheeze > at this!

Blimey how's she going to cope with the thought that . . . cows . . . might have used her precious field in the months preceding as well?

They might even have . . . . . . consummated their love in it too. I know, you say, cows don't get married! But - I tell you - how do we KNOW?

Hey what are the chances that she moves her wedding to just before yours so she gets the virgin field?

[heard it all now emoticon]

lucykate · 16/11/2009 17:42

she is being not just unreasonable, she is being bridezilla asking you to change the date! if your mum, and the other mum are friends, could you fight fire with fire here?, your mum could ring back saying that you are 'terribly upset' at the idea of having to change the date given everything else is booked, deposits paid etc? tis a big thing changing dates for a wedding, if anyone had asked me to, i would have told them where to shove it

VinegarTits · 16/11/2009 17:42

How is a wedding in the middle of a field going to work anyway? where will the toilets go? will your guests have to pee behind a bush?

And where will you get electricity from?

Disenchanted3 · 16/11/2009 17:43

Portapotties and generators I imagine.

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