..to be really upset that they laughed at my baby's name?

[Mimi28]

Hello everyone,

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I've been lurking on Mumsnet for a few weeks now, but I'm braving a post because I need outside opinions, and I really appreciate all help given.

Cutting a very long story as short as I can, I've had a strained relationship with my family since I was a kid, especially my mother, but I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Last night my mother rang me, told me how great she's getting on with her new DP, etc etc, also spoke to my sister who lives at home. They asked after my baby, any names picked etc and when I told them they fell around laughing, then laughed riotiously at how the name would sound with my DP's name (he's a student from the Middle East). Now, I personally dont see how the name Solomon can be such a joke. I also dont see why they had to be so rude to a pregnant woman, even if she is family.

My sister works in the local jobcentre, and 5 minutes beforehand she had berated dole claimants, immigrants etc when I asked her how work was, and I bit my lip so as not to cause a fight. I have almost 8 years of university behind me, but haven't been able to find any work at all since graduating last Christmas. I'm in chronic debt, and it kills me to have to sign on just to keep going - and she KNOWS this.

I'm sorry, I dont think this post is making much sense ...basically, I want to cut contact with my family, but want to make sure its not just my hormones. This baby was a big surprise, and as scared as I am about money, I absolutely adore him already. EVERYTHING that I have ever loved or achieved as been desecrated or destroyed by one family member or another - birthdays, graduations, relationships, you name it - and I just don't need this crap any more, life is hard enough.

AIBU?? Thanks girls.

Soloman is a lovely name but beware if you come from a part of the country that puts 'our' in front of someones name when referring to a family member i.e. 'our Ben', 'our Emma' etc., I will leave you to work it out, it's a joke you might hear. This occurred to someone I know after the fact recently, she laughed it off, good for her!

Your baby, you choose. Sod them and their insensitivity and thinly veiled prejudices.

I don't have much to add, except I had something similar when I was pregnant with my now 9 month old daughter.

I told some family last Christmas our first choice and they either a) laughed or b) said they didn't like it. Not a great responce! My main worry was that somehow not liking her name would put them off her as a person, but they came round, they like her nn and couldn't be better with her. It bugs me a bit but as I REALLY don't like one of my neices names, I can't be too funny about it!

I would echo other responces that this seems more of a straw-that-broke-the-camel's-back incidence, and I wouldn't be too hasty in cutting cords with your family. That said, when I was pregnant my sister and I made the decision to cut ties with our father (as much as possible, which isn't enough for my liking!) and I don't regret my decision in the slightest.

I would certainly talk to them and tell them how you feel, as honestly as you can, and see what there reaction is. After that, it may be easier to make your mind up...

Good luck with the baby, and with everything else...

I think its a lovely name poor you, they have behaved quite horribly i also come from a toxic family and when i was preg wit ds1 was tellin my sister some of my fav name list, she picked each apart and gave possible horrible nn bullies could use for each name... She said it was because she had bn teesed at sch but it really upset me... I was told by the only two family i told ds2's name while preg to please not name him THAT! But i did sod em all our babies we love em we name em be careful about cutting all ties with family tho, i am estranged from most of my family and although they are awful hurtful ppl and i really want to protect my children from them it can be very lonely for me having no one... Just keep them at arms length for now maybe... Sorry for the ramble, best of luck

Speaking from my personal experience, I would advise you to keep your family as close as possible. You will need them after you have the baby.
I also think that your baby will benefit from having a wider family circle. A nan, aunties, uncles are priceless. I think family is very important in raising young children, no matter how isolated you were before. Your should try and develop a thicker skin because the name thing might be nothing compared to the criticism you will face from even total strangers.

What I mean about the criticism you might face from total strangers isn't about the name, (I love the name) but I mean about other things generally. I have found people are inconcievably rude to mothers. I can't imagine why they would want to berate a woman in a fragile disposition, and especially at a time when we are doubting ourselves, hormonal and sleep deprived. I've had to learn to keep quiet and let people froth at the mouth with 'advice'.

Why can family be such a pain?!!!! You seem to be going through what most of us go through with baby names. I already have a girl and we named her Freya, not many liked it and my husband and I were like oh well! Now everyone loves her name and says she suits it so well....(funny how that works out!) Now we are on to DD2 and found out we are having a boy. For some reason it seems so hard to pick out a boy name and we've been struggling to find the perfect name. Every name we came up with one the reaction from the family was "Nooo! don't like that". Well in the end, we've learned our lesson. We've finally picked out a name that we both like and haven't told a soul. They will find out after we have the birth and like it or not, thats what they will be calling him. Just remember, they had a choice when had kids. If they recommend a name you should reply with, well you had a chance to name your child that so why didn't you? haha.

I have a nephew called Pericles and nobody in the family so much as blinked an eye.
our family are mean. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Soloman is lovely, btw.

I 'tried out' our first choice name on a couple of friends... and didn't get very good responses. We have actually changed our minds now - not because of the friends though.. but I learnt my lesson about telling people at all.

We are not telling the new name to anyone, so it will be a fait accompli!

Also, strangely enough one of my friends was going to call her son Solomon.. but her mother was extremely rude about it in an anti-semitic way... my friend changed the name to something else... and has always regretted it. Our chosen name is Jewish (we aren't)... so we will see if we get any nasty comments!

I thought that Dittany's advice was very good below by the way - I am going to practise this myself!

Solomon is a great name

I love the name.

But sadly I did laugh when my brother told me his choice of name for their nearly due baby.
It was a kneejerk reaction and I still feel bad about it 2 years on.
Oh the shame I felt when I realised he was serious.

congratulations on pg,it is a really nice name

Yanbu, but... once you have your beautiful baby boy, you will become your own little family, and your old family and all their nasty games and put-down comments suddenly won't seem so important... I promise

I thought you was going to put the name 'teapot' or something stupid. Solomon is a good strong manly name and i think that is important when you think you spend most of your life as an adult.

Its a hard decision to make cutting of your family because alot of the time you ned them when you have a baby, but not everyone has family close by and they have to cope. Also everyones family is very different and only you can make the decision.

Maybe keep them at arms length, dont phone them or arrange days out and if contact stops without you having to say anything or have a big arguement then contact can be made later on in life when your ready.

Love the name Solomon! And I know a couple of Suleimans, who are from mixed parentage - they're both lovely names. Don't be upset - at least it's a real name! But remember the golden rule - never discuss baby names before birth with anyone except DP!!!
Good luck with it all, and put it all down to hormones!

hi mimi,

i think its hard to make such a big decision while you are pregnant. the hormones dont let us think straight.

i dont get on well with my mom, and when i told her my first baby's name while i was pregnant, she said she didnt like it. thank goodness it was over the phone, but i was so pissed off with her. all i could think of was 'i didnt ask if you like it or not, and for your information im not consulting you either'. and that reaction was probably because i never really see things on the bright side with my mom anyway....

now with our second baby i decided not to tell anyone our choice. i only told my sister who i am very close to. and she wasnt sure if she liked... and i didnt like her reaction either but i was able to not care about it BECAUSE we are close, and i know she didnt mean anything bad about it.

it doesnt matter what people think of the name, it matters what you and your partner think of it.

and dont make any harsh decisions for now... wait until the baby is born and see how things go

Loving Soloman! It's fab!

Go mad and have Moses Isiah as his middle names...just to iritate the lot of them!! [GRIN]

None of my family liked my DS's names and in fact my MIL did not call either DS's by their short names as we wanted, but insisted on the full given Sunday name in protest for months. (Relented when DS1aged just turned 2 told her to address him properly or he would call her Nana,(which she hates).

They will come around to it sooner or later.

I really love it!

i wasn't going to click on this thread, until i saw the name and just thought wow - im a bit plastered though It is a BRILLIANT name, it is just adorable for a baby, and it will grow with him too, very manly and that is difficult to achieve. It sounds like he will be a very special, very deep and very strong man - congratuslations

Beautiful name. I stopped telling people the names we had picked cos they could be so rude.