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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to be really upset that they laughed at my baby's name?

120 replies

Mimi28 · 16/11/2009 11:26

Hello everyone,

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I've been lurking on Mumsnet for a few weeks now, but I'm braving a post because I need outside opinions, and I really appreciate all help given.

Cutting a very long story as short as I can, I've had a strained relationship with my family since I was a kid, especially my mother, but I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Last night my mother rang me, told me how great she's getting on with her new DP, etc etc, also spoke to my sister who lives at home. They asked after my baby, any names picked etc and when I told them they fell around laughing, then laughed riotiously at how the name would sound with my DP's name (he's a student from the Middle East). Now, I personally dont see how the name Solomon can be such a joke. I also dont see why they had to be so rude to a pregnant woman, even if she is family.

My sister works in the local jobcentre, and 5 minutes beforehand she had berated dole claimants, immigrants etc when I asked her how work was, and I bit my lip so as not to cause a fight. I have almost 8 years of university behind me, but haven't been able to find any work at all since graduating last Christmas. I'm in chronic debt, and it kills me to have to sign on just to keep going - and she KNOWS this.

I'm sorry, I dont think this post is making much sense ...basically, I want to cut contact with my family, but want to make sure its not just my hormones. This baby was a big surprise, and as scared as I am about money, I absolutely adore him already. EVERYTHING that I have ever loved or achieved as been desecrated or destroyed by one family member or another - birthdays, graduations, relationships, you name it - and I just don't need this crap any more, life is hard enough.

AIBU?? Thanks girls.

OP posts:

ChilloHippi · 16/11/2009 16:05

YANBU. Solomon is a nice name.

pispirispis · 16/11/2009 16:22

Soloman's a lovely name. Sounds like they enjoy putting you down. Maybe they're just jealous of your fabulousness and intelligence Don't let them knock you, but don't cut them off completely either, even though it sounds like you'll need the patience of a saint to deal with them. Draw a mental boundary distancing your feelings from them, don't let them disrespect you any more!

Threelittleducks · 16/11/2009 16:22

Fuck 'em.
My family went on for aaaaaaaaaaaages about the name we picked for our son. It was disgusting. They kept saying "He's lovely, but I still don't like "Thomas" for him".

Gave me proper rage.

Solomon is beautiful. Bloody keep it.
Your baby, your choice.

Let this be the mantra you recite everytime you get "parenting advice" from them too.

Congratulations and good luck xxx

msrisotto · 16/11/2009 16:33

Some people feel better by bringing someone else down. It sounds like this is the norm with your family and as hard as it is, you have to accept that this is their issue and not yours. I'm so sorry they are so childish.

stinkypinky · 16/11/2009 17:15

I am thinking of calling mine Solomon - encouraged by all the nice comments about it, but concerned it might become too popular - I like to be a little different.
Good luck with the baby - and call him what you and DP want SOD EVERYONE ELSE!

Mandy1966 · 16/11/2009 17:17

They sound pretty narrow minded to me.
We have a little boy in DS2's class called Solomon, everyone calls him Solly, his brothers are Isiah (not sure if thats spelt right?) and Ruben.

TiggyR · 16/11/2009 18:18

Solomon is a really lovely name - don't be put off.

Wineonafridaynight · 16/11/2009 20:03

Solomon is a lovely name. It's not a common name in the UK so I can see why they might find it strange at first, but it is an absolutely lovely name and they were horrible to laugh!

Please don't cut off all contact with them. Perhaps keep a distance for now.

And don't change the name because it is lovely!

MadameDuBain · 16/11/2009 20:11

Solomon/Sol is lovely.

I also have issues with my family and don't find them easy to get on with, though there is a pretense with my mum and sister that we're close, which is very hard work. When I was pg the first time I really, really wanted to cut off contact with them, but it would have caused huge ructions. I now see that it was hormones - that doesn't mean everything is fine, but it is more manageable than it felt then.

I think one thing to do if you can is stop expecting reasonable behaviour from them, and try to keep them at arm's length emotionally. For example I get on OK with my mum if I try not to see her as providing all the things a mum should, IYSWIM. Me and DP like unusual names and she has been bloody rude about them tbh. I'm now pg again and our choice for a girl has her rolling in the aisles. It's annoying, but I can honestly say I'm not deeply hurt because I accept what she's like.

susiey · 16/11/2009 20:20

I love soloman and its shortened solly

we chose a very unusual name for our son and knew people wouldn't like it so we kept it a secret from everyone till he was there and then they couldn't be rude!

LynetteScavo · 16/11/2009 20:35

Never, never tell anyone your babies name untill the baby is born and been registered! but it's too late for that now.

The only Soloman I've know was known as Sol...he was a lovely little boy.

Your family are just being thoughtless, and I think it seems so much worse now because ou are at a vulnerable and hormonal time in your life. Don't cut them out of your life, just keep a bit of distance for a while.

eatsshootsleaves · 16/11/2009 21:24

I once had a group of childminders laugh when DS's name was sung during a birthday song. It is a biblical name but I think it is becoming increasingly common judging by the baby name threads. As much as I would have liked to slap them for being incredibly cruel about a child's name so publicly, it's just ignorance and perhaps not worth investing so much negative feelings on.

I understand that it's harder when it's your own family who are not being supportive and treating you with ridicule. I really do feel for you but please do not be put off by their unkind comments. Instead, shame their silly behaviour by retaining composure, staying silent but looking disapprovingly.

All the best with the baby.

squeaver · 16/11/2009 21:28

Your dp's surname isn't "Gomorrah" is it?

wonka · 16/11/2009 22:32

My husband still doesn't like our DC2's name... But he loves it himself LOL

CarryOnDancing · 17/11/2009 11:10

We made the very same mistake and in all the excitement of choosing a name told our shortlist to family members. After many crinkled noses and 'I knew a ... and they were x, y and x.

We have now told our beloved family that DD's name will now be announced upon arrival so not to bother asking, or worse, suggesting their preferences.
It would be simply impossible for several people of all different generations to love the same name so we have quickly realised it is only our opinion that counts.

I have cut contact with my mum whilst being pregnant (after years of a strained relationship) and its the best thing I ever did, life is so much more calm and relaxed. There was no way I was letting the poison of that woman ruin my pregnancy. My baby deserves a stress free introduction to the world and I'm going to make sure she gets it!

Do what feels right for you right now and good luck!

Solomon is adorable

Tolalola · 17/11/2009 15:52

Funny, Chulita, my DS is called Josiah and our next door neighbour laughed at his name too and said something along the lines of 'oh my god, can't believe you saddled the poor little thing with such a dreadful name'. Was a bit offended for about a microsecond and then stuck my tongue out at her back as soon as she turned around and decided I didn't care, becase I love it. Think Solomon is also a great name.

ilovesprouts · 17/11/2009 15:59

i love the name its your baby you call him whatever you like ,my dd has picked names for her unborn dc and ppl turn there nose up all the time ,but she does not take any notice of them

pixiestix · 17/11/2009 16:07

Solomon is a beautiful name, and your family sound awful. Concentrate on your DH and your growing bump and ignore the lot of them!

Divatheshopaholic · 17/11/2009 16:12

They are just rude, please ignore them.
Solomon is lovely name.

Restrainedrabbit · 17/11/2009 16:14

Ah you see my DD is called Scarlett and when I told my Mum (after the scan) that is what she would be called she charmingly replied that it sounds like the name of a prostitute However she dotes on DD and tis a distance memory now.

With DS we didn't tell anyone his name until he was born then they were all too excited to care!

I know a Solomon shortened to Solly, fabulous little boy

sazlocks · 17/11/2009 16:15

Its a lovely name - so lovely in fact that I am going to steal it (if that's ok ?!) and propose it to DH tonight for our 30 week bump if its a boy.
But that doesn't really answer your issue as your family sound like they do their best to undermine whatever you are doing. I guess the question is whether you want that sort of vibe around your child and whether it might be better/healthier to limit or cut contact with them.
My family keep on about names we are thinking of for our bump and I keep deflecting the question because I fear exactly the same response you got and don't want our thoughts coloured by their or anyone elses views on names.
Good luck.

bratnav · 17/11/2009 16:33

YANBU. I had the same reaction from my family when we announced that we were going to call DS Reuben earlier thus year. You sound like you have a similar relationship with your family as I do with mine.

I decided to limit contact with them, ie they are welcome to contact us if they wish but we make no effort to contact them. The reult for me is that my Mum has seen DS (and our 3 DDs) about 2/3 times since he was born (now 11 weeks) and my Dad has not met him at all, he hasn't called either. TBH I am a lot happier as I don't have the stress of trying to maintain a difficult and sometimes damaging relationship.

Love the name btw.

mathanxiety · 17/11/2009 16:43

YANBU or hormonal. Don't get sucked into the family merry go round again. Keep your distance. No doubt it all amuses them terribly but it's not up to you to provide their entertainment, is it?

Love Solomon, btw.

FWIW, I think some people from older generations have a bee in their bonnet about Old Testament names because they're identified in their minds as being Jewish.

Slambang · 17/11/2009 16:55

I got told my choice for ds2's name was laughable and awful. I succumbed to family pressure and called him a pleasant bog standard name instead. There are 2 others in his class with the same name. I massively regret listening to their scorn.

Best revenge is smiling sweetly at the lot of them and calling him Solomon.

(Sorry but they sound quite ignorant to think that Solomon is such a way out name - they obviously don't get out much, do they?)

bratnav · 17/11/2009 16:59

Oh I forgot the comment that went with the sneering, 'but that's a Jewish name' followed by a repulsive comment once he was born 'ooh he has a big nose, maybe the name will suit him after all'. I am
posting from my phone so have no ability to do angry faces.

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