..to be really upset that they laughed at my baby's name?

[Mimi28]

Hello everyone,

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I've been lurking on Mumsnet for a few weeks now, but I'm braving a post because I need outside opinions, and I really appreciate all help given.

Cutting a very long story as short as I can, I've had a strained relationship with my family since I was a kid, especially my mother, but I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Last night my mother rang me, told me how great she's getting on with her new DP, etc etc, also spoke to my sister who lives at home. They asked after my baby, any names picked etc and when I told them they fell around laughing, then laughed riotiously at how the name would sound with my DP's name (he's a student from the Middle East). Now, I personally dont see how the name Solomon can be such a joke. I also dont see why they had to be so rude to a pregnant woman, even if she is family.

My sister works in the local jobcentre, and 5 minutes beforehand she had berated dole claimants, immigrants etc when I asked her how work was, and I bit my lip so as not to cause a fight. I have almost 8 years of university behind me, but haven't been able to find any work at all since graduating last Christmas. I'm in chronic debt, and it kills me to have to sign on just to keep going - and she KNOWS this.

I'm sorry, I dont think this post is making much sense ...basically, I want to cut contact with my family, but want to make sure its not just my hormones. This baby was a big surprise, and as scared as I am about money, I absolutely adore him already. EVERYTHING that I have ever loved or achieved as been desecrated or destroyed by one family member or another - birthdays, graduations, relationships, you name it - and I just don't need this crap any more, life is hard enough.

AIBU?? Thanks girls.

They are soooo rude. You must call your baby what you want even if other people don't like it. At the end of the day the name might not mean anything to others but they mean something to you. Family can be so shit at times.

YANBU. What an unkind reaction. I found that as soon as I fell pregnant with DS, family felt they had some kind of ownership over my life and choices so I don't think this will be the last time you will have this problem. It has taken me two years to get them a bit under control, and now it has started all over again as I am pregnant with DD. If you have had continuous problems with your family and you are SURE, it is well worth deciding now what kind of steps you will take to keep them at arms length after the birth and forever!! Be careful about cutting them off completely- you may find the presence of extended family becomes more important to you when you want your DS to know his roots. Apart from that, go for it- your life, your baby, your beautiful name.

are you french minouminou

I love Solomon!

people laughed at my children's names too. they're not to most people's tastes. In fact, when I chose them, NOBODY liked them, but now 4 and 7 years on I notice from reading these boards that people hate them less. The name that was met with is suggested here occasionally.

The bounty woman laughed at my son's name. I laughed at her instant coffee breath and said just leave the litle bag of leaflets there, thank you.

We wanted to call my DS, Burt. DP and I are (slightly) obsessed with "Burt's Bees" products and love the name.
Both my parents totally dissed it and really ruined it for us.

We called our DS, Seth.

Please OP, don't bow to pressure. Solomon is a really great name and your boy will grow up to be a total dude!

My DP wanted Bert, but from bert and ernie!
Completely unrelated I know but amusing none the less. Luckily we are expecting a girl

I know a solomon (gets called sol or solly too) - his best friend is called Noah - the mums get some funny looks when they are out together and call the boys back to them, i swear folk think they belong to a weird cult!

Go with your heart. Your choice. Your baby.

anther vote here for soloman it is lovely.

you must make sure you choose the name you really want as you may end up regretting it.

and to your family ignore,ignore,ignore

good luck

Gosh, i have never sene such overwhelming support for a name on Mn! So you are doing something right . it is such a lovely lovely name Unusual in an "ooh how nice" kind of way!

Your family sound nuts and as someone else said, pretty toxic. I agree yanbu but perhaps wait til your hormones calm down so that you know within yourslef that you have made a rational decision rather than always wondering if you'd have made the same one if less hormonal.

again, what a gorgeous name. oooh. love it.

what a fantastic name!It means peaceful and perfect!I remember bumping into a friend who hanged around with this girl from school who i did'nt see eye to eye with back then and when she asked what i was going to called her i said Milly after my gran as she was due on my grans bday (she came 2 weeks early!) and she said "What a weird and stupid name"!

I would tell them that they named you what they liked and because you are carrying your child and you got to go through having your child you'll name the baby what you want!

Stick with the names its lovely and congrates!

But I thought the OP's family laughed at the way the name sounded with her DPs name.So saying Solomon is a nice name isn't really the issue its how it goes with the surname which she hasn't revealed so we don't know if it's ridiculous or not!!

It was still very disrespectful to laugh though.

Don't do anything you can't take back while you're pregnant. Please!

You are hormonal, vulnerable, your head is all over the place, and any stresses and strains you already had are now magnified out of all proportion.

Let's face it, your family aren't going anywhere. You can cut them out of your life in a year just as well as you can now.

So, don't do anything rash. And call your baby whatever you want.

Solomon is a lovely name, unless your dp's surname is Dolomon

i agree solomon is a lovely name. obviously dont know what surname would be.
my 2 girls both have unusual names!!
ignore them!!!

I like Solomon, so long as his surname isn't going to be Grundy can't see why anyone would laugh at it. Or as someone else said, the surname doesn't rhyme with it.

I don't think you should cut ties with your unpleasant-sounding family just yet - see how they are after little Sol is born, and THEN make a decision. By then, your family unit (you, Sol and your DP) will be far more important than a poisonous bunch of gene-sharers and you will be able to take the right decision for your family. Wait until the post-birth hormones have died down a bit though!

Love the name Solomon as well - Sol for short.

LOL at Solomon Grundy - that takes me back a few years...

Mimi Solomon is a fabulous name for a boy

Your sister sounds like a small minded racist

I would keep family at arms length if I were you, so they can't hurt you or screw your head up and spoil your happiness

Maybe wait until Solomon is born and see how you feel about them seeing him

My DS2 is called Solomon. We (obviously) love the name!!! We call him Solly for short, but the nursery insists on calling him Solomon. You can also get some great alternative names out of it - Sollipop, Solomonster, you get the picture

I got a few strange looks from people and the odd insulting comment, but we ignored them. We loved the name, he was our baby, sod anyone else, family or otherwise.

Hope you're feeling better, OP.
You're always going to get comments. I remember after having DS, DP's aunt-in-law or whatever the frig she is sent a nice card, but ruined it by writing "first name middle name my surname DP's surname...what a name, poor little bugger".
That went straight in the bin, and she be in for it if I ever meet her, innit!
No, I'm not French...I got my name from the fact that at the time of joining MN, I was obsessed with "Our Velocity" by Maximo Park and went round singing the refrain, but using "minoominoo, minoominoo, minoominoo minoominoomoo" instead.
I just prefer the ou spelling, although I know it has various connotations.

I suppose I don't have anything new to add here, but I agree that (1) Solomon is a lovely name, (2) even if the name isn't to someone's personal taste, it is not a strange name or worthy of ridicule and (3) your family sounds kind of toxic. That being said, I would try to keep cool in this emotionally charged time. People say you shouldn't make a major hairstyle change while you're pregnant because your judgment is off, and that probably goes for cutting off contact with your family, too. I would try to minimize contact so that you don't get upset but don't burn bridges now.

Try not to worry about the practical things your baby is so lucky to have two parents that love each other and are looking forward to his birth you can work the other things out.

at "what a name- poor little bugger"

...did she really do that in real life??

mathanxiety - that anti-Jewish names thing makes my blood boil. We gave our DS one of the slightly less common Jewish names (followed by his grandpa's name, which is a common Jewish name) and both gps' reaction (my DH's parents, not mine!) was: 'Why have you given him such a Jewish name?' Why the hell not? Is there something offensive in having a Jewish name? Anyway DH then pointed out to his folks that both of them have Jewish names, to which the response was .

Mimi, I also think Solomon is a fabulous name - it conjures an image of regality and wisdom. What an excellent choice, and how wonderful that it's a 'global' name as well - easy for anyone to pronounce, which was possibly part of your selection criteria.

Like others have stated already you have sadly learned the lesson of why to keep your baby names private until the child is born. What a horrible way for you to be taught this lesson. Our families are meant to love and support us unconditionally and to accept us with both our flaws and our most excellent qualities. Your family sounds astonishingly self-absorbed and dysfunctional; they clearly have no idea how to show real love and support to anyone. How very sad. If I felt that my behaviour made any of my family members consider cutting themselves off from me, it would tear me apart - but I would challenge myself about what I had done to create the situation. I imagine your family are incapable of such self-reflection and would only seek to blame and accuse you instead.

I hope you are able to find a way to protect yourself from the hurts they inflict and surround yourself with the support and love and joy and hilarity that you need. I also hope you can explore new ways to stand up for yourself against their ill-will and to find a way of doing this that is true to your character and makes them treat you differently at the same time (I'm trying to learn a similar thing myself at the mo - it's hard but not impossible!).

Sadly it is possible that your family will never change, but you do not need to accept such appalling treatment from them.

Hey, I completely agree that they're being rude, insensitive and a total pain to you - but please please please don't do anything rash at the moment! I think the best advise you've received is to keep them at arm's length until after little Solomon is born. Incidentally, it's a great name and you should stick to your guns - YOU are the parents, and the choice is yours.

I also come from a difficult-to-deal-with family, my mum especially is hard work and can be extremely critical, unsupportive and insensitive. However, becoming a mum made me work through my relationship with her and realise that I had the power to change things. I went through a difficult phase of calmly pointing out to her whenever she was being rude or insensitive - she was terribly offended by this and would always sulk and throw a tantrum, but by acting like the adult I am (and she should be) I changed our relationship for good. Don't get me wrong - this method didn't change HER attitude as much as MINE - but now she knows where the boundaries are for me and (mostly) respects them, and whenever she says and does silly things my world doesn't crumble anymore and I can deal with it like an adult. In essence, in becoming a mother I stopped being a child!

I hope you experience a similar 'coming of age' when you become a mum, and find a new strength to put your family in their place. What matters more is your relationship with the baby, not your relationship with your family. You are the one who's going to be in charge - not them!

Good luck and let us know how it goes!