..to be really upset that they laughed at my baby's name?

[Mimi28]

Hello everyone,

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and I've been lurking on Mumsnet for a few weeks now, but I'm braving a post because I need outside opinions, and I really appreciate all help given.

Cutting a very long story as short as I can, I've had a strained relationship with my family since I was a kid, especially my mother, but I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Last night my mother rang me, told me how great she's getting on with her new DP, etc etc, also spoke to my sister who lives at home. They asked after my baby, any names picked etc and when I told them they fell around laughing, then laughed riotiously at how the name would sound with my DP's name (he's a student from the Middle East). Now, I personally dont see how the name Solomon can be such a joke. I also dont see why they had to be so rude to a pregnant woman, even if she is family.

My sister works in the local jobcentre, and 5 minutes beforehand she had berated dole claimants, immigrants etc when I asked her how work was, and I bit my lip so as not to cause a fight. I have almost 8 years of university behind me, but haven't been able to find any work at all since graduating last Christmas. I'm in chronic debt, and it kills me to have to sign on just to keep going - and she KNOWS this.

I'm sorry, I dont think this post is making much sense ...basically, I want to cut contact with my family, but want to make sure its not just my hormones. This baby was a big surprise, and as scared as I am about money, I absolutely adore him already. EVERYTHING that I have ever loved or achieved as been desecrated or destroyed by one family member or another - birthdays, graduations, relationships, you name it - and I just don't need this crap any more, life is hard enough.

AIBU?? Thanks girls.

I would just ignor it tbh, with both my dc's after they have been born my mum has come up with a list of 'better' names to call them and no doubt she will do the same this time.... We just laugh it off its your baby and totally your choice of name.

Yeah...agree with poster who said not to cut them off over this...they'll blame it on your hormones and (by the sound of it) use this as another stick to beat you with.
Enjoy your pregnancy, scale down contact with them, and you'll probably find that they get a grip on themselves as soon as Solomon is here.
However, you need to address their general attitude once everything's settled down a bit...now is not the time to do it. It seems like you're stuck in the whipping-boy role, and it'll take more than a big blow-up to sort that...you need to chip your way out of it.
FWIW, I had serious opposition to DS' name, but now he's here, and it suits him, no-one cares.
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and the money will sort itself out...things usually do.

Solomon is a fab name, and they are showing their ignorance if they think it doesn't go with a Middle Eastern surname (although might be spelt Suleiman there). What does your DP think?

Personally I would keep quiet about possible names from now on, except on MN of course! You have exposed a bit of yourself to your family & they have trampled on it. Put on some 'armour', say you haven't made up your mind, then when the lo is born, call him what you like.

Bloody hell....just read the star trek post from you, mimi...they're out of order, but they enjoy this...it gives them a boost.
My guess is that if you'd decided to call Solomon a very trad British name they'd mock it too.
You've got to get out of this role, and chances are as soon as you're a parent, you'll not want to have this behaviour around your child, and you'll step up to the plate and tell your family what's what.

Our parents and inlaws were very about Dc1's name, but they have grown to love it because they love him. We know a Solomon and he's a real cutie - his name suits him perfectly.

Solomon is a beautiful name.

One of the mum's at school told me how she and her dh had a laugh at my ds's name when he was born. I was so - doubly so because her child has an absolutely ridiculous name (when matched with her surname). Eeejits. Your family sound pretty toxic to me. Maybe not cut contact completely but keep at a safe distance. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

They have clearly hurt your feelings. However rather than "cut them off" why not reduce contact for a while, as another OP posted once baby is born things WILL change, one way or another.....

However given all you have said it sounds to me like yopu need to maybe reduce contact a bit to stop them hurting your feelings so much, is it it possible to start to create a bit more of a distance between you??? It might not seem possible but I am sure you can try and engineer it.

Good luck and dont let them get you down

Another Soloman fan, I know a lovely one too, and it is about you and your DP.

MN will be your family Mimi, we are all hormonal for one reason or another. (PMT...as in 'post'MT here).

Perhaps you should say 'if you haven't got anything positive or nice to say, can you keep your opinions to yourselves?'. That is what I say to my 6 and 11 yr olds and they have more tact than the family seem to have. You need lots of love and supprt right now,

I hope the pregnancy is going well otherwise.

Reality Bites: I'm a bit mad alright, but not enough to go with something like Solomon Bolomon! Jaysus, can you imagine the scene at the registry of births?? lol.

Ilovepiccolina: my DP is an absolute star, loves the name, loves the bump, loves me - he literally keeps me going - and I'm totally with you on the armour thing: I'm going right into the shell until Sol's arrival...

Minouminou: you are so right, its a bit scary...!

Journey: you said alot when you mentioned confidence - I am a bit knocked down at the mo from everything - that's something I should think about - thanks

Everyone: thanks again, seems I'm not alone when it comes to getting a less than favourable reception on the name front...

Solomon is a lovely name.

I have a slightly similar thing with my family atm.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant with 1st child. Have picked names for both boy or girl because DH and I don't know what we're having.

The girls name we've picked is Juliet. It's a lovely name and goes well with our surname. I told my parents the name and all they do is screw up their noses and make a face when I say it. And my mum sometimes rings me for a chat and to ask, "you're not still thinking of the name Juliet, are you?" WTF????? I tell her to be quiet, she has had 3 kids and named each of them and now it's my turn.

Is very upsetting!

By TakeLovingChances Mon 16-Nov-09 13:00:24 "she has had 3 kids and named each of them and now it's my turn." I had never seen things that way but you are so right!

You should never tell anyone what names you are considering before the actual baby is born.

gosh, thought you were planning to call the baby jizz-wad or something

yanbu

solomon is lovely

this the reason why I didnt tell anyone our name choices. I dont know where ANYONE thinks they can make comment on a child's name.

When I found out I was pregnant I said to my mum who has been known to pass comment before, that when we tell you the name I don't want a word, a grunt or even a look against it as I didnt want to feel bad about it as we had only got one girl name and one boy name chosen.

Anyway this wont help you op! I agree with those who have said back off for while but dont cut them out yet, it may be hormones and you dont want them using this against them in the future

Solomon is a beautiful beautiful name.

I had a similar experience when pg. My exP is from Middle East - when I told my sis that I was expecting she just said, Ohh are you going to call it Mohammad. I was appalled at her racism and was v upset. Then when I knew it was a girl I thought Beatrice was a nice name - sis then said that all her kids new a dirty rugby story based on that name. I was upset again. (No one I know has heard of this song!)
In the end baby arrives and she's called Elizabeth - and strangely my sister always misspells it.

Anyway - ignore the family they're not helping. Focus on your bump and your new family, you're doing fine.

ahh custardo gotta thank you. I just put the name Jacob to my dp (we have had serious disagreements over boys names) and he really likes it! So DC4 will quite possibly a Jacob with William and Edward as second names.

OP ... Solomon is a really nice name. Your family sound quite toxic to me

Soloman's lovely.

Jizzwad! Can't wait for X Factor night

Solomon of course.

I like Soloman as a name, although it's pronounced Silliman in DH country, which is why it got tossed out of the pile for names we were considering...

If you think there is a snippet of a chance that matching Solomon to your surname may cause eyebrows to raise, perhaps check with people outside your immediate family. Totally understand you not wanting to divulge it here, but we can't know how well they pair.

Do you have a good RL friend you could run a list of names past, Solomon being one of them?

Families are arses at times, Don't include them any more in your thinking, they obviously are not going to be nice whatever you choose. My BF and her DH chose a name, and the MIL went MENTAL, refusing to speak to them for a few days and demanding they changed it. It really ruined the whole birthing experience for her DH, but they didn't falter and their baby kept the name they chose.

Families, who would have em eh?

Here's an idea, tell them you have changed your mind about Solomon, and you have decided on Jizward instead, they will be so speechless they wont bother you again, then when you do call him Solomon they will be so relived they will love it

When I told my BIL last Xmas the name we were thinking of giving our DS when he was born, I was emphatically told that the name was "gay". Suffice to say, we didn't change names and I now wonder whether to bring this up with him this Xmas just to see him squirm*

*Disclaimer - I actually quite like and really get on with my BIL